Pedophile abusers are not intimidated by church policies or accountability partners and will not refrain from abusing kids simply because a handful of people are “keeping an eye” on them. When they are in the church, they are primed for abuse and will strike again. Churches have made a fatal theological mistake by not calling wolves by the proper name and this, in my opinion, is a leading reason why churches continue to be one of the most dangerous places for our youth. Churches mistakenly accept wolves as if they were sheep and give them exactly what they seek to devour. The Bible rightly distinguishes wolves from sheep because wolves are inherently intent on feasting on their prey. A wolf does not get better–he or she gets smarter. Wolves do not convert into sheep. They are, by nature, predators and predators blend in to the flock of prey exceptionally well.
Peter says, “They count it pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you” (2 Peter 2:13 ESV). Peter never has a nice, forgiving, or accommodating word for them. Never does he talk about reconciliation; never does he refer to these false preachers as “brothers.” Quite the opposite. Peter says, “What the true proverb says has happened to them: ‘The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire'” (2 Peter 2:22).
What about Paul? Is he any softer in his approach? Not even close! Paul says that they are “reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people” (2 Timothy 3:4, 5). In the very next sentence Paul says that they “creep into households” and capture weak (vulnerable) women who are “burdened with sins and led astray by various passions.” Importantly, Paul doesn’t prescribe religious community to bring these impostors to repentance or to hold them accountable. Instead he warns Timothy and recommends Christians in the Ephesian church avoid them! Why? Because, according to Paul, “evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived” (2 Timothy 3:13).
Surely Jesus, who died for mankind and told people to love their enemies and turn the other cheek, has more compassion on abusers who masquerade as righteous people? Jesus himself sternly warned, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruit. . . A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15, 18-20).
I find it extremely relevant that Jesus never asks us to pray for, encourage, heal, or embrace the false prophet who masquerades as a child of light. In fact, no author of the Bible does. Rather, we find a trove of passages throughout the Bible–passages that have been conveniently ignored or glossed over–which tell us to warn others about oppressive, abusive, and deceptive people. Why should we warn and not encourage? Because impostors have evil intentions, they love to revel in the daytime, they are fueled by deception, and they will always go from bad to worse.
After my own dad was exposed as an abuser, I had to deconstruct all the twisted theology I’d been taught my whole life. It takes an incredible amount of humility and honesty to admit that much of what we thought we knew about God could be flawed. But I wanted to know what God had to say about evil in light of his justice and, particularly, what he says about deception. The vast majority of churches I’ve come into contact with re-frame deception as “stumbling,” “getting caught up in sin,” etc. and argue that the Bible implores us to embrace all sinners and reintegrate them into the fold. The sheer irony is that seldom is this same principle applied to victims of child sexual abuse (or abuse of any kind). Clearly we need more accurate training in our seminaries.
I have studied pedophiles and their deception techniques a lot. Actually, that’s an understatement. I’ve lived and breathed it for the past seven years. The more I observe, the more I realize that the Bible speaks with precision when it comes to deception and that impostors, unlike other sinners, are always calculated, intentional, and purposely intend to intimidate and inflict harm on innocent victims. Impostors really do revel in the daytime. They thrive on the adrenaline rush they get from oppressing the innocent and vulnerable. They love using religious speak and sound very convincing. And they always go on from bad to worse. I’ve waded through thousands of pages of documents and have spoken with hundreds of people trying to grasp the gravity of it all. I’ve asked pointed questions of pedophile offenders and the people who work beside them in prisons.
And one thing that keeps capturing my attention is this: Abusers get a rush from getting caught abusing victims in plain sight. Some of you may know that my expertise is in deception and abuse in plain sight. I’ve written many posts about this and now collaborate with neuroscientists Dr. Stephen Macknik and Dr. Susana Martinez-Conde. Their data on visual illusions and what they’ve coined “sleights of mind” is earth-shattering, in my opinion. Their research on deception has opened up a whole new world for me and helped me unlock a host of ideas and concepts that were long floating around in my head. It’s well known that many abusers (possibly the majority of abusers) intentionally abuse their victims in plain sight of others. What’s not as well known is that they consciously use sophisticated techniques that they practice in order to hack belief systems and hold the adults’ spotlight of attention. Just like close up magic, these techniques are used to keep adults blind to the abuse that’s happening right in front of them.
But there is an additional thrill that comes when they are caught. Several years ago, when discussing specific techniques used to abuse victims in plain sight of adults, my dad had this to say about getting caught:
“If it all comes out, how would you prove any of this? So nothing happens except the pedophile is now emboldened to explore more brazen abuses and win the acceptance/trust and secrecy of the child.”
I think the world was shocked in January when many victims and their parents described how Dr. Larry Nassar would digitally penetrate and massage the bare breasts of his victims as he was casually talking with the parents who were in the same room. The Bible says this type of impostor who revels in the daylight will go on from bad to worse. He had everyone fooled in spite of the many times he was reported. Nassar is an important case study because he is exactly the type of abuser that churches long to embrace. He masterfully fakes remorse and his abuse techniques are common to most abusers. His demeanor is kind, grandfatherly, and respectful. He convincingly appeared to be broken over the uncovering of his sins at Judge Aquilina’s sentencing. But I wasn’t buying his facade for a second. I know that abusers like Larry Nassar thrive on abuse in plain sight. I also believed that Nassar was like the typical abuser my dad described in countless letters to me from prison. So I did some research.
I discovered that Nassar was in fact caught many times. And each time he was caught, with the exception of the final interrogation in 2016, Larry Nassar responded exactly how my dad described abusers in his letter–it only emboldened him to explore more brazen abuses and win the acceptance/secrecy of the child. The following is a case-in-point with a victim named in a suit as Jane C. Doe. Nassar had a medical assistant in the room who asked him where his hand was as he was digitally penetrating his victim. It did not deter Nassar in the least. In fact, he dismissed the assistant from the room and continued to penetrate his victim:
Over the years, several little girls reported that Nassar had touched them in a way that was not right. It made them very uncomfortable, caused physical pain, and even urinary tract infections. One victim, named Larissa Boyce, told coach Kathie Klages about the abuse. Klages, who was later indicted herself, brushed it off and told Larissa that she was mistaken, that Larry was a “good friend.” If you believe, like I once believed, that a little girl reporting to another coach would make an abuser like Nassar nervous, you would be wrong. The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire. Evil people and impostors go on from bad to worse. Here is what happened the next time Larissa was sent back to Larry Nassar for “treatment” after reporting to Klages:
The next time she went to visit Larry, he closed the door, pulled up a stool, sat down, and looked at her. “So,” he said, “I talked to Kathie.”
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The abuse continued. Many argue that I’m unfair to abusers “who have a past” and that once they spent time in prison we have no business “airing their dirty laundry” to the church. But I’ve waded through hundreds of pages of documents just on Larry Nassar alone. He did this over and over again, victim after helpless victim. When he suspected or knew that a victim told on him, the abuse always intensified and progressed to more blatant techniques in front of their parents. This is not unique to Larry Nassar. It’s what abusers do. There’s a thrill of the hunt, but there’s a bigger thrill of getting caught and talking their way out of it.
This is why I will never recommend a church create limited contact agreements (aka “accountability covenants”) for convicted pedophiles who were released from prison. Never assume that prison somehow transformed them, or broke them down, or that they are not skilled enough to find a way to abuse a child right in front of your eyes.
When I watched the Nassar sentencing live, I cheered Judge Aquilina on when she read part of Nassar’s letter. Nassar had just read his statement to his victims and he said that hearing his victims “has shaken me to my core.” Again, I wasn’t buying it, and neither was Judge Aquilina. I’ve seen this dog-and-pony act that abusers give to churches when they are released from prison. They are incredibly convincing with their words, body posture, and crocodile tears. Yet the Bible demands that we beware. God’s word tells us that deceivers and impostors are waterless mists, born for destruction, and they revel in the daytime while they feast with you.
After Nassar’s apology to his victims, Judge Aquilina read part of Nassar’s letter that he wrote a couple months prior. She said, “The reason I’m going to do that (read parts of the letter) is because I’ve considered it in sentencing as an extension of your apology, and whether I believe it or not.” Nassar berated the Attorney General, the Federal Judge, Judge Aquilina, and even the victims when he claimed “what I did in the state cases was all medical, not sexual. . . The media convinced them (victims) that everything I did was wrong and bad. They feel I broke their trust. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn.”
In a recent interview with TODAY, Hoda Kotb asked Judge Aquilina, “Do you think it registered to him that he did something wrong?” Judge Aquilina immediately answered, “No. That’s why there’s the meme of me tossing the letter. I tossed it because there’s a bunch of junk in there and the primary problem I have with the letter is that he still thinks he’s a doctor and he still thinks he was performing medical (treatment).”
I beg church leaders to study this. Read the court dockets. Listen to Nassar’s victims as they recount the trauma and pain. Listen to Nassar’s lame apology, and listen to the letter he wrote a couple months prior. Then ask yourself if you think he’s remorseful now that he’s in prison, if he’s haunted by what he has done to hundreds, if not thousands of victims. Remember that Nassar learned that one of his victims committed suicide and he heard another victim, Kyle Stephens, describe how she lost her father to suicide because of the abuse.
Nassar was not remorseful on the day of sentencing and he is not remorseful now. In fact, he already appealed his sentence three times since January! This is what wolves do. Nassar appealed. Sandusky appealed. Jared Fogle appealed. Bill Cosby appealed. My own father appealed just two weeks ago. Pick any abuser. They are entitled. They believe the system is rigged and they will do whatever it takes to get out of prison so they can go back into our churches where they will be embraced and protected. I will say it till I’m blue in the face–keeping an eye on abusers is not effective. If abusers can full on molest victims in front of trained medical staff, be questioned on it, and return to abusing the same victim seconds later, believe when I say that an accountability covenant won’t deter them. Extra windows on doors won’t deter them. We need to realize that abusers are wolves, and our theology of warning and protecting others needs to match it.
I strongly believe that we need to focus our attention on learning and understanding specific techniques abusers use to abuse their victims in plain sight. These wolves are banking on our ignorance. They expect to be able to talk themselves out of it because most of us would never believe that someone could molest a child within inches of us without our seeing it. It sounds absurd. And the abusers know it.
It’s important to note that what finally made Nassar crumble was when Rachael Denhollander, one of Nassar’s victims, took the time to study Nassar’s abusive techniques juxtaposed with proper pelvic floor treatment. Though she didn’t necessarily study the techniques Nassar used to keep her mother blind to the abuse, she was thorough in her research of pelvic floor techniques. She did her homework and armed the police with enough information that they could begin, for the first time ever, to poke holes in Nassar’s explanation of his fake methodology. Rachael said:
“And I brought with me to those reports, my medical records showing that Larry had never charted penetrative techniques. I brought medical records from a nurse practitioner documenting my graphic disclosure of abuse way back in 2004.
“I had my journals showing the mental anguish I had been in since the assault, a catalog of national and international medical journal articles showing what real pelvic floor treatment looks like. I brought a letter from a neighboring district attorney vouching for my character and truthfulness and urging detectives to take my case seriously.”
If we are going to ever stand a chance of detecting deception, we must begin with studying it. Another important step is to have a proper theology where we name wolves and warn congregations that they are near. The Bible instructs us to warn others and to avoid wolves, not because it is archaic and judgmental. Rather, the Bible expects us to tap into wisdom and to use discernment so that we can recognize when impostors have crept in among us. Children will never stand a chance if we fail to identify wolves and keep them at bay.