Can churches recover after abuse? A better question is how do churches recover after abuse? It’s no secret that, under my leadership, our church experienced abuse of the worst kind at the hands of my own father. In 2011 I reported my own father after a disclosure of abuse. Our worst nightmare came true. We quickly found out that there were at least dozens of victims, all of them very young children at the time of their abuse.
Our small rural church was completely devastated. My family was devastated. Our entire community was instantly wrecked. I am living proof that churches can recover after abuse. But the church will never be the same. How can it? Abuse changes everything. It steals innocence, takes away the feeling of being safe, and destroys trust. Churches absolutely can recover after abuse but it takes hard work and dedication to do the right thing. Here are five things churches can do to recover after abuse:
- Report abuse – I’m always astounded at the resistance churches give to report abuse of children. It shouldn’t surprise me because currently 33 states exempt clergy from reporting abuse of minors if the information is considered privileged. When laws are not in favor of protecting children decent people should be. Sadly most are not. Isn’t it strange that churches will always report vandalism to authorities? Yet they rarely report abuse of children. When we treat material possessions better than our children it says something of the moral compass. There is a trove of evidence that shows churches are among the most dangerous places for children to be abused. I’ve consulted with dozens of churches and for the few that had a handful of leaders willing to do the right thing, they were almost always threatened by other leaders who worked triple time to cover up abuse. It should be a given that we church leaders report allegations of abuse, no questions asked. Finding loopholes to evade reporting requirements is both unethical and dangerous to our children. Always report allegations of child abuse.
- Keep abusers away from the church – When I reported my dad he said he’d see me at church the next Sunday. I informed him that he would not. And if he tried we would physically remove him for trespassing. Churches can and should do this. The majority of churches I worked with over the years argue with me that churches, by law, cannot ban anyone from going to church. This is not only untrue, but it flies in the face of common sense. The Bible is full of commands to protect sheep from unwanted wolves. It’s literally as simple as telling them they are not welcome to come. Churches dramatically increase their liability by welcoming known child predators into the fold. Not to mention that real children are likely to be severely harmed. Banning abusers sends a clear message to survivors that their protection is in our best interest and we won’t welcome people who intentionally harm innocent people.
- Provide support for victims – One of the first things we did as a church was to provide funding for any of my father’s victims to receive counseling. Victims should not have to worry about how they will pay for counseling. Too many churches provide support for abusers instead of victims. We reversed that. My dad’s victims received support. He received a prison sentence. Victims did not ask to be abused. It was forced upon them when they were very young. The least we can do is to offer support, to the best of our ability, to victims of these senseless crimes.
- Communicate – Leaders and church members alike should talk very openly about what happened. The elephant is already in the room, so pretending that it isn’t does not help the cause of Christ in any imaginable way. Preachers should preach against abuse and about nurturing those who were oppressed. In our case, I named my dad by name. He was the one who viciously abused children and everyone knew it. Victims’ names, however, should not be named. Again, they did not ask to be abused and naming their names without consent revictimizes them all over again. Come up with a plan for how to protect those who’ve been abused and for keeping everyone else safe. There will be resistance. Even in our church were abuse did take place, I was criticized by some for talking about it. A few left the church because I talked openly about it. I’d rather see them go than be silent and pretend that nothing happened.
- Make a written protection policy – This should not be optional. Unfortunately we, like so many other churches, did not have a written policy. Abuse was not on our radar and we didn’t know the importance of having one. Sadly, that did not work out well for us. After reporting the abuse we immediately drafted a policy. Each year we renew it. Verbal agreements do not work. Policies must be spelled out and rules must apply to everyone equally. There are good resources for crafting a policy. It is a must for churches to be safe.
This year marks thirteen years since I reported my dad. Churches can recover after abuse but I’m still not sure what “recovering” fully means. The cloud of sadness will always be there. There are still days where I’d rather stay in bed than do ministry. The losses that we’ve endured seem to outweigh the gains. But doing the right thing is always the best choice. The alternative is literally shattering countless lives.
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