When I lived in Arkansas, I worked at an oil changing shop. There was one customer in particular who made us cringe every time he pulled up to the shop. He owned a used car lot and reminded me of Harry Wormwood from the 1996 movie Matilda. “Push ‘er in there, boys!,” he would tell us. “The transmission is slipping too bad to start from a dead stop. We gotta push it in!” The car salesman was getting a transmission flush at our shop to temporarily get the bad transmission working long enough to make a sale. It’s a very dishonest move that probably happens more often than people realize. When customers test drive the car, it runs smoothly after a transmission flush. But the clutch plates inside the transmission are already worn out so the flush doesn’t actually fix anything. Within a matter of months, the transmission inevitably breaks apart. Transmissions cost thousands of dollars to replace, and unsuspecting customers are left with a broken down car and a repair bill that will cost $3,000 or more to get it fixed.
Had the salesman at our shop been honest, he would have either told customers that the transmission was bad and sold the car as is for a reduced price or would have had his mechanics rebuild the transmission and charge more for the car. But he didn’t do either of those things. With snake oil dripping off his suit, he chose to lie and deceive, giving unsuspecting customers the illusion that the car posed no risk to the new owner. I often thought about who the victims were of the dishonest salesman. Were they single moms who scraped all they had together in order to purchase a car so they could have transportation to their job? Were they teenagers, excited to own their very first car? Regardless of who the victims were, the fact is that this man’s dishonesty was putting people out of thousands of dollars while he was getting richer.
If this bothers us, it should. When I see churches intentionally hide sex offenders in the church, I can’t help but to see similarities between them and the dishonest car salesman. Many survivors of abuse and concerned church members contact me quite often to say that their leaders allow sex offenders to join the church but refuse to inform the church of their sex offender status. In fact, churches often will go out of their way to keep sex offenders anonymous, protecting them while placing every child at risk. Another common scenario is when someone is credibly accused of molesting children but the leaders refuse to report it to police, even though they are mandated reporters.
In essence, what leaders are doing is no different than what the dishonest car salesman did. When leaders behave this way, they’re giving the false impression that the abuser has a clean past with no criminal history. The reality is that the abusers are ticking time bombs. The reality is that they do have a history of abusing children. Can’t we at least agree that it is dishonest to pretend that the person is in tip-top shape? And remember, we’re not talking about cars here. We’re talking about real people! Real children are being raped and molested, having their lives altered forever by their abusers. And this, all because churches are giving the false impression that these people are safe.
If we take the above scene from Matilda and apply it to church leaders who tidy up abusers to the church, it’s eerily prophetic. Harry Wormwood tells his kids, “We really should weld these bumpers on. But that takes time, equipment, money. So, we use Super Super Glue instead.” Matilda asks, “Isn’t that dangerous?” Harry barks back, “Not to me, OK?” When she tells him that what he’s doing is dishonest and illegal, he gives his staple reply that’s reminiscent of leaders who run roughshod over concerned members: “I’m smart, you’re dumb. I’m big, you’re little. I’m right, you’re wrong. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
I think it’s wrong for churches to package these practices as “grace” when it’s quite the opposite. It’s dishonest. Failing to inform the church of an abuser’s history of abuse is putting others at risk. Last year I wrote a post about J.D. Greear’s Summit Church’s policy on registered sex offenders. Their policy is linked to as a resource in the SBC’s Caring Well curriculum, touting it as a model policy. You can read my post, which has a copy of Summit Church’s policy embedded. In short, Summit Church makes it clear that only certain leaders will be notified of the sex offender status while church members are asked to “sacrifice peace of mind” that comes with keeping sex offenders away from church where their children attend. Harry Wormwood could have written the policy, and Caring Well is supposed to be the SBC’s gold standard for teaching other churches how to prevent and handle abuse.
It should not surprise anyone, then, that once again Summit Church is making waves. On June 1st, Summit Church hired Bryan Loritts, who allegedly destroyed cell phone evidence when his brother-in-law took voyeuristic videos of approximately one hundred victims when he was at Fellowship Memphis ten years ago. Julie Roys spoke with Jennifer Baker, a victim of Loritts’ brother-in-law, Rick Trotter. Jennifer and another witness from Fellowship Memphis called Summit Church to express concerns about Loritts. Jennifer Baker told Julie Roys, “Shame on Summit for taking a full hour to meet with Greg and (me) ‘to gain more insight and information,’ and then put out this blatantly false statement in complete contradiction to what we testified and what we spelled out for them.”
Church leaders need to do better. We’ve got to be more honest. Churches who invite abusers in should at least offer disclaimers when having anything to do with sex offenders and those who protect and defend them. Otherwise, the message that’s sent to church members may as well be the same as Harry Wormwood: “I’m smart, you’re dumb. I’m big, you’re little. I’m right, you’re wrong. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
I am not attacking church leaders here. I’m a church leader myself, and I’m begging them to repent and reconsider these policies. We’ve got to understand how these policies look to church members. More importantly, we need to see what message this communicates to abuse survivors. When people’s lives have been wrecked by dangerous predators, it makes no sense when those same predators are painted as safe or righteous when they have a history of abusing minor children.
If churches want to accept sexual predators into their worship service, that’s entirely up to them. It’s not what I would do, but I cannot tell other churches what to do. If the policy is to allow sexual predators to attend, though, the very least they can do is have enough decency to tell the church who the predator is and what his or her history of abuse is. If they are on the sex offender registry, print it off and hand it to church members. A repentant sex offender will thank leaders who inform the church. More importantly, a repentant abuser will have absolutely nothing to hide. A non-repentant one, however, will shame you. Be honest about someone’s bad behaviors and criminal activity. Parents of children will thank you.
Advocates and abuse survivors are not quite convinced that the SBC is really working to protect victims. Neither am I, especially after going through the Caring Well curriculum. To be fair, most of the content is decent. I found myself audibly Amen-ing Diane Langberg and Rachael Denhollander throughout. Those two understand abusers and what it takes to keep people safe from them. Then I came to Lesson Ten–Pastoral Care and Correction For an Abuser. The problem with this dangerous lesson is the same problem I encounter with the vast majority of churches–the theology doesn’t allow them to name people as wolves and to keep them at bay. Worse, it actually protects the wolf while leaving the sheep vulnerable.
As best I can tell, over past dozen years, what has changed institutionally in the #SBC at state & national levels re clergy sex abuse is primarily that leaders have gotten a lot more sophisticated & cunning in their PR tactics. But #CaringWell? No. Not even close. #SBCtoohttps://t.co/rWbx4YXQgO
This false theology of protecting abusers assumes that all people are capable of repenting and that the church should be a place where all are welcome, regardless of what they’ve done (or are doing). It’s driven by authoritarian leadership structures that give leaders all the power to make decisions regarding abusers, regardless of what church members or abuse survivors think. It allows leaders to keep the church in the dark about the presence of abusers and anyone who questions the leaders’ decisions are labeled as divisive trouble makers.
Foundations are vital. Get the foundation wrong and everything else we build on it will eventually crumble. When I speak places, I often ask what God’s foundation is. This is the most basic question that we all should be able to answer. Yet not one person has ever answered it correctly. The right answer is righteousness and justice: “Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before you” (Psalm 89:14 ESV).
Righteousness–doing what is right, just, and fair (a term used for balancing scales)–and justice–the act of deciding a case and executing a sentence with righteousness as the standard of judgement–are the foundation of God. Everything-literally everything-is built on doing what is fair, just, and balanced, and meeting out justice according to one’s actions. Only in this context can Jesus make sense when John introduced him as someone whose axe is already laid at the root of the tree. John said that every tree that does not bear good fruit “is cut down and thrown into the fire” by Jesus (Matthew 3:10). John continued his introduction of Jesus: “His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire” (Matthew 10:12).
Righteousness and justice are married throughout the Bible. They cannot be separated. Isaiah 59 gives a thorough description of what happens when Israel turns a blind eye to oppression. Evil increases and chaos ensues. Isaiah 59:9 sums it up perfectly:
“Therefore justice is far from us, and righteousness does not overtake us; we hope for light, and behold, darkness, and for brightness, but we walk in gloom. “
The foundation of righteousness and justice requires an account for people who refuse to repent. If we don’t know what righteous behavior is, the scales automatically tip in one direction or the other based on what we feel about a person and justice becomes impossible. Jesus echoed John’s words in Matthew 7:19 when he said, “Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.” Over and over again Jesus named wolves and kept them away from his sheep. He overturned tables and chased oppressors out of the Temple with whips. He gave a lengthy “woe to you” sermon without ending with, “But all are welcome here.” He said that it would be better for the one who causes a little one of his to stumble to have a millstone tied around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. He said he was sending his disciples out like sheep among the wolves. Therefore, they were to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. He said that the hired hand runs away when the wolf comes because he cares not for the sheep: “He sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them” (John 10: 12).
Over and over and over again, the scriptures are clear that wolves pretend to be sheep, sneak in, and destroy. It’s not just what wolves do, it’s who they are. Never is the plea to give them community, more love, empathy, understanding, etc. Why? Because of righteousness and justice. Paul says to avoid such people. He goes on to say that evil people and impostors go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived (2 Tim. 3:13). Peter gives a gut wrenching description of false prophets who were sexual predators in 2 Peter 2. There is zero hint of empathy, restoration, or redemption. Why? Because of God’s foundation. Jesus doesn’t say that wolves can be saved. He says they produce thistles and are incapable of producing good fruit. Therefore they are cut down and thrown out. To be clear, those are Jesus’ words and not mine.
Consistently wolves are identified and told to get out. Make no mistake that people who pretend to be righteous in order to steal away the innocence of children and violate them in the worst possible ways are not sheep. They are not people who “mess up, slip up, or fall into temptation.” I’ve been around abusers and have been studying them for a long time. They know exactly what they are doing. They are meticulous in their planning, scheming, and execution of their plans. Very rarely do sexual predators repent, even when the words are there. This is not because they are “struggling” with sin. It is because they are deceptive wolves. They thrive on deceit and stealing that which does not belong to them.
Regardless of what one’s theology is on sheep versus wolves, what concerns me the most is that the Caring Well curriculum coddles predators, welcomes them into the church, and gives them all the secrecy and anonymity they need in order to keep abusing. As if the Lesson Ten on pastoral care for the abuser wasn’t alarming enough, the final lesson, Lesson Twelve, gives a list of follow up resources. The third resource is an article by Brad Hambrick called, “Registered Sex Offender. A Sample Church Membership and Attendance Policy.” This is the exact policy that advocates and survivors work so hard to fight against. This policy is written as a letter to the abuser and it begins with the word, “Friend.” These “friends” are given anonymity and, like usual, the only people “in the know” about the registered sex offender status are a select group of leaders.
I’ve highlighted the sections within this sample policy that are most alarming and dangerous.
First, Summit Church is touted as “a safe place for everyone.” What that means is that abusers are also kept safe within the church. If you don’t believe me, there are three priorities and the third priority is “opportunities to worship and fellowship for everyone, including those under RSO (registered sex offender) status.“ Very ironically, the protection and safety of abuse survivors is not mentioned in the top three priorities.
The next highlighted section assumes the abusers are “wrestling with the consequences of past actions” and that doing so “can be emotionally difficult.” The policy also rushes to offer unconditional forgiveness: “We want to reiterate throughout this process that you are offered full forgiveness because of Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection. We do not want you to live with a sense of shame.” Oh. My. Goodness. Can you imagine Jesus talking to the money exchangers like this? Remember, these are not people who went out drinking on a Friday night and got themselves into trouble. They are child rapists. They are predators. They are people who have many victims. They are people who deceived, tested, and groomed everyone around them in order to steal the innocence away from little boys and girls. They lived, and continue to live a double life. It’s not just what they do, it’s who they are.
It gets worse. It clearly states, “You can attend services where children are present.” Confusingly, they can attend services where children are present but then page 3 lists conditions that the abuser has to agree to. #9 says, “I acknowledge and agree that all children and student areas are off limits at all times, even if my children are attending Summit Church.” #10 says, “I will not attend a Summit Church small group or visit the home of a Summit Church family where children are present, without the parent knowing my history and giving permission for my entry into their home.” If this isn’t confusing, I don’t know what is. They can attend services where children are present without church members being aware of their presence, but not in a small group, the children’s wing, or in someone’s home.
It can’t be overstated that this policy intentionally keeps the lay church members in the dark. On page 2, under FAQ, it reads, “Who would know about this arrangement and agreement? Those who would know about this arrangement are: the pastors of the Summit Church, the lay elders at your campus, campus security teams, and the point person(s) over student and children’s ministries at your campus.” Really? So the church remains unaware of the agreement between the leadership and the person who is on the public sex offender registry? The church should always have a copy of the agreement unless there is something to hide.
This is not an exaggeration. According to the policy, the elders work with the abuser to pick his own team of individuals to “care” for him. They “do want them to be people you know, trust, and like.” Then what happens when the abuser shows up at church? Page 1 says, “This person would great (sic) you when you arrived at a Summit service or event, at a discrete location, and have you check-in via an app on their phone. . . In function, these individuals should be viewed as a supportive friend. We want you to identify people you would be ‘doing life’ with at Summit anyway and make that more intentional. Socially, there would be nothing to draw attention to this shepherding arrangement.“ Isn’t that cute? You can’t make this stuff up! The abuser is checked in at a discrete location by the supportive friend, and the abuser is reassured that nothing will be done to draw attention to this agreement.
So let’s recap. Abusers are our friends, we will reiterate that they are forgiven, they get to hand select who their accountability friend is that they will be “doing life” with, they can attend services where children are present, they can check into church at a discrete location, there will be nothing to draw attention to this agreement, and the only ones who know about this agreement are pastors, lay elders, campus security teams, and only the point person(s) over children’s ministries.
Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, on page 2 they state the purpose for having this secret agreement with the sex offender: “Why is this needed? How is this loving? This is a form of protection for you and provides peace of mind to the families in our church.” By now, readers may wonder how families will get peace of mind about this secret agreement if they are not even aware of it. Strangely, the policy reassures the sex offender that they will be the ones protected and that this secret policy “provides peace of mind to the families in our church.” Yet confusingly, the next paragraph states that leaders are “asking” families to sacrifice peace of mind: “We are asking families to sacrifice peace of mind that would be present if we did not allow anyone under RSO status to attend.“ In other words, they acknowledge that there is a peace of mind that comes with knowing that registered sex offenders are not permitted to attend church. However, the leaders are “asking” families to sacrifice that peace of mind by inviting sex offenders to attend. My jaw is literally on the floor in disbelief! I wonder how many family members have ever been approached by leaders who ask them if they are willing to sacrifice their peace of mind by having sex offenders attend.
The final page has interview questions to ask the sex offender. This is where the real coddling comes into play. They give the sex offender plenty of wiggle room to not answer questions, to only answer when they are ready, and they’re even instructed to ask the abuser permission to talk to a former church that they attended. At least they are sensitive to the abuser’s feelings and, as part of protection for the abuser, they protect their emotions too: “Do they become emotionally overwhelmed as they tell their story? Assessment: Is this person going to be able to withstand the process of joining a small group which will entail the members of the group knowing his/her RSO status?”
Gee whiz. This policy is an abuser’s paradise. It gives them everything they need to be empowered: choice, secrecy, anonymity, access to children, a “sacrifice” on the part of families by allowing the sex offender to be there, and a way to crank up their emotions in the interview process. Advocates know that written policy is very important. The policy endorsed by Caring Well as a top resource, and one that is used at JD Greear’s Summit Church, is reckless, in my opinion.
A couple of years ago I interviewed someone who works with the parole board and has worked in the prison for over 22 years. He told me that sex offenders always change character when before the board. They know the right things to say and when and how to cry. It is all faked. He described one inmate who was a serial child rapist who propped his feet on my friend’s desk. He was cocky and arrogant. A few days later he was before the parole board and was sobbing, saying he’s learned from his mistakes and promised to never hurt anyone again. He was so “ashamed” of what he had done. Here is an excerpt from my interview:
Unless someone is an abuse survivor, most Christians I interact with assume that child predators are remorseful and ashamed when they go to prison and that they pose little risk when they get out of prison. Does this perception match the reality you see with incarcerated sex offenders?
“Absolutely not. We obviously see that remorse about every time I interview a sex offender in my room or any time a parole agent does. I don’t interview as many as I used to but when I do remorse is always the first thing we see. They are crying and say they are so sorry for what they have done. When they get to my department they want to sit on the tack because that’s how they’re getting out the door. In Pennsylvania, we have the Act 98 law. The law says that if you are not admitting to your crime and you are not in treatment, you are not even considered for parole. So remorse is their ticket to get a green light to the parole board.“
In my opinion, Caring Well’s Lesson Ten and this policy as a top resource undoes everything that the other survivors and advocates accomplished in the previous nine lessons. Even more important, it demonstrates that the SBC proves itself to be full of empty words when their actions and policies reflect a culture of secrecy, welcoming abusers into the church against the will of its members, and protecting those same abusers. Until the SBC develops policies that are transparent, it will be known as the organization that hides and protects abusers.
This post is not meant to criticize and wish any ill towards the SBC. Quite the opposite. I want the SBC to get it right. But remaining silent when such dangerous policies are being implemented is not an option. The SBC cannot claim it is caring well when secret agreements hide convicted sex offenders in the church against the knowledge or will of its church members. I pray that more people shine a light on these injustices. I pray that the SBC leaders who think it’s OK to embrace predators and maintain secrecy are either broken or removed. It is my plea to see the Body built upon a foundation of righteousness and justice.
A few years ago I was home with a bad stomach bug. I was in the middle of a violent vomiting episode when I heard my dogs barking and going nuts. For ten minutes they were barking obsessively. I finally got enough energy to go inspect the issue and there stood a man, hands cupped against his face, peering into my living room window as he called out my name. I knew the guy. And didn’t like him either. He was an abuser who lived across from my church office and regularly stopped cancer patients as they were pulling into the neighboring oncology center to harass and cuss them out. He had the police called on him repeatedly. I called the police on him multiple times. I watched out my church office window one day as a police officer drew his gun on him because he was threatening to kill his girlfriend with a knife. One time he pulled a knife out at a local church and was invoking my name to get off the hook, saying that we were good friends. I had sent multiple email warnings to all the local churches about him and told them about his violence. Yet several churches told me it was their “Christian duty” to invite him in. I disagree.
This man is currently in prison for beating up his girlfriend and leaving her for dead. He routinely harassed and threatened me, sometimes calling me fifteen times a day. There is a difference between someone who has anger issues and someone who is an abuser. This man did not have anger issues. He is an abuser. He will never be invited into my home or church when he is released from prison. My elders at church will not offer a chaperone to “keep an eye on him” when he is released. They won’t do it because he is an abuser. He is violent. He has a long history of harassing, intimidating, and threatening people.
Quite often I’m told of churches who have “covenant agreements” with known serial child predators. They, too, are abusers. Churches have shared covenant agreements with me to show me how wonderful it is that the leadership extends grace while “keeping an eye” on convicted serial abusers. I’m unimpressed. If we don’t trust predators to be in our homes around our own children, why would we invite them into our churches to have access to other people’s children? To make it worse, leaders normally keep the abuse a secret from the church members.
The following is a covenant agreement that was given to me by a church that has a child rapist in the church who doubled as a minister and youth minister when he was raping multiple young girls in his youth group. He is a tier 3 offender and, against the strong recommendation of the Sex Offender Assessment Board, a judge chose not to assign a sexually violent predator status. Only a hand full of church leaders even know he is a sex offender, and the congregation was never informed. This is a large church and parents of kids have no idea that there is a serial child rapist sitting in their pews. Parents, if they knew of the terms of the covenant agreement, should be alarmed. The serial predator has a sponsor who he “may be” asked to check in with. I redacted the church name and highlighted some things that just made me shake my head in disbelief. This covenant agreement is very similar to all the others that I’ve collected over the years.
There are a host of reasons why I think chaperoning known abusers is a bad idea, but I’ll share just a few here. For one, abusers are far more sophisticated than the chaperones who “may” be watching them. They are masters of deception and the average person does not know how sophisticated their techniques are. I know, in the above mentioned case, that the abuser is not confined to areas of the building designated for adults only. I know because he attends worship, where hundreds of children surround him. The notion that there are areas of a church building “designated for adults” is absurd.
Second, churches most often are not informed that such agreements even exist and leaders intentionally keep hidden the fact that sexual predators are in the church. This agreement says, “Information about your background will only be shared with people of the congregation who need to be aware.” In this case, at a church of over 1,000, seven people were counted among those who “need to be aware.” I would like to know who makes the decision for who remains informed and who doesn’t.
Third, abusers are wolves. This particular man was masquerading as a minister of the Gospel while he was raping multiple children. He is not a “lost, injured, or weak” Christian who needs to be prayed over. He is an abuser, an impostor, and a deceiver who needs to be kept at bay.
Fourth, if an abuser can’t be trusted and has all kinds of restrictions, including having a chaperone, he is not repentant. I challenge you to find this twisted theology in the Bible that I hear so often–“He can be forgiven but that doesn’t mean we should trust him.” This statement comes from our desperation to be inclusive of everyone. Can you imagine the church saying this about the apostle Paul? Which leads me to the final point.
Abusers have a pathology. They abuse people, not because they “struggle” with sin, but because they want to abuse people. This is why they can’t ever be trusted. The Bible correctly labels abusive people as deceivers, impostors, white washed tombs, snakes, thorns, thistles, chaff, waterless mists, evil people, wolves, and so on. It’s important to note that this language is not used for sinners like you, me, or even the apostle Paul.
In fact, all of us have a pathology. While we’re talking about Paul, let’s talk about why he went from insolent opponent and persecutor of Christians to an apostle and missionary. Paul’s pathology was always to please God no matter what. Period. Wrong as he was when he persecuted Christians, Paul wasn’t deceptive and dishonest when he did it. Nor was he doing it for personal gain or pleasure. Paul was persecuting Christians for one reason and one reason only: because he thought that’s what God wanted. When Paul had a vision of Jesus on the road to Damascus, his pathology never changed. Paul repented, was baptized, and continued to do what would please God. His pathology never changed. His actions did.
In fact, Paul told Timothy, “I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief. . . ” (1 Timothy 1:12, 13). It was because of Paul’s ignorance and unbelief that he was able to receive mercy. Paul was not intentionally deceptive. In fact, Paul talks very negatively about such wolves: “. . . while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived” (2 Timothy 3:13). Paul’s advice for people who are abusive, treacherous, ungrateful, having the appearance of godliness but denying its power? . . . “Avoid such people” (2 Timothy 3:5). Why? because they have a pathology. And that pathology isn’t to please God. It’s to pretend to be godly so they can abuse, steal, deceive, and get what they came for.
Just imagine if the church in Antioch said, “Paul we’re going to have you sign a covenant saying you won’t go near Christians who are vulnerable. We’ll assign you a chaperone. There are certain areas that you’ll be restricted from going to. If you violate this covenant, you “may be” removed.” The very thought of it is absurd. Paul was trusted because Paul previously sinned in ignorance. Though he once persecuted Christians he was not pretending to be someone he wasn’t. He didn’t deceive, lie, threaten, intimidate, stalk, molest, grope, or rape people while pretending to be a godly man. But Paul sure mentions such people. In fact, he has a lot to say about deception: “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them. . . and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them” (Ephesians 5:6-11).
Paul never extended an invitation to deceivers and people who work in secrecy for selfish gain. He consistently said to avoid them, expose them, and keep them out of the church. Why? Because abusers’ pathology is to deceive, steal, and masquerade as someone they are not in order to get what they want.
Ask your leaders if they have a secret covenant agreement to keep wolves secretly hidden within the confines of your church. If they do, ask for a copy. Ask if there are currently any people who have signed such an agreement and who they are. My guess is that they will tell you that you will not be qualified as someone “who needs to be aware,” but ask yourself, is this something Jesus would be OK with? Would Paul be OK with wolves having a secret agreement between just them and the leaders and having a chaperone because they can’t be trusted? If the answer is no, perhaps there needs to be a serious conversation about the validity of these secret covenants.
Pedophile abusers are not intimidated by church policies or accountability partners and will not refrain from abusing kids simply because a handful of people are “keeping an eye” on them. When they are in the church, they are primed for abuse and will strike again. Churches have made a fatal theological mistake by not calling wolves by the proper name and this, in my opinion, is a leading reason why churches continue to be one of the most dangerous places for our youth. Churches mistakenly accept wolves as if they were sheep and give them exactly what they seek to devour. The Bible rightly distinguishes wolves from sheep because wolves are inherently intent on feasting on their prey. A wolf does not get better–he or she gets smarter. Wolves do not convert into sheep. They are, by nature, predators and predators blend in to the flock of prey exceptionally well.
Peter says, “They count it pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you” (2 Peter 2:13 ESV). Peter never has a nice, forgiving, or accommodating word for them. Never does he talk about reconciliation; never does he refer to these false preachers as “brothers.” Quite the opposite. Peter says, “What the true proverb says has happened to them: ‘The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire'” (2 Peter 2:22).
What about Paul? Is he any softer in his approach? Not even close! Paul says that they are “reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people” (2 Timothy 3:4, 5). In the very next sentence Paul says that they “creep into households” and capture weak (vulnerable) women who are “burdened with sins and led astray by various passions.” Importantly, Paul doesn’t prescribe religious community to bring these impostors to repentance or to hold them accountable. Instead he warns Timothy and recommends Christians in the Ephesian church avoid them! Why? Because, according to Paul, “evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived” (2 Timothy 3:13).
Surely Jesus, who died for mankind and told people to love their enemies and turn the other cheek, has more compassion on abusers who masquerade as righteous people? Jesus himself sternly warned, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruit. . . A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15, 18-20).
I find it extremely relevant that Jesus never asks us to pray for, encourage, heal, or embrace the false prophet who masquerades as a child of light. In fact, no author of the Bible does. Rather, we find a trove of passages throughout the Bible–passages that have been conveniently ignored or glossed over–which tell us to warn others about oppressive, abusive, and deceptive people. Why should we warn and not encourage? Because impostors have evil intentions, they love to revel in the daytime, they are fueled by deception, and they will always go from bad to worse.
After my own dad was exposed as an abuser, I had to deconstruct all the twisted theology I’d been taught my whole life. It takes an incredible amount of humility and honesty to admit that much of what we thought we knew about God could be flawed. But I wanted to know what God had to say about evil in light of his justice and, particularly, what he says about deception. The vast majority of churches I’ve come into contact with re-frame deception as “stumbling,” “getting caught up in sin,” etc. and argue that the Bible implores us to embrace all sinners and reintegrate them into the fold. The sheer irony is that seldom is this same principle applied to victims of child sexual abuse (or abuse of any kind). Clearly we need more accurate training in our seminaries.
I have studied pedophiles and their deception techniques a lot. Actually, that’s an understatement. I’ve lived and breathed it for the past seven years. The more I observe, the more I realize that the Bible speaks with precision when it comes to deception and that impostors, unlike other sinners, are always calculated, intentional, and purposely intend to intimidate and inflict harm on innocent victims. Impostors really do revel in the daytime. They thrive on the adrenaline rush they get from oppressing the innocent and vulnerable. They love using religious speak and sound very convincing. And they always go on from bad to worse. I’ve waded through thousands of pages of documents and have spoken with hundreds of people trying to grasp the gravity of it all. I’ve asked pointed questions of pedophile offenders and the people who work beside them in prisons.
And one thing that keeps capturing my attention is this: Abusers get a rush from getting caught abusing victims in plain sight. Some of you may know that my expertise is in deception and abuse in plain sight. I’ve written many posts about this and now collaborate with neuroscientists Dr. Stephen Macknik and Dr. Susana Martinez-Conde. Their data on visual illusions and what they’ve coined “sleights of mind” is earth-shattering, in my opinion. Their research on deception has opened up a whole new world for me and helped me unlock a host of ideas and concepts that were long floating around in my head. It’s well known that many abusers (possibly the majority of abusers) intentionally abuse their victims in plain sight of others. What’s not as well known is that they consciously use sophisticated techniques that they practice in order to hack belief systems and hold the adults’ spotlight of attention. Just like close up magic, these techniques are used to keep adults blind to the abuse that’s happening right in front of them.
But there is an additional thrill that comes when they are caught. Several years ago, when discussing specific techniques used to abuse victims in plain sight of adults, my dad had this to say about getting caught:
“If it all comes out, how would you prove any of this? So nothing happens except the pedophile is now emboldened to explore more brazen abuses and win the acceptance/trust and secrecy of the child.”
I think the world was shocked in January when many victims and their parents described how Dr. Larry Nassar would digitally penetrate and massage the bare breasts of his victims as he was casually talking with the parents who were in the same room. The Bible says this type of impostor who revels in the daylight will go on from bad to worse. He had everyone fooled in spite of the many times he was reported. Nassar is an important case study because he is exactly the type of abuser that churches long to embrace. He masterfully fakes remorse and his abuse techniques are common to most abusers. His demeanor is kind, grandfatherly, and respectful. He convincingly appeared to be broken over the uncovering of his sins at Judge Aquilina’s sentencing. But I wasn’t buying his facade for a second. I know that abusers like Larry Nassar thrive on abuse in plain sight. I also believed that Nassar was like the typical abuser my dad described in countless letters to me from prison. So I did some research.
I discovered that Nassar was in fact caught many times. And each time he was caught, with the exception of the final interrogation in 2016, Larry Nassar responded exactly how my dad described abusers in his letter–it only emboldened him to explore more brazen abuses and win the acceptance/secrecy of the child. The following is a case-in-point with a victim named in a suit as Jane C. Doe. Nassar had a medical assistant in the room who asked him where his hand was as he was digitally penetrating his victim. It did not deter Nassar in the least. In fact, he dismissed the assistant from the room and continued to penetrate his victim:
Over the years, several little girls reported that Nassar had touched them in a way that was not right. It made them very uncomfortable, caused physical pain, and even urinary tract infections. One victim, named Larissa Boyce, told coach Kathie Klages about the abuse. Klages, who was later indicted herself, brushed it off and told Larissa that she was mistaken, that Larry was a “good friend.” If you believe, like I once believed, that a little girl reporting to another coach would make an abuser like Nassar nervous, you would be wrong. The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire. Evil people and impostors go on from bad to worse. Here is what happened the next time Larissa was sent back to Larry Nassar for “treatment” after reporting to Klages:
The next time she went to visit Larry, he closed the door, pulled up a stool, sat down, and looked at her. “So,” he said, “I talked to Kathie.”
The abuse continued. Many argue that I’m unfair to abusers “who have a past” and that once they spent time in prison we have no business “airing their dirty laundry” to the church. But I’ve waded through hundreds of pages of documents just on Larry Nassar alone. He did this over and over again, victim after helpless victim. When he suspected or knew that a victim told on him, the abuse always intensified and progressed to more blatant techniques in front of their parents. This is not unique to Larry Nassar. It’s what abusers do. There’s a thrill of the hunt, but there’s a bigger thrill of getting caught and talking their way out of it.
This is why I will never recommend a church create limited contact agreements (aka “accountability covenants”) for convicted pedophiles who were released from prison. Never assume that prison somehow transformed them, or broke them down, or that they are not skilled enough to find a way to abuse a child right in front of your eyes.
When I watched the Nassar sentencing live, I cheered Judge Aquilina on when she read part of Nassar’s letter. Nassar had just read his statement to his victims and he said that hearing his victims “has shaken me to my core.” Again, I wasn’t buying it, and neither was Judge Aquilina. I’ve seen this dog-and-pony act that abusers give to churches when they are released from prison. They are incredibly convincing with their words, body posture, and crocodile tears. Yet the Bible demands that we beware. God’s word tells us that deceivers and impostors are waterless mists, born for destruction, and they revel in the daytime while they feast with you.
After Nassar’s apology to his victims, Judge Aquilina read part of Nassar’s letter that he wrote a couple months prior. She said, “The reason I’m going to do that (read parts of the letter) is because I’ve considered it in sentencing as an extension of your apology, and whether I believe it or not.” Nassar berated the Attorney General, the Federal Judge, Judge Aquilina, and even the victims when he claimed “what I did in the state cases was all medical, not sexual. . . The media convinced them (victims) that everything I did was wrong and bad. They feel I broke their trust. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn.”
In a recent interview with TODAY, Hoda Kotb asked Judge Aquilina, “Do you think it registered to him that he did something wrong?” Judge Aquilina immediately answered, “No. That’s why there’s the meme of me tossing the letter. I tossed it because there’s a bunch of junk in there and the primary problem I have with the letter is that he still thinks he’s a doctor and he still thinks he was performing medical (treatment).”
I beg church leaders to study this. Read the court dockets. Listen to Nassar’s victims as they recount the trauma and pain. Listen to Nassar’s lame apology, and listen to the letter he wrote a couple months prior. Then ask yourself if you think he’s remorseful now that he’s in prison, if he’s haunted by what he has done to hundreds, if not thousands of victims. Remember that Nassar learned that one of his victims committed suicide and he heard another victim, Kyle Stephens, describe how she lost her father to suicide because of the abuse.
Nassar was not remorseful on the day of sentencing and he is not remorseful now. In fact, he already appealed his sentence three times since January! This is what wolves do. Nassar appealed. Sandusky appealed. Jared Fogle appealed. Bill Cosby appealed. My own father appealed just two weeks ago. Pick any abuser. They are entitled. They believe the system is rigged and they will do whatever it takes to get out of prison so they can go back into our churches where they will be embraced and protected. I will say it till I’m blue in the face–keeping an eye on abusers is not effective. If abusers can full on molest victims in front of trained medical staff, be questioned on it, and return to abusing the same victim seconds later, believe when I say that an accountability covenant won’t deter them. Extra windows on doors won’t deter them. We need to realize that abusers are wolves, and our theology of warning and protecting others needs to match it.
I strongly believe that we need to focus our attention on learning and understanding specific techniques abusers use to abuse their victims in plain sight. These wolves are banking on our ignorance. They expect to be able to talk themselves out of it because most of us would never believe that someone could molest a child within inches of us without our seeing it. It sounds absurd. And the abusers know it.
It’s important to note that what finally made Nassar crumble was when Rachael Denhollander, one of Nassar’s victims, took the time to study Nassar’s abusive techniques juxtaposed with proper pelvic floor treatment. Though she didn’t necessarily study the techniques Nassar used to keep her mother blind to the abuse, she was thorough in her research of pelvic floor techniques. She did her homework and armed the police with enough information that they could begin, for the first time ever, to poke holes in Nassar’s explanation of his fake methodology. Rachael said:
“And I brought with me to those reports, my medical records showing that Larry had never charted penetrative techniques. I brought medical records from a nurse practitioner documenting my graphic disclosure of abuse way back in 2004. “I had my journals showing the mental anguish I had been in since the assault, a catalog of national and international medical journal articles showing what real pelvic floor treatment looks like. I brought a letter from a neighboring district attorney vouching for my character and truthfulness and urging detectives to take my case seriously.”
If we are going to ever stand a chance of detecting deception, we must begin with studying it. Another important step is to have a proper theology where we name wolves and warn congregations that they are near. The Bible instructs us to warn others and to avoid wolves, not because it is archaic and judgmental. Rather, the Bible expects us to tap into wisdom and to use discernment so that we can recognize when impostors have crept in among us. Children will never stand a chance if we fail to identify wolves and keep them at bay.
Over the last few weeks, I found myself struggling to keep up with the ever growing inbox of messages asking for help. They weren’t from church leaders but from church members. In each of the messages, a few members found out that a registered sex offender was attending the congregation. Some of the offenders had been there well over a decade. Some were loitering near children’s areas and others were actually volunteering with minor children. In every case the church leaders were not only aware, but they chose not to inform the congregation. I looked up records for each of the offenders. Some were bad enough, but some were really bad. I’ve personally seen this scenario hundreds of times now. Churches almost never respond to abuse well. When they do respond well, we should celebrate and let them know that they’ve done a good job. In about 98% of the cases I’ve seen, however, the churches failed to inform their congregations when a sex offender is attending.
I was lamenting this to a good friend of mine and I told him that the leaders are consistently making decisions that are the complete opposite of how they should actually be responding. They care for, protect, and nurture the wolf while the sheep are left out to fend for themselves unaware that a wolf is in the sheep pen eyeing the ewe lambs. I shared with my friend that I was driving down our one way main street in town the other day and a car was coming towards me in the wrong direction. We all slowed down but she kept barreling down the street even though a line of cars was facing her. She finally stopped just feet from my car but her face showed that she was visibly agitated with me. For a second I was pretty sure she was going to start ramming my car! She finally pulled off to the side to let us past but she made it known that we were the jerks for not letting her continue through in the wrong direction.
I was describing my analogy to him. “It’s like the leaders consistently drive the wrong way down Decision Avenue and get agitated when anyone confronts them. And all we’re trying to do is turn them around and minimize casualties,” I said. My friend reminded me of the scene in the 1987 John Candy and Steve Martin movie Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. The clip is a silly way to demonstrate a very real problem–many leaders are making uninformed decisions and doing it with complete confidence. They routinely shut down people who try to warn them that they are making dangerous decisions.
My purpose is not to poke fun at these leaders, but to plead with them to have the humility to listen to people who are warning them that their decisions are dangerous to the flock. When I reported my father I surrounded myself with wise counsel. My wife and I selected church members whom we felt had common sense, wisdom, and could help us make informed decisions. When we shut out the voices of our congregations we no longer have leadership–we have dictatorship.
Here is a sampling of the most common statements concerned members hear from the leaders regarding registered sex offenders in their churches:
He (or she) did his time
We don’t want to bring shame on this brother
It’s not fair to publicize his past sins
He poses no threat to children
We’re keeping an eye on him
He’s not allowed near the children’s wing
We met with him and he’s very remorseful and repentant
We need to encourage him and his family and shining a light on his past sins will greatly discourage him
You’re not to tell anyone about this because you’ll be undermining the leadership
Perhaps I should use another analogy to describe why it’s unwise to fail to inform the congregation. Suppose a person comes into a congregation who was recently released from prison. She tells them that she spent some time in prison but it mostly was a “misunderstanding.” She says they are free to look up her record if they want to know more (knowing full well that they won’t take the time to do so) and she assures them that she has learned from her dumb mistakes. Two years later, and with their blessing, she volunteers to drive the church van on an overnight annual camping trip. The parents load their kids up in the church van, snap some pictures, and wish their kids farewell.
The reality is that this volunteer had 5 D.U.I. charges and the final one that landed her in prison was a vehicular homicide charge for killing a teenage girl when she crossed into oncoming traffic. My questions–Whose responsibility was it to actually look up her records before allowing her to drive a van full of kids? Why did the elders take her word that she was in prison for a “misunderstanding” and that she has learned her lesson? Did the parents have the right to know of this woman’s past criminal charges before packing their kids into a van with her behind the wheel? And would it have been unfair to the woman for the elders to inform the parents of her charges or is it more unfair to the parents of the kids for their failure to inform?
Nobody in their right mind would allow someone convicted of 5 D.U.I.s and vehicular homicide to volunteer to drive a van full of kids, no matter how long ago the crimes happened. Yet, surprisingly, with child rapists they consistently and intentionally hide their charges from the congregation. Why?
I offer my opinion for why this is so:
Their theology is very bad. There are loads of passages that speak to warning people of dangerous/violent people. Consider Ezekiel 33:6: “But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet, so that the people are not warned, and the sword comes and takes any one of them, that person is taken away in his iniquity, but his blood I will require at the watchman’s hand.” They also believe that the oppressors, not the oppressed, are the ones who need time and attention. This is the polar opposite of what the Bible teaches.
They lack humility. Church members are routinely warned not to “usurp authority,” are not believed, are told that they are being overreactive, and told that it is at the leaders’ discretion as to whether the church is informed or not about an abuser’s record(in other words, church members are “not allowed” to inform other church members). In many cases, members are dismissed from their churches and told not to come back. This is exactly the abusive kind of leadership God warns about in Ezekiel 34.
They are not aware of their blind spots. All of us have blind spots. We have to be aware that abusers are incredibly skilled at finding them, exploiting them, and residing within those blind spots. Abusers prey on the naivety and busyness of church leaders. Never take an abuser’s word that there were “misunderstandings.” Records are public for a reason. Always look them up. Know who you are dealing with, what their crimes were, and what their restrictions are as part of their probation or parole.
Facades are more powerful than reality itself. When I hear leaders say that an abuser no longer poses a threat, I ask them whose professional assessment that is and if they are willing to put it into writing. Abusers know that putting up a clean, pure facade is powerfully effective in winning the hearts of whomever is standing in front of them. Humans have a bad habit of resisting or ignoring facts when someone is likable.
They believe warning a church is unfair. They not only believe it is unfair to the abuser, but they wrongly believe that warning a church will upset the church or create unnecessary drama. The reality is that parents will appreciate being warned that a serial pedophile, rapist, or violent person is in their midst. They will appreciate it more if the leaders are proactive in developing a plan to protect the vulnerable and innocent from that person. My advice–enlist the help of survivors to come up with a plan that both protects the flock and ministers to other survivors within the church.
