Category: #ChurchToo

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Abusers look for opportunities more than vulnerabilities

Deception

“I turned my back for literally ONE second!!”, she lamented. My wife is Assistant Director and Preschool teacher at a daycare center. She has a few students who are a handful, to say the least. The child she was telling me about decked another kid the second my wife turned her head. This is routine behavior for this particular child. I talk a lot about “testing” vs “grooming” behaviors. Children know how to test us adults from a young age. It’s a normal part of learning, growing, and maturing. They test boundaries to know what they can and cannot get away with. Parents or caregivers who are more passive may witness children who easily test boundaries and get away with much more than children whose parents intervene quickly.

We often hear that abusers find vulnerabilities and exploit them–that they search for the vulnerable single parent to target them or their kids, or they find vulnerable institutions with weak policies, or they find vulnerable kids who have an unstable home life or low self-esteem. With this premise, training tends to focus on reducing vulnerabilities and increasing awareness. Educate people more, create more programs to help at-risk children, have seminars on better parenting, put two adults in every classroom, put windows in doors, talk to teens about self-esteem, and on the list goes. While I’m in favor for doing all of the above, I also know enough now to know that this will do very little to deter abusers. This is a defensive stance, and abusers are always on the offensive. When they see someone playing defense, they will forge a way to covertly go around that line and accomplish the goal they set out to do anyway. Like the child who saw an opportunity when my wife turned her back, abusers know how to see opportunities the second they arise. And if opportunities don’t present themselves, abusers will create opportunities.

In studying abusers, I’ve found that they wear a very different lens than we do. We think they look for vulnerabilities, and to some extent they do. But this is not their modus operandi. Looking for and creating opportunities, however, is. In fact, abusers exploit our perception of vulnerabilities to create more opportunity to abuse. For example, one of the most common and ineffective policies is where churches keep known child molesters from entering a children’s wing of the church but still allow them to be elsewhere in close proximity to children (albeit supervised–though there are serious issues with this as well). This policy, otherwise known as a “limited contact agreement,” assumes that “keeping an eye on” an abuser is enough to hold them accountable and keep them from abusing more victims. It also assumes that children in the children’s wing are more vulnerable because there is a higher concentration of them all in one area.

But an abuser will use your perception of vulnerability in order to create opportunity. Remember, he or she is always on the offensive. For example, while everyone feels safe and secure because known child molesters are not allowed in the children’s wing or in bathrooms alone, they will observe which of the children outside the children’s wing are running around unmonitored. Abusers are always watching and taking inventory. Which children are allowed to roam? Which ones have unassuming parents? How do they interact with adults? With each other? It’s important to note that abusers live, breathe, and think deception constantly. This is why Paul warns Timothy: “. . . evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived” (2 Timothy 3:13). Paul rightly extends no invitation into the church for abusers. He does not tell Timothy to have an open door policy for all in the Ephesian church. Instead, Paul warns Timothy that they are “having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people” (2 Timothy 3:5).

Paul also uses the proper terminology to describe these deceivers–impostors. I believe that part of why so many are afraid to use that language in the church is because they falsely believe that abusers sheepishly look for vulnerabilities and those vulnerabilities are what “tempt” the abuser. Once they find vulnerabilities, they “fall into sin” because they were tempted. If we remove vulnerabilities, according to this reasoning, it’s as if we are helping abusers avoid temptation. But I strongly insist that this is not the correct way to view deception. Again, abusers are not looking for vulnerabilities as much as they are creating opportunities. This is why Paul warns that they will go on from bad to worse. It’s why he is so quick to label them impostors. It’s why he warns Timothy to avoid them.

This is also why I liken abuse to other petty crimes like pick pocketing. Pick pockets are not simply polished criminals with slick hands. They also know how to read people really, really well. They do it intuitively. They are people watchers. Yes, abusers do look for vulnerabilities, but they primarily are creating opportunities. It takes tremendous practice, skill, ability to read people, ability to deceive people, and–most importantly–the heart to actually follow through and pull it off. Abusers know what to say, how to say it, when to say it, and how you will respond to what they are saying. If we think that reducing vulnerabilities will reduce the chances of an offender creating more victims, we are wrong. They will simply migrate to another person, geographic area, or church. Put another way, they will create new opportunities to keep deceiving in order to produce more victims. “They will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.”

When I go to churches and other organizations to train, my goal is not just to reduce vulnerabilities. While that’s important, my main goal is to train people to detect deception and intervene. Many people ask me for a checklist of things to look for in an abuser, and it really is not this simplistic. Abusers are dynamic; always changing, observing, and looking for opportunity. As soon as we create a checklist of “red flags,” they’ve already adapted and have found 100 more opportunities to abuse in 100 different ways. The good news is that if we rethink the way abusers operate, we can begin to see their “tells.”

For example, I observe people who are observing others. Who are the adults whose eyes are always roaming? Do the conversations usually turn to boasting about love for children? Are there people who, even if for a second, can’t keep their eyes from looking at children? My father once told me, from prison, that he can spot another pedophile within 30 seconds of walking into a crowded room. Asked how he can do this with such ease, he answered, “Easy! I just watch their eyes.” Are these same adults with roaming eyes able to keep their hands to themselves or are they patting kids on the head as they walk by? Do they talk out of both sides of their mouth? When they speak are they drawing people in or are they just holding normal conversations? Do they exaggerate? Do they use compliments or tell jokes in order to gain interest or divert attention? Do they flirt with women? Say inappropriate things or tell jokes that are just a little off color?

There are so many more tells, but the point for this post is that a skilled abuser won’t be deterred by churches or organizations that reduce vulnerabilities. They’re far too skilled and determined to be deterred. The best chance we have at limiting the risk of abuse is to be more proactive at observing people constantly and with consistency. We need to be far more honest when someone is making other people uncomfortable. And we need to be willing to determine who the impostors are and to name them as such.

Cancer cells in the body are impostors. They are much like normal cells in the body, but the difference is that cancer cells continue to divide, masquerading as normal cells while wreaking havoc on the cells that actually are normal. I’m not a doctor and don’t pretend to be one but oncologists, to my knowledge, never attempt to rehabilitate cancer cells and turn them back into normal ones. Rather, oncologists know the imminent danger these impostor cells pose and the goal is to identify and remove them as quickly and completely as possible. Can you imagine an oncologist using the same philosophy as most churches today? “Let’s not judge. Forgive and move on. All cells are welcome in this body. Reconcile in Jesus’ name. Let’s all be together. Please don’t call them cancer cells; they’ve repented. We’ll allow these cells here in the main part of the body, we just won’t let them in the children’s corner. We’ll keep an eye on them.” Such a response would be embarrassingly ridiculous. Yet this has become the norm for how churches respond to abuse.

Some may take issue with this analogy and think that if we take this approach with abusers there would be nothing to stop us from taking the same approach with all sinners. After all, we all sin and fall short of the glory, right? But we are not talking about sinners like you and me. We are talking about people who intentionally and serially deceive and masquerade as one of us when they are not. The Bible uses all kinds of terms to describe this class of sinner: wolves, false prophets, dogs, thorn bushes, thistles, animals, impostors, born for destruction, blots, blemishes, to name a few. The Bible not only identifies them as such, but it never recommends rehabilitation, reconciliation, or any kind of association once they’ve been identified. This is not a coincidence. It is essential for the life of the church to name the ones who are hell bent on destroying it by ruining innocent lives. A body cannot thrive when cancer is slowly eating its host away.

And, like cancer cells, abusive impostors will find opportunity where they can best cloak themselves and do the most amount of damage. They don’t do this because they are “tempted by vulnerabilities.” They do it because it is what they do and who they are.

Until we shift our thinking and begin studying and understanding deception, the church will continue to be light years behind the secular world while its impostors continue to destroy the innocence of every good, young, and healthy cell within the Body.

Photo by W A T A R I on Unsplash

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A Safe Place: Guest Post by Pastor Gricel Medina & Ryan Ashton

safe church

EDITOR’S NOTE
The poor, sick, and oppressed flocked to Jesus by the thousands because He was safe. Sometimes He called people to follow Him. Other times people begged to follow Him and He sent them away to live in peace instead. Jesus didn’t elevate the invitation to church above justice and nurturing the wounded. This guest post is by two people whom I love dearly and who really understand what it is to provide a safe community for survivors of abuse. This is incredibly helpful.
—Jimmy Hinton

“Church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse because the way it is counseled is, more often than not, damaging to the victim…. It is with deep regret that I say the Church is one of the worst places to go for help.”
—Rachael Denhollander ¹


Never have the words “church is one of the least safe places” been so true as these past few years. From megachurches to non-denominational churches, Independent Fundamental Baptists to Southern Baptists, progressive to conservative, religious communities are full of tragedies we can no longer ignore. Listening to so many survivors tell their stories of the horrible ways they were treated by the Church leaves no doubt that churches have become some of the most unsafe places on the planet to be a survivor of abuse. Faith communities too often hide a toxic culture where abusers thrive and victims are shunned and silenced. The dismissiveness of those in authority, the isolation of the vulnerable, the imbalance of power, and the expectation to stay silent and “forgive” are realities we all must acknowledge. Our theology and Christ’s gospel have so often been hijacked by those who use it as a license for impunity rather than accountability, and church culture has become complicit by rewarding the silence of institutional protectionism. No one is safe under the current conditions of the Church today.


While walking with survivors we are often asked “what is a safe church? How will I know I’m ready to go back?”

According to the most recent statistics, one in three women and one in six men experience sexual abuse at some point in their lives.² In a congregation of 100 people, that is easily 25% of those who attend, and these numbers are most likely low estimates. If we include domestic violence, emotional or spiritual abuse, these numbers climb to as much as 40% according to some experts.³ This is important to understand because we all know a survivor of abuse, even if we do not yet realize it. Survivors are watching how we’ve been responding to #MeToo and other stories of abuse in our society, especially the tragedies currently involving the Church. 

However, some survivors taking a break from attending church becomes a problem for many Christians. For many survivors, taking a break from church meetings is the only alternative they have if they cannot find people they can trust. Abuse survivors can still believe in Jesus while being unable to engage a religious community where they would be reliving their deep and lasting traumas of spiritual, sexual, or emotional abuse inflicted by Christians in the Church.

While walking with survivors we are often asked “what is a safe church? How will I know I’m ready to go back?” Making the Church a safe place begins with us. We hope to provide some insight of what we have both learned about safe churches. 

Making Your Church a Safe Church

One of the worst things to say to a survivor is “there is no such thing as a perfect church.” This confusing of definitions belittle survivors. “Safe” is very different than “perfect.” People will always disappoint and hurt us in a fallen world, but enduring abuse is never an option we must settle for. Abuse or predatory behavior is never acceptable under any circumstance.

To boil it down to a simple definition, abuse is anything someone does to isolate, deflect, manipulate, or intimidate you. Abuse can be sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual, and many resources exist that explain what abuse looks like under a variety of contexts.

A safe church is one that does not tolerate any mistreatment of any member, whether it’s from a casual attendee to the highly-respected and gifted celebrity pastor. No one is above accountability in a safe church (cf. Matthew 18; 1 Timothy 5:19). Safe churches take every allegation seriously, report crimes immediately, do not silence or shame victims, and support victims with tangible resources. Most pastors are not equipped to counsel trauma victims and safe churches refer victims to professional therapy for their trauma. Safe churches recognize sadness and lament are appropriate responses to hurt and that anger is a correct response to injustice (cf. Psalm 82). Safe churches give space for victims to fully grieve their loss and betrayal and grieve with victims as a community (cf. Romans 12:15). Safe churches do not force people to conform to a false positivity (cf. 1 Corinthians 12:26). Safe places do not just hear what a victim is saying, but truly listen with empathetic hearts that are willing to learn. Walking with survivors is a long-term process and overcoming trauma is a lifelong journey. 

It is especially difficult for those with authoritative or dogmatic backgrounds to be willing to listen. We are tempted to give out advice on trauma which often comes from a place of discomfort seeking to quickly fix a person or situation. Yet trauma is not a superficial wound and cannot be quickly healed. As Christian therapist, Dr. Diane Langberg, says, victims need “talking, tears, and time.”⁴ Coercing forgiveness actually impedes the healing God is doing and is incredibly detrimental to survivors.

Abusers are master manipulators, using deception and deflection to appear as victims themselves.⁵  However, abusers cannot get the help they need unless people are willing to hold them accountable. This is extremely important when an abuser is someone in power, where it is hard to take a hurting victim seriously when the alleged perpetrator shines in the spotlight. Yet enough cases exist where horrendous abuse is overlooked because the abuser is likable, nice, or has a veneer of spirituality. When this pattern repeats itself over and over and a wake of victims demonstrate a long-term and willful ignorance, people always say “I wish I would have listened!” Yet when a leader who flees or resigns in disgrace, often only to reappear again in a different place, there are plenty of people who warn the pattern will continue, only to be dismissed. The truth is that church culture does not listen. We must be wiser than predators, and that begins with believing victims and ensuring every situation is properly handled with the right authorities.


Too often, victims suffer more from their faith community’s ignorance, lack of empathy, and the rush to quickly fix things, leaving deep and lasting wounds to someone already hurting.

A safe church is one that values the voices of survivors, knowing that when God heals a victim, they become a powerful agent for justice who always look out for others. Abuse is the last thing a community of Christ should enable, but often our communal desire for acceptance impairs our wisdom and discernment to see what is otherwise apparent. It is for this reason that God is faithful to send people to warn us—often survivors themselves—who can advise our communities on what to look for. They’ve lived through it, and know better than most what manipulation and abuse looks like. Similar to the prophets and prophetesses of old, God always provides His body with an immune system whose  priceless wisdom sees through a manipulator’s charm.

Addressing Church Culture

Christian institutions can become a culture of deceit because genuine spirituality is hard to measure. Image-conscious communities tend to reward the flashy, put-together people instead of standing with those who are broken. In contrast, a safe church is one where survivors are not isolated from everyone else and kept at an arm’s length, but are valued and included. We all come to Christ with baggage, and we even acquire hurts after believing in Him. Safe places understand and value the imperfections of human beings and are careful to discern the difference between someone’s involuntary trauma responses and “sin.” Safe churches do not confuse Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, hurt, or grief with sin, but have compassion. There are no accusations of “bitterness” or “unforgiveness” in a loving community. Too often, victims suffer more from their faith community’s ignorance, lack of empathy, and the rush to quickly fix things, leaving deep and lasting wounds to someone already hurting. 

When institutional change is required, safe churches embrace transparency and accountability and listen to the voices of victims. Repentance—both individual and corporate—takes time. Survivors are looking for places where the willingness to change culture supersedes the desire to maintain a damaging status quo. Predators have taken advantage of the havens Christians unwittingly made for them. The more we learn about abuse and trauma, the more every part of our society needs to adapt—from politics, workplaces, homes, and churches.

Churches need to rethink how to approach authority since no one is infallible, including leaders. In some circles, the pastor has arrogantly replaced the Holy Spirit, and our expected obeisance often approaches idolatry. Every one of us is responsible for making our faith communities safe places for the vulnerable, and that requires understanding how social influence, peer pressure, and coercive control works in churches. We all experience the effects of socialization without realizing it, much as a fish experiences wetness. We should never ignore the red flags that raise internal alarms. If something seems wrong, it is worth paying attention to. We have all been given the ability to discern between good and evil and are responsible to do so. (Cf. 1 John 4:1; 1Thessalonians 5:20-21)

Prevention & Education

Beyond caring for survivors in our midst, do our churches equip themselves with the best practices on prevention? Are we aware of national organizations like GRACE or local resources that can empower our faith communities implement policies that protect the vulnerable? 

Some questions we need to ask include inquiring of our church leaders whether there is an abuse prevention policy at all. If there isn’t one, that’s a problem; if your church leadership is evasive about providing you with it, that’s another problem. Do we have competent and properly vetted volunteers? Do we perform background checks on a yearly basis? Since many abusers are not caught, do we look for behaviors rather than rely solely on background checks? Are there at least two to three volunteers with children at all times? Are bathroom visits for children supervised with more than one volunteer? Are there windows in the nursery and classrooms? Do we have board members or elders who are able to disagree with the pastor and hold them accountable? Do we adequately support spouses if they come forward with a domestic violence complaint? How do we respond if we fail? 

Conclusion

Rather than expect survivors to attend your church, do whatever you can to make your church a safe place. Survivors will come when they are ready. Realize that because God is everywhere, He has not abandoned survivors. Psalm 139 among many other passages should be the confidence we rely on for God’s continuing presence in the believer who cannot attend church services. God is not angry or annoyed with victims, and neither should we be as the Church. God is near the broken-hearted (cf. Psalm 34). Building a safe church requires us to be safe people, those who reflect the unconditional love of God. 

These words of wisdom from F. Remy Diederich’s Broken Trust are particularly helpful for those wondering how to approach the Christian who is no longer attending church services: 

“Resist the temptation or sense of obligation to return to your former group, or any organized religion, right away. When you come out of a performance-based setting, you will naturally feel the need to be a ‘good Christian’ and return. 

“Part of the sickness of spiritual abuse is that it demands an unhealthy dependence on a person, or organization, rather than on God. Taking a break from organized religion is a good way to prove to yourself that you can survive with God alone. Well-meaning believers will tell you that you must be in a fellowship of faith. It’s dangerous to isolate yourself from the Body of Christ. All kinds of problems will result if you aren’t a part of a community of believers. Nonsense. That’s like telling someone who just came out of an abusive marriage to get married right away. In both scenarios, a person needs time to reflect on what just happened. Their soul needs to be repaired before re-engaging.

“Spiritual safety doesn’t come from organized religion. It comes from the Spirit of God living inside of you. Being a member of a faith community can certainly help you, and it’s my hope that you will one day return to be an active member of a healthy community, but you can survive a season without one. Just like a wounded athlete has to leave the game to tend to their injury, so there are times when a wounded believer needs to leave their faith community. In both cases, the goal is to return. What your well-meaning friends don’t understand are the raw feelings people often have after a spiritually abusive experience. Going to worship too soon can actually be traumatic. You might be surprised how sensitive you are to experiences that remind you of the past abuse. Give yourself permission to take a sabbatical from organized religion so your broken trust can be repaired.”

Be that safe person—that love of God incarnate. As Dr. Diane Langberg writes in The Spiritual Impact of Sexual Abuse: 

“In other words, we are to demonstrate in the flesh the character of God over time so that who we are reveals the truth about God to the survivor. This is not in any way to deny or underestimate the Word of God. However, often the Word needs to be fleshed out and not just spoken for us to truly grasp what it means. 

“This work is both difficult and a great privilege. The task of serving as a representative of God so that His character can be grasped and believed is far beyond any capability of yours or mine. It is a work that will bring us to our knees if we let it, with hearts hungry for more of God so that we might bring His presence in very concrete ways into places where He has not yet been known.”

In those places of darkness, despair, and excruciating pain, Jesus is there. He never leaves us or forsakes us. We have found that it is in the darkness that some of the most sacred church services are found wherever love is graciously displayed. You do not need a church building to be that safe place. 

Gricel Medina is a pastor, speaker, writer, and advocate who has planted three churches and leads a prayer movement for the MidSouth Conference. Pastor Medina has written for several widely distributed Spanish and English magazines, devotionals, and blogs, including Covenant Companion. She is a regular writer for the award-winning magazine, Mutuality, and the CBE blog Arise. Pastor Medina has been a speaker for CBE International Conference and The Courage Conference.
Twitter: @pastorgricel

Ryan Ashton is a survivor, advocate, and graphic designer. A 2018 graduate from Bob Jones University (BFA, Graphic Design), Ryan is the Director of Technology and Social Media for GRACE and the Creative Director for The Courage Conference. Ryan currently volunteers with Greenville’s Julie Valentine Center as a sexual assault victim advocate.
Twitter: @ryanllashton

References

[1] Lee, Morgan. “My Larry Nassar Testimony Went Viral. But There’s More to the Gospel Than Forgiveness.” Christian History | Learn the History of Christianity & the Church, Christianity Today, www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/january-web-only/rachael-denhollander-larry-nassar-forgiveness-gospel.html. Accessed 15 Jan. 2019.
[2] “Sexual Assault in the United States.” Sexual Assault Statistics | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), www.nsvrc.org/statistics.
[3] “Interview with Rachael Denhollander about Pastors Protecting Children and Advocating for Victims.” Practical Shepherding, 15 Feb. 2018, practicalshepherding.com/2019/02/14/interview-with-rachael-denhollander-about-pastors-protecting-children-and-advocating-for-victims/.
[4] “A Visit from Dr. Diane Langberg.” Helping Up Mission, 11 May 2017, helpingupmission.org/2017/05/langberg/. Accessed 18 Feb. 2019.
[5] “What Is DARVO?” Commentary: Loftus, Bugs Bunny, Memory, & Media, Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, Stanford University, https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineDARVO.html?fbclid=IwAR2A9jTrqhzHHliPt0GxdZZDBPX5yl6-a_idcFthXIB05dYj8prcU8q3NUk#Short%20Definition. Accessed 18 Feb. 2019.

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Submitting to church leaders isn’t as biblical as you think

submit to leaders

“Be persuaded by those who go before you, and yield, for they watch over your souls, as ones about to give an account; that they may do it with joy, and not groaning, for this is not beneficial for you” (Hebrews 13:17, my translation).

“. . . not leaving helpless those of us assembling together, as is the custom with some, but consoling one another, and so much more as you see the day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25, my translation).

I remember sitting in disbelief as the elders stood up front to address the church I was attending with a “serious matter.” I was in seminary and had been at this rural Arkansas church for at least a year. They were my family. As the elders stood up, they were stoic and firm. “A few days ago, brother Mark (not his real name), as he was leading worship, decided to change the words to Jesus Loves ‘Us’ instead of Jesus Loves ‘Me.’ He did so without permission from us elders and a sister in Christ was offended. We’ve asked Mark to repent and he is going to share his public confession now.”

I watched in horror as one of the kindest people I’d ever met stood humiliated and weeping before 200 some people and a group of arrogant elders asking for forgiveness for not submitting to the eldership. In my mind I wanted to stand up and shout out, “Who do you fake elders think you are?” Someone needed permission by the elders to change one word in a song? Is this really the kind of shepherd Jesus said he was in John 10 when he said, “the Good Shepherd lays his life down for his sheep”? Were these fools standing before us the kind of shepherds Jesus called to keep watch over his flock? Something didn’t sit right with me and a few months later, when these same elders rejected my request to teach a class there as a required practicum to complete my Master’s degree, I parted ways forever. They told me that they didn’t have time to proof read and approve all of my lessons. This congregation had all the indicators of a cult, not a church. So I left. More power to them (pun intended).

I grieve for the countless survivors I’ve spoken with who attempted to talk to church leaders about abuse and were told to remain silent or else. If they continued to cry out in pain, they were disciplined for “not submitting to the leadership.” If these survivors or concerned members left the church, they were forever shunned for “forsaking the assembly.” The two passages above, Hebrews 13:17 and Hebrews 10:25 have been misinterpreted and weaponized to put power exactly where it doesn’t belong–with the leadership.

We have an epidemic of abusive leaders. There is no question about that. Everyone in advocacy knows this well. We feel it. We hear it. We see it. And survivors tell us that the way the leadership responds is far worse than any sexual or physical abuse they’ve endured. It’s not just survivors of abuse. So many of my friends in ministry are fired by elders for “not submitting” and are forced to tell the church that they “resigned.” Preachers are often coerced and blackmailed into signing nondisclosure agreements. These “resignations” make it appear as if it was the preacher’s decision to leave and not that the elders actually fired them. This always leaves the church confused, the minister’s family wounded, and increases the elders’ sense of power and control. If anyone has been following the Harvest Bible Chapel disaster, you’ll know that pastor John Secrest was just fired for voicing concerns about the way the leadership shut him out of making decisions. Immediately after John sent his letter to the congregation, he was fired and the elders released this statement:

Because of his continued unwillingness to yield to the direction of the elders and the insubordinate email he recently sent counter to the elder direction, it became clear that he should not continue in his role.

Our hearts are grieved as John’s contributions to the Naples Campus cannot be understated. We wish him, Jessica, and his family well.

Harvest Naples will continue as a campus of Harvest Bible Chapel in Chicago with Pastor Rick Donald serving as interim Campus Pastor and Associate Travis Doucette as Pastor of Worship and Leadership Development. Pastor James MacDonald will not be preaching this weekend. Services will continue this Sunday at 9:00 and 11:00 am.

We recognize that situations like these often yield more questions than can be answered in one email. The local elders of Harvest Naples, Scott Stonebreakerand Fred Ananias, are available to field any additional questions.

We ask for your prayers as our church grieves this loss.

We are believing for good things as we lean into God and His Word.

Standing together,
The Harvest Naples Leadership Team and Elders

This is what I witness all the time. Be subordinate to us or else. Church members, pastors and their families, and abuse survivors are dispensable. If they question the leadership, ask to meet with leaders, or express concern about how decisions are made, they are thrown out like dirty water.

So my question is, “What does the Bible really teach about authority and how do we respond?” Jesus, after overhearing the 12 apostles arguing about which of them was the greatest, said, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all” (Mark 9:35 ESV). This wasn’t hyperbole for Jesus. He lived it and he meant it. In the context of abuse, we often talk about the “power differential” between pastors (or other leaders) and lay members. To be honest, this bothers me a little bit (OK, a lot!). Have we given power to us church leaders that was never meant to be? I don’t want my church members to feel subordinate or inferior because of my position. Why should they? There shouldn’t be a power differential. People will find me in my office the same way they’ll find me in my home–wearing sandals, a T-shirt, and shorts or jeans. Besides the fact that I hate dressing up, I don’t want the feeling that my position means that I’m better than or superior to anyone else. I’m not. And nobody should ever feel like they can’t freely talk to me or about me, whether in Wal-Mart or in my office. I don’t have authority as a preacher. The authority isn’t mine. I’m a servant who preaches. Period.

With that said, of course people need leadership but leadership comes from stepping out in front of the people you serve. Leadership is about providing servant-direction for the people whose souls you care about. My elders, deacons, and congregation are my peers. We are not bosses of each other. We all simply have different roles, but we are equals. All of us. I can be removed from preaching if I have committed a serious sin or crime, but my elders do not hold sole authority to fire me on a whim. They simply do not have that authority or power. Neither do I. Nor should we.

Power. Leaders aren’t meant to have power or authority over people. Jesus said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me” (Matthew 28:18). Peter agrees: “To him be the power forever and ever. Amen” (1 Peter 5:11 NIV). Power. Authority. What does the Bible consistently say? This is important! Jesus said, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all” (Mark 10:42-44 ESV).

Our model of church leadership is poisoned. When people feel intimidated by leaders, when they are told to submit, when leaders hold all the decision making power, and when people feel that a golden scepter must be extended by a leader before they can speak freely–we no longer have a biblical model of leadership. Instead, we have an abusive model.

What about elders? Peter appeals to elders as a fellow elder. Peter said, “Shepherd the flock that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. . . Likewise, you who are younger, be subjected to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble'” (1 Peter 5:2-3, 5 ESV). As sure as I’m typing this, many leaders will ignore the context of this passage and focus on younger people being “subjected” to the elders. The word used here is hupotasso, which means to place yourself under. This verse is meant for younger people, not the elders. It’s akin to saying, “Young people, be respectful to the older people who watch over you.” This is not about subjection to people in authority. Quite the contrary, for the next sentence says, “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another.”

So what about the infamous passage to submit to your leaders (Hebrews 13:17)? I am not a Greek scholar, but after taking it for a couple years I learned that much gets lost in translation. The word “submit” is an unfortunate translation. My literal translation of this passage is this: “Be persuaded by those who go before you, and yield, for they watch over your souls, as ones about to give an account; that they may do it with joy, and not groaning, for this is not beneficial for you.“ This has an entirely different meaning than how you’ve likely heard it used. The ESV translates it this way: “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls.” The word for “obey” literally means to be persuaded by. It is the same exact word King Agrippa used in Acts 26:28 when he said to Paul, “In a short time would you persuade me to be a Christian?” Certainly the King didn’t mean, “In a short time would you ask me to obey you and become a Christian?” The word peitho means to be persuaded by or to follow.

The word “leaders” has often been (mis)used to mean the elders, higher-ups, or those “in charge.” Again, that is not what this word means. It simply means those who go before you. And the word “submit” is probably the worst translation of all. It literally means “to yield to.” I used to drive truck. Semi-trucks are dubbed “king of the highway” for good reason. At 80,000 lbs, a car that weighs 3,000 lbs is no match for semis. When I yielded onto the interstate, I did not use my weight, power, or position as truck driver to force my way onto the highway. Nor did cars bully their way onto highways. Everyone, big and small, is expected to yield to oncoming traffic. I did not bully my way onto freeways because I was bigger than everyone else. I did not tell cars to “submit to my authority” or else. Rather, I yielded (watched out for) to traffic then drove along with them! It was for others’ safety that I yielded to them. This is the sense of the word. It is a willful, careful, caring merging of lives for the sake of souls. Listen to the rest of the verse again: “for they watch over your souls, as ones about to give an account; that they may do it with joy, and not groaning, for this is not beneficial for you.” 

Finally, people who leave the church because they’ve been wounded are not the ones forsaking the assembly. And forsaking the assembly does NOT mean not showing up to church. The “forsaking” is an abandonment of people in need. When Jesus was on the cross, he used this same word. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken (abandoned) me?” Jesus was in need. In distress. Another sense of the word means to leave people in their distress. Forsaking the assembly is not about not going to church on Sunday mornings. It’s about abandoning, deserting, or leaving behind those in need. My opinion is that, ironically, Hebrews 10:25 is addressing leaders who were abandoning those of the assembly who were living in desperation. Again, here is my translation: “. . . not leaving helpless those of us assembling together, as is the custom with some, but consoling one another, and so much more as you see the day drawing near”

This is a call to not abandon those in need who assemble together. It is a clarion call to console one another. To provide care and comfort to those who are oppressed, poor, and in need. Context is important, and the consistent message throughout the Bible is that God’s foundation is righteousness and justice (Psalm 89:14), that Jesus came to preach good news to the poor, proclaim liberty to the captives, recovering sight to the blind, and set at liberty those who are oppressed (Luke 4:18-19), and that leaders (those who go before) are the ones to especially serve and keep watch over the souls of those aforementioned.

So the next time a leader tells you to submit to their authority, or shames you for “forsaking the assembly,” just remind them that all the authority has been given to Jesus and that they are indeed the ones deserting the assembly by not caring for the wounded.

Photo by Tony Rojas on Unsplash

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Our “Jesus accepts all” theology empowers abusers, big time

hippie Jesus

John 3:16. According to the popular Bible app YouVersion, that timeless verse ranked #2 for the most searched verse in 2018. And according to Christian Post, of the top ten trending Bible searches on Google in early 2018, John 3:16 ranked #3, Forgiveness at #8, and Love #10. It only takes a quick glance at my inbox to realize that survivors of abuse know all too well that church leaders have fully embraced a theology of love and forgiveness–at any cost. And these leaders demand forgiveness for abusers, including themselves. This poor theology has eroded God’s foundation of justice and righteousness (Psalm 89:14) and replaced it with a laid back Jesus who is carefree and embraces all equally (unless you are a victim of oppression, of course).

I’ve not taken the time to count the number of e-mails and private messages I received over the past few years from survivors who were rebuked by church leaders, but my best guess is that I have gotten at least a couple hundred. So what are they rebuked or thrown out of the church for? The answer is that they’re not forgiving or loving enough of their abusers–that Jesus was a free spirited, kind model of turning the other cheek no matter what. The irony is not lost on me that the church leaders who rally around real abusive criminals–men and women who habitually strike, humiliate, rape, or verbally assault their victims–are the same leaders who bar the victims of these crimes from coming to church for speaking up about their abuse.

I’ve written before that the number one question I get asked by church leaders who know of an abusive person in their congregation is, “How do we surround this ‘brother’ and encourage him to continue to be a part of the church body?”. Bad theology leads to bad practices. I’ve been saying this for years.

Last January, Rachael Denhollander was interviewed for Christianity Today by Morgan Lee for a piece titled, “My Larry Nassar Testimony Went Viral. But There’s More to the Gospel Than Forgiveness.” The article was a response to the religious community’s gushing over Rachael’s one liner about forgiveness. They chose to focus on the forgiveness aspect even though, in her 37 minute testimony, she mostly spoke about God’s justice and the need to repent. In the interview, Rachael rightly said that “the church is one of the worst places to go for help.” Rachael also rightly pinpoints the problem of bad theology leading to bad practices:

One of the dynamics that you see in a Christian church that is particularly devastating is poor theology. The reason that most institutional cover-ups happen in the church is not simple institutional protectionism. When you’re dealing with something like MSU or USA Gymnastics, they’ve got medals and money and their institutional reputation on the line.


You have that dynamic with evangelical churches where you have the reputation on the line and the perceived reputation of the gospel of Christ. But often, if not always, people are motivated by poor theology and a poor understanding of grace and repentance and that causes them to handle sexual assault in a way where that a lot of predators go unchecked, often for decades. When you see a theological commitment to handling sexual assault inappropriately, you have the least hope of ever changing it.

So was Jesus really all warm and fuzzy towards all people or did justice demand a more protective approach for the abused? John the Baptist, who prepared the way for Jesus Christ, could have introduced him a billion different ways. John could have spoken about love, peace, acceptance. . . anything! Instead, listen to John’s introduction of the Messiah. When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to his baptism, he said, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bear fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:7-8 ESV). He continues: “Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. . . he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire” (vs. 10-12).

Now that’s an introduction to Jesus! When is the last time any of you heard Jesus introduced this way to anyone ever? John’s message was inseparably rooted in God’s foundation of righteousness and justice. John’s message was good news to the oppressed and offensive news to the religious leaders who were oppressing their victims. Yet today we have invented a false Jesus who welcomes the abusers and shuns the abused.

Lest you feel that I’ve left the reservation, let’s listen to Jesus himself. He constantly and consistently warned people of the religious frauds. “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. . . A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15, 17-20 ESV). Notice that false prophets are just that-people who are prophesying but who are frauds. Jesus doesn’t tell his followers to give them a second chance, to give them food or water, to clothe them, or to turn the other cheek. For the class of fraudulent, abusive leaders Jesus says to beware. Warn others. Nowhere is there a hint of extending grace and forgiveness (and certainly not fellowship or a platform to keep preaching!) to these abusive wolves. Why? Because they are ravenous. They are bad trees who produce bad fruit. They don’t change because they don’t want to change.

To be clear, Jesus isn’t talking about sinful people who have fallen into a trap. He’s talking about false prophets who willfully, intentionally, and habitually deceive others in order to abuse them for their own selfish gain. These are religious leaders who know better. They are people who have been tasked with guarding the flock but instead are preying on them.

Again, the irony is that the soft Jesus we’ve created has produced a sea of oppressed people who have either fled unsafe churches or they’ve been banned from them. At the same time, abusive leaders have grown in power and influence with the full protection and blessing of their fellow leaders. The reason I write and speak about this so much is not to prove I’m right and others are wrong. The real reason is to plead with my fellow church leaders to have an ounce of humility and to revisit the scriptures with a heightened awareness that their bad theology is ruining the very lives of the people Jesus came to rescue.

We need to do better. I will shout this from the rooftops. We need to teach better. We need to study better. We need to pray better. And, most importantly, we need to pray for the wisdom to discern who the ravenous wolves are and take action to remove them while protecting those who are like sheep without a shepherd.

Photo by Vasilios Muselimis on Unsplash

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Thoughts about Hillsong and Brian Houston from a minister who did report his own father

Hillsong

Hillsong Church, known across the globe for its worship music, has been in the spotlight recently. To be honest, I never knew much about Hillsong until 60 Minutes Australia did a special on Frank Houston’s victim, Brett Sengstock, on November 18th. What really caught my interest was that, like me, Brian Houston learned of allegations of abuse against his own father, a pastor who was preaching at the time Brian Houston heard the allegations. I reported my father, a former preacher, to the police. Brian Houston did not report his. I wanted to learn more about this story that keeps making waves across the world because the world is watching those of us in church leadership. How we respond to allegations of abuse matters. It especially matters to victims and their families. 

I watched the 60 Minutes story on Brian Houston’s response and also read “Hillsong’s legal response to misleading statements by 60 Minutes.” I found it interesting that Hillsong wasted no time in releasing a statement defending the institution and its founder by correcting statements made in the 60 Minutes episode that aired three days prior. To Brian Houston’s credit, he has spoken in public interviews in the past regarding his father and his story has not changed much. Brian did not, for whatever reason, interview with 60 Minutes and I think he missed an important opportunity to express his sorrow for his father’s victims and to take ownership of his mishandling of his father’s abuse allegations. 

It is troubling to me that the church attorneys are so defensive of Brian’s response to the allegations when the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse paints a less flattering picture of how those events unfolded.

I’ve read the entire Royal Commission’s report for the 2014 Case Study No. 18 and there are several things worth pointing out. 

  • Brian Houston did not report the matter to police in 1999 when he was informed that his father had produced a victim in the late 60s/early 70s
  • Neither did Pastor Taylor, who first was made aware of the abuse in 1998 by the victim’s mother. Though, to Barbara Taylor’s credit, she worked incredibly hard to get other leaders to respond to the allegations. Nor did evangelist Mudford report, or Pastor McMartin, who was at the time a member of the New South Whales State Executive, or Pastor Alcorn, a member of the National Executive who was called by Pastor McMartin for advice on the matter, or George Aghajanian, the Business Manager of Hills Christian Life Centre who personally told Brian about the allegations against his father.
  • In fact, on December 22nd of 1999, Brian Houston called a Special Executive Meeting of the Assemblies of God in Australia where 8 were present, including the National Secretary of the Assemblies of God in Australia. None of those present made a report to police. Furthermore, the minutes from that meeting state: “the Assemblies of God in Australia movement would not be notified of the disciplinary action” (against Frank Houston)
  • In 2000, Frank Houston met with his victim “AHA” (identified now as Brett Sengstock) at a McDonald’s and wrote a figure of $10,000 on a napkin for Brett to sign. Brian Houston mailed the check to Brett in an envelope only containing the signed check and no correspondence. This was because Brett had contacted Brian to say that his father never sent the money he had promised. Brian did not report the payment to anyone within the Assemblies of God and claimed in a public statement in 2014 to Hillsong Church, “There have been reports of money being paid to the victim. Again for clarification, this was between my father and the victim. It had nothing to do with me or Hillsong church.”
  • Brian, who was the national president of the Assemblies of God in Australia,  revoked his dad’s credentials for preaching but never removed him from the church, as far as I can tell. In fact, according to the report Brian and his dad continued to have weekly meetings where they discussed ministry together
  • Hillsong released a statement in 2015 in response to the Royal Commission report. They said, “The perpetrator, Frank Houston, was immediately removed from ministry by Pastor Brian and church leadership and never ministered in the church again, ensuring no child was placed in danger. He is now deceased.”  The reality is that, by not reporting him to police, by not removing him from the church altogether, and by having conversations about restoring Frank back to ministry, they placed every child in danger. The Royal Commission states, “The minutes also record that Mr. Frank Houston would be invited the ‘Assemblies of God [in Australia] restoration program.” This program was a rehabilitation program designed to restore pastors who had been removed back into the ministry. Fortunately, Pastor Ainge said at that meeting that Frank would not be approved because the “Administration Manual prohibited rehabilitation of paedophiles.”
  • Though Frank Houston repeatedly raped AHA and multiple other victims, he only “confessed” to one instance of fondling AHA to his son Brian. Pastor Taylor wrote in minutes from their November 28th, 1999 meeting concerning this “confession,” “Frank Houston had confessed to a lesser incident than the truthful one but it was further than I had been able to get.” Though they all knew Frank minimized the abuse to one petty incident of fondling to which Pastor Taylor said, “I did not and do not believe,” nobody ever questioned Frank any further, reported him to police, or made him stand before the church to be publicly held accountable for his crimes
  • Even though Brian testified that he was aware in 2000 of 6 additional victims in New Zealand, Frank was still permitted to “retire” from his church in Australia with “a simple statement concerning Frank’s retirement” that was made while he and his wife were on vacation in New Zealand in January 2001. He was paid a retirement package, “which included financial support for him and his wife.” The Royal Commission concluded: “Despite having knowledge that Mr. Frank Houston admitted to sexually abusing AHA, the National Executive allowed Mr. Frank Houston to publicly resign, without damage to his reputation or the reputation of Hillsong Church.”

I could fill many more bullet points. I walked a similar path as Brian Houston when an allegation of sexual abuse of a minor was brought to my attention by one of my father’s victims. As a minister who has walked this path, I struggle to make sense of how the allegations of Frank Houston were handled. Brian testified in 2014 that Brett was 35 or 36 years old when the abuse was discovered, that he was in a brittle state, and that he did not want Brian to report for fear of his story going public. Hillsong Church brought themselves to a new low in their 2015 statement by saying, “The victim was a 36 year old adult when this abuse became known and could have taken the matter to police himself at any time.” 

What Brian and Hillsong attorneys omit in their public statements is that the very next month after Brian found out about his father, Pastor Barbara Taylor wrote Brian a letter stating that Brett (AHA) was “so very, very soft” and that “there was a complete change in attitude. . . He wanted to know if I had told you he was thinking of legal proceedings.” 

Why, given this new information, did Brian not report? Why make the argument that the victim was in a brittle state and why pay him a sum of $10,000 the following year when you knew he was thinking of legal proceedings? Brett specifically wanted Pastor Taylor to let Brian know that he was ready for legal proceedings, which meant Brett was willing to talk to whomever he needed to seek justice and bring about closure. 

It’s important to note that the victim of my father who disclosed to me was not a child. She was an adult in a brittle state and I never expected her to report her own abuser. Furthermore, I too had victims who came forward just days after the first victim disclosed to me and begged me not to report my father, their abuser. It was too late. I wasted no time in reporting it to the police. But that wouldn’t have changed my decision to report anyway. When my father was arrested, those same victims thanked me for standing firm and reporting. When it comes to the sexual abuse and exploitation of minor children, we ministers can’t play judge and jury. Sexual abuse of a minor was a criminal offense in 1999 in Australia and it is still a criminal offense today. We ministers can’t pick and choose which crimes we wish to report, no matter who the offender is. 

Brian Houston frequently talks about the day he found out as “being the worst day of my life.” I can’t be critical on that point. I don’t think Brian is exaggerating and I believe him to be sincere on this point. The day I found out I was floored. Devastated doesn’t even come close to how I felt. Brian rightly talks about how difficult it was to navigate as a pastor, a father, as the leader of a church, and having to confront his own father. But what I felt on July 29, 2011 and what Brian felt in October of 1999 pales in comparison to what our fathers’ victims experienced time after time after time when they were raped and humiliated. Nor does it compare to what they still experience each and every day of their lives today. When Brian and I found out our fathers were abusers on the worst day of our lives we both still had an obligation and a mandate to report to the police. 

I really don’t doubt that Brian struggled, and is still struggling today with what his father did. Our lives are never the same after finding out our heroes are guilty of such heinous crimes. But I just can’t understand why Brian failed to report to the police. A thousand pages couldn’t contain all the thoughts that went through my head when I was sitting in the police station with my mother making a report about my father. Even still, failing to report never entered my mind. Obviously for Brian it did. In the December 1999 meeting, the minutes state that Brian “said he had spoken to a barrister who had told him that if it goes to court his father would surely be incarcerated for the crime.” I didn’t have to speak to an attorney to know the implications of my reporting my father. In fact, I didn’t have time to consult with an attorney before I reported. My father was incarcerated a few short weeks after I reported him. He will spend the rest of his days on earth behind bars. That doesn’t bring me joy, but neither was the reality of his incarceration a reason for me to keep the information I had from police. 

For the life of me I can’t comprehend why Brian and the other leadership misled the church about Frank’s “retirement,” or why he was given a financial retirement reward for his crimes when he earned prison time instead. Nor can I understand why all the other people who were in the know besides for Brian failed to report to police. I don’t get why they had a conversation about restoring Frank to the church just days after Brian was made aware of the allegations. Or why Hillsong keeps putting up these horrific statements defending the church instead of expressing their brokenness on behalf of the victims. A better statement would express their sorrow over all that has been lost for the victims and would apologize for the mistakes that were made in the way leadership in 1999 handled the allegations. They should share in the pain, anger, and frustration of Franks victims, including Brett. But instead their attorneys released a statement with bullet points of all the “misleading statements” of the 60 Minutes episode. 

In the end, I think it’s important for churches to know that how you respond to abuse allegations matters. It matters to survivors. It matters to police. It matters to the church as a whole. Brian Houston is learning that past failures are today’s problems. We’re never going to get everything completely right. There are too many variables and our judgment is clouded by the shock of knowing the abuser is someone we love and respect. But this is a case where not much went right at all. Brian Houston and Hillsong Church have to be willing to admit that. They have a very bright spotlight on them right now. They can either choose to humbly admit their failures and fully side with the victims or they can keep releasing their defensive media statements that make it sound as if there weren’t any bad decisions that were made. 

I honestly want to see them take the right steps. For the sake of victims everywhere. And for the sake of Christ and his church. 

*Feature image courtesy of CC BY-SA 3.0, via Creative Commons license, some rights reserved. 

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Abusers become more brazen when they are suspected of abuse

Larry Nassar

Pedophile abusers are not intimidated by church policies or accountability partners and will not refrain from abusing kids simply because a handful of people are “keeping an eye” on them. When they are in the church, they are primed for abuse and will strike again. Churches have made a fatal theological mistake by not calling wolves by the proper name and this, in my opinion, is a leading reason why churches continue to be one of the most dangerous places for our youth. Churches mistakenly accept wolves as if they were sheep and give them exactly what they seek to devour. The Bible rightly distinguishes wolves from sheep because wolves are inherently intent on feasting on their prey. A wolf does not get better–he or she gets smarter. Wolves do not convert into sheep. They are, by nature, predators and predators blend in to the flock of prey exceptionally well. 

Peter says, “They count it pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you” (2 Peter 2:13 ESV). Peter never has a nice, forgiving, or accommodating word for them. Never does he talk about reconciliation; never does he refer to these false preachers as “brothers.” Quite the opposite. Peter says, “What the true proverb says has happened to them: ‘The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire'” (2 Peter 2:22). 

What about Paul? Is he any softer in his approach? Not even close! Paul says that they are “reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people” (2 Timothy 3:4, 5). In the very next sentence Paul says that they “creep into households” and capture weak (vulnerable) women who are “burdened with sins and led astray by various passions.” Importantly, Paul doesn’t prescribe religious community to bring these impostors to repentance or to hold them accountable. Instead he warns Timothy and recommends Christians in the Ephesian church avoid them! Why? Because, according to Paul, “evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived” (2 Timothy 3:13). 

Surely Jesus, who died for mankind and told people to love their enemies and turn the other cheek, has more compassion on abusers who masquerade as righteous people? Jesus himself sternly warned, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruit. . . A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15, 18-20).  

I find it extremely relevant that Jesus never asks us to pray for, encourage, heal, or embrace the false prophet who masquerades as a child of light. In fact, no author of the Bible does. Rather, we find a trove of passages throughout the Bible–passages that have been conveniently ignored or glossed over–which tell us to warn others about oppressive, abusive, and deceptive people. Why should we warn and not encourage? Because impostors have evil intentions, they love to revel in the daytime, they are fueled by deception, and they will always go from bad to worse. 

After my own dad was exposed as an abuser, I had to deconstruct all the twisted theology I’d been taught my whole life. It takes an incredible amount of humility and honesty to admit that much of what we thought we knew about God could be flawed. But I wanted to know what God had to say about evil in light of his justice and, particularly, what he says about deception. The vast majority of churches I’ve come into contact with re-frame deception as “stumbling,” “getting caught up in sin,” etc. and argue that the Bible implores us to embrace all sinners and reintegrate them into the fold. The sheer irony is that seldom is this same principle applied to victims of child sexual abuse (or abuse of any kind). Clearly we need more accurate training in our seminaries. 

I have studied pedophiles and their deception techniques a lot. Actually, that’s an understatement. I’ve lived and breathed it for the past seven years. The more I observe, the more I realize that the Bible speaks with precision when it comes to deception and that impostors, unlike other sinners, are always calculated, intentional, and purposely intend to intimidate and inflict harm on innocent victims. Impostors really do revel in the daytime. They thrive on the adrenaline rush they get from oppressing the innocent and vulnerable. They love using religious speak and sound very convincing. And they always go on from bad to worse. I’ve waded through thousands of pages of documents and have spoken with hundreds of people trying to grasp the gravity of it all. I’ve asked pointed questions of pedophile offenders and the people who work beside them in prisons. 

And one thing that keeps capturing my attention is this: Abusers get a rush from getting caught abusing victims in plain sight. Some of you may know that my expertise is in deception and abuse in plain sight. I’ve written many posts about this and now collaborate with neuroscientists Dr. Stephen Macknik and Dr. Susana Martinez-Conde. Their data on visual illusions and what they’ve coined “sleights of mind” is earth-shattering, in my opinion. Their research on deception has opened up a whole new world for me and helped me unlock a host of ideas and concepts that were long floating around in my head. It’s well known that many abusers (possibly the majority of abusers) intentionally abuse their victims in plain sight of others. What’s not as well known is that they consciously use sophisticated techniques that they practice in order to hack belief systems and hold the adults’ spotlight of attention. Just like close up magic, these techniques are used to keep adults blind to the abuse that’s happening right in front of them. 

But there is an additional thrill that comes when they are caught. Several years ago, when discussing specific techniques used to abuse victims in plain sight of adults, my dad had this to say about getting caught: 

“If it all comes out, how would you prove any of this?  So nothing happens except the pedophile is now emboldened to explore more brazen abuses and win the acceptance/trust and secrecy of the child.”

I think the world was shocked in January when many victims and their parents described how Dr. Larry Nassar would digitally penetrate and massage the bare breasts of his victims as he was casually talking with the parents who were in the same room. The Bible says this type of impostor who revels in the daylight will go on from bad to worse. He had everyone fooled in spite of the many times he was reported. Nassar is an important case study because he is exactly the type of abuser that churches long to embrace. He masterfully fakes remorse and his abuse techniques are common to most abusers. His demeanor is kind, grandfatherly, and respectful. He convincingly appeared to be broken over the uncovering of his sins at Judge Aquilina’s sentencing. But I wasn’t buying his facade for a second. I know that abusers like Larry Nassar thrive on abuse in plain sight. I also believed that Nassar was like the typical abuser my dad described in countless letters to me from prison. So I did some research. 

I discovered that Nassar was in fact caught many times. And each time he was caught, with the exception of the final interrogation in 2016, Larry Nassar responded exactly how my dad described abusers in his letter–it only emboldened him to explore more brazen abuses and win the acceptance/secrecy of the child. The following is a case-in-point with a victim named in a suit as Jane C. Doe. Nassar had a medical assistant in the room who asked him where his hand was as he was digitally penetrating his victim. It did not deter Nassar in the least. In fact, he dismissed the assistant from the room and continued to penetrate his victim:

Larry Nassar

Over the years, several little girls reported that Nassar had touched them in a way that was not right. It made them very uncomfortable, caused physical pain, and even urinary tract infections. One victim, named Larissa Boyce, told coach Kathie Klages about the abuse. Klages, who was later indicted herself, brushed it off and told Larissa that she was mistaken, that Larry was a “good friend.” If you believe, like I once believed, that a little girl reporting to another coach would make an abuser like Nassar nervous, you would be wrong. The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire. Evil people and impostors go on from bad to worse. Here is what happened the next time Larissa was sent back to Larry Nassar for “treatment” after reporting to Klages: 

The next time she went to visit Larry, he closed the door, pulled up a stool, sat down, and looked at her. “So,” he said, “I talked to Kathie.”

source

The abuse continued. Many argue that I’m unfair to abusers “who have a past” and that once they spent time in prison we have no business “airing their dirty laundry” to the church. But I’ve waded through hundreds of pages of documents just on Larry Nassar alone. He did this over and over again, victim after helpless victim. When he suspected or knew that a victim told on him, the abuse always intensified and progressed to more blatant techniques in front of their parents.  This is not unique to Larry Nassar. It’s what abusers do. There’s a thrill of the hunt, but there’s a bigger thrill of getting caught and talking their way out of it. 

This is why I will never recommend a church create limited contact agreements (aka “accountability covenants”) for convicted pedophiles who were released from prison. Never assume that prison somehow transformed them, or broke them down, or that they are not skilled enough to find a way to abuse a child right in front of your eyes. 

When I watched the Nassar sentencing live, I cheered Judge Aquilina on when she read part of Nassar’s letter. Nassar had just read his statement to his victims and he said that hearing his victims “has shaken me to my core.” Again, I wasn’t buying it, and neither was Judge Aquilina. I’ve seen this dog-and-pony act that abusers give to churches when they are released from prison. They are incredibly convincing with their words, body posture, and crocodile tears.  Yet the Bible demands that we beware. God’s word tells us that deceivers and impostors are waterless mists, born for destruction, and they revel in the daytime while they feast with you. 

After Nassar’s apology to his victims, Judge Aquilina read part of Nassar’s letter that he wrote a couple months prior. She said, “The reason I’m going to do that (read parts of the letter) is because I’ve considered it in sentencing as an extension of your apology, and whether I believe it or not.” Nassar berated the Attorney General, the Federal Judge, Judge Aquilina, and even the victims when he claimed “what I did in the state cases was all medical, not sexual. . . The media convinced them (victims) that everything I did was wrong and bad. They feel I broke their trust. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn.” 

In a recent interview with TODAY, Hoda Kotb asked Judge Aquilina, “Do you think it registered to him that he did something wrong?” Judge Aquilina immediately answered, “No. That’s why there’s the meme of me tossing the letter. I tossed it because there’s a bunch of junk in there and the primary problem I have with the letter is that he still thinks he’s a doctor and he still thinks he was performing medical (treatment).” 

https://youtu.be/8-nNzkywAwc?t=286

I beg church leaders to study this. Read the court dockets. Listen to Nassar’s victims as they recount the trauma and pain. Listen to Nassar’s lame apology, and listen to the letter he wrote a couple months prior. Then ask yourself if you think he’s remorseful now that he’s in prison, if he’s haunted by what he has done to hundreds, if not thousands of victims. Remember that Nassar learned that one of his victims committed suicide and he heard another victim, Kyle Stephens, describe how she lost her father to suicide because of the abuse. 

Nassar was not remorseful on the day of sentencing and he is not remorseful now. In fact, he already appealed his sentence three times since January! This is what wolves do. Nassar appealed. Sandusky appealed. Jared Fogle appealed. Bill Cosby appealed. My own father appealed just two weeks ago. Pick any abuser. They are entitled. They believe the system is rigged and they will do whatever it takes to get out of prison so they can go back into our churches where they will be embraced and protected. I will say it till I’m blue in the face–keeping an eye on abusers is not effective. If abusers can full on molest victims in front of trained medical staff, be questioned on it, and return to abusing the same victim seconds later, believe when I say that an accountability covenant won’t deter them. Extra windows on doors won’t deter them. We need to realize that abusers are wolves, and our theology of warning and protecting others needs to match it. 

I strongly believe that we need to focus our attention on learning and understanding specific techniques abusers use to abuse their victims in plain sight. These wolves are banking on our ignorance. They expect to be able to talk themselves out of it because most of us would never believe that someone could molest a child within inches of us without our seeing it. It sounds absurd. And the abusers know it.

It’s important to note that what finally made Nassar crumble was when Rachael Denhollander, one of Nassar’s victims, took the time to study Nassar’s abusive techniques juxtaposed with proper pelvic floor treatment. Though she didn’t necessarily study the techniques Nassar used to keep her mother blind to the abuse, she was thorough in her research of pelvic floor techniques. She did her homework and armed the police with enough information that they could begin, for the first time ever, to poke holes in Nassar’s explanation of his fake methodology. Rachael said: 

“And I brought with me to those reports, my medical records showing that Larry had never charted penetrative techniques. I brought medical records from a nurse practitioner documenting my graphic disclosure of abuse way back in 2004. 
“I had my journals showing the mental anguish I had been in since the assault, a catalog of national and international medical journal articles showing what real pelvic floor treatment looks like. I brought a letter from a neighboring district attorney vouching for my character and truthfulness and urging detectives to take my case seriously.”

If we are going to ever stand a chance of detecting deception, we must begin with studying it. Another important step is to have a proper theology where we name wolves and warn congregations that they are near. The Bible instructs us to warn others and to avoid wolves, not because it is archaic and judgmental. Rather, the Bible expects us to tap into wisdom and to use discernment so that we can recognize when impostors have crept in among us. Children will never stand a chance if we fail to identify wolves and keep them at bay.