Church Leaders Archives - JimmyHinton.org

February 23, 2024June 26, 2024

Can churches recover after abuse?

a woman in black long sleeve shirt sitting alone on wooden pew

Can churches recover after abuse? A better question is how do churches recover after abuse? It’s no secret that, under my leadership, our church experienced abuse of the worst kind at the hands of my own father. In 2011 I reported my own father after a disclosure of abuse. Our worst nightmare came true. We quickly found out that there were at least dozens of victims, all of them very young children at the time of their abuse.

Our small rural church was completely devastated. My family was devastated. Our entire community was instantly wrecked. I am living proof that churches can recover after abuse. But the church will never be the same. How can it? Abuse changes everything. It steals innocence, takes away the feeling of being safe, and destroys trust. Churches absolutely can recover after abuse but it takes hard work and dedication to do the right thing. Here are five things churches can do to recover after abuse:

Report abuse – I’m always astounded at the resistance churches give to report abuse of children. It shouldn’t surprise me because currently 33 states exempt clergy from reporting abuse of minors if the information is considered privileged. When laws are not in favor of protecting children decent people should be. Sadly most are not. Isn’t it strange that churches will always report vandalism to authorities? Yet they rarely report abuse of children. When we treat material possessions better than our children it says something of the moral compass. There is a trove of evidence that shows churches are among the most dangerous places for children to be abused. I’ve consulted with dozens of churches and for the few that had a handful of leaders willing to do the right thing, they were almost always threatened by other leaders who worked triple time to cover up abuse. It should be a given that we church leaders report allegations of abuse, no questions asked. Finding loopholes to evade reporting requirements is both unethical and dangerous to our children. Always report allegations of child abuse.
Keep abusers away from the church – When I reported my dad he said he’d see me at church the next Sunday. I informed him that he would not. And if he tried we would physically remove him for trespassing. Churches can and should do this. The majority of churches I worked with over the years argue with me that churches, by law, cannot ban anyone from going to church. This is not only untrue, but it flies in the face of common sense. The Bible is full of commands to protect sheep from unwanted wolves. It’s literally as simple as telling them they are not welcome to come. Churches dramatically increase their liability by welcoming known child predators into the fold. Not to mention that real children are likely to be severely harmed. Banning abusers sends a clear message to survivors that their protection is in our best interest and we won’t welcome people who intentionally harm innocent people.
Provide support for victims – One of the first things we did as a church was to provide funding for any of my father’s victims to receive counseling. Victims should not have to worry about how they will pay for counseling. Too many churches provide support for abusers instead of victims. We reversed that. My dad’s victims received support. He received a prison sentence. Victims did not ask to be abused. It was forced upon them when they were very young. The least we can do is to offer support, to the best of our ability, to victims of these senseless crimes.
Communicate – Leaders and church members alike should talk very openly about what happened. The elephant is already in the room, so pretending that it isn’t does not help the cause of Christ in any imaginable way. Preachers should preach against abuse and about nurturing those who were oppressed. In our case, I named my dad by name. He was the one who viciously abused children and everyone knew it. Victims’ names, however, should not be named. Again, they did not ask to be abused and naming their names without consent revictimizes them all over again. Come up with a plan for how to protect those who’ve been abused and for keeping everyone else safe. There will be resistance. Even in our church were abuse did take place, I was criticized by some for talking about it. A few left the church because I talked openly about it. I’d rather see them go than be silent and pretend that nothing happened.
Make a written protection policy – This should not be optional. Unfortunately we, like so many other churches, did not have a written policy. Abuse was not on our radar and we didn’t know the importance of having one. Sadly, that did not work out well for us. After reporting the abuse we immediately drafted a policy. Each year we renew it. Verbal agreements do not work. Policies must be spelled out and rules must apply to everyone equally. There are good resources for crafting a policy. It is a must for churches to be safe.

This year marks thirteen years since I reported my dad. Churches can recover after abuse but I’m still not sure what “recovering” fully means. The cloud of sadness will always be there. There are still days where I’d rather stay in bed than do ministry. The losses that we’ve endured seem to outweigh the gains. But doing the right thing is always the best choice. The alternative is literally shattering countless lives.

It takes a village to keep every child safe. Feel free to check out the videos tab to see some of the free videos. If you want to support this blog, you can offer tips via the coffee logo. Or if you want to delve even deeper, check out the trainings tab. Let’s work together to keep our children safe!

February 9, 2024June 26, 2024

Abusers do their homework and so should you

unrecognizable black man in mask of anonymous in city

Abusers do their homework and so should you. I have yet to meet a “dumb” abuser. Abusers rarely get caught and, even if they are suspected of abuse, they become emboldened to abuse more. As Peter describes them, they are “like irrational animals, creatures of instinct” and “they count it pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you” (2 Peter 2:12, 13 ESV).

I have neither met or heard of a child abuser who does the one thing that an abuser should do after getting caught–actually stay away from children. In fact, I receive requests for consultations from people whose churches welcome abusers with open arms. It’s no surprise that churches have an overpopulation of abusers in the church. Baptist Accountability lists hundreds of child offenders, most of whom are either still preaching or are active members of a church.

They always magically wind up at church

It’s no accident that abusers wind up at churches, ~~even~~ especially after they are caught. My dad’s own description of church volunteers who visit his prison is telling: “They’re so stupid and gullible.” Abusers know how to fool people. They’ve done it their entire lives. Child predators are both intuitive and knowledgeable. Abusers do their homework and so should you. They know who the gullible people are, who to target, and they will strike again. This interview with Dr. Michael Bourke is very good. Dr. Bourke talks about why recidivism is so low for child sexual abusers and how common it is for them to actually reoffend.

Trust your gut

Just this week I was contacted by someone I know but haven’t spoken to in years. The request was simple enough but it didn’t sit right with me. My gut told me to ignore the message. I’m glad I did. A few days later I got an anonymous call about this person. He was jailed two days after contacting me. When I did a quick online search I found a long history of felony charges of abuse of minors.

When I made a couple of phone calls it appeared he attempted to use me to flee the country. I had no idea there was a history of abuse, let alone any arrests. But my intuition told me to hesitate. When something doesn’t look or sound right we need to do our homework.

Don’t be lazy

Too many churches take the lazy route. They implement an open door policy and never look into people. Even when they know someone is a convicted sexual abuser they go out of their way to not research the person’s history. It’s not that difficult to look someone up. As part of a course, I teach people how to search for offenders for free. Believe me when I say abusers know everything there is to know about the people at their church. They chose your church for a reason.

Do your homework. Know who you are talking to and who interacts with your kids. Abusers do their homework and so should you.

January 12, 2024June 26, 2024

Can we support both victims and abusers?

Can we in the church support both victims and abusers? A more appropriate question is, should we support both victims and abusers? The vast majority of churches I worked with over the years supported abusers at the expense of victims. The most asked question I received was, “How do we minister to our brother (the abuser)?” It always irritated me that the abuser was the primary concern and not the victims. Abusers are often assigned accountability partners, prayer partners, support teams, etc. Victims almost never are assigned much beyond blame and shame. But should the abuser even receive support?

Description of abusers

Before we talk about whether to support abusers, we need to define what an abuser is. An abuser, regardless of their position in the church or elsewhere, is someone who is intentional about seeking victims out. Peter calls them bold and willful (2 Peter 2:10). They “count it pleasure to revel in the daytime” and are “reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you” (vs. 13). They “loved gain from wrongdoing” (vs. 15), “indulge in the lust of passion and despise authority” (vs. 10). Peter describes them this way: “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire” (vs. 22).

Paul (a reformed persecutor of Christians and witness to murders), has similar descriptions of abusers. They “creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions” (3 Timothy 3:5), and are “always learning but never able to arrive at knowledge of the truth” (vs. 7). They are “lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,” (vs. 2-4) and so on. Abusers in the church, according to Paul, get worse and not better: “while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived” (vs. 13).

By the way, both Peter and Paul specifically talk about impostors within the church. Both describe people who masquerade as good, godly people. But secretly they mistreat people. They are arrogant. Abusers lie, cheat, and mislead. And they love it. That is why they don’t stop. Their intention to deceive and inflict harm sets an abuser apart from someone who makes bad decisions or from someone who struggles with addiction. It sets them apart from people who make insanely stupid decisions but then can later learn from them. Abusers don’t care. They don’t stop. They revel in their deceptions.

What to do with abusers

I think the Bible is clear. If someone is preying on innocent victims they will do it again. If they are manipulating, lying, and pretending but secretly are cruel, twisted, and defiant, they won’t stop. Paul says of these “Christians,” Avoid such people” (2 Tim 3:5). Peter implies that they should be avoided. He’s more clear on their destruction: “And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep” (2 Peter 2:3). They are “irrational animals, creatures of instinct, born to be caught and destroyed” (vs. 12).

Paul tells the Corinthian church to handle an abuser like this: “cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump” (1 Cor. 5:7). He continues: “I am writing you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler (verbal abuser), drunkard, or swindler (rapacious or ravenous)–not even to eat with such a one” (vs. 11). His conclusion for the Corinthian church is to “purge the evil person from among you” (vs. 13). Again, these are abusers, not merely people who mess up. We know this because Paul addresses drunk Christians at the Lord’s supper in chapter 11 and never suggests kicking them out. He clearly is speaking about removing abusive people in chapter 5.

Reasons to avoid abusers

Many Christians are shamed for avoiding people or kicking them out. They believe that doing so is contrary to what Christ commands. But Jesus himself often warned his people about wolves in sheep’s clothing. The entire chapter 10 of John is Jesus condemning leaders for allowing ravenous wolves into the flock of sheep. He said that a good shepherd will lay down his life to protect the sheep but the hired hand cares nothing for the sheep and will leave when the wolf arrives.

We avoid abusive people for a few reasons. First and most important, we are protecting innocent people from known abusers–people who have a known history of manipulating innocent people for the purpose of abusing them. Second, it is an act of grace for everyone, including an abuser, to keep them away from people who they intend to harm. It’s quite the opposite when we treat them with kid gloves and pretend like serial abusers are Jesus’ closest bro. I wrote a post before about why it is dishonest for churches to hide abusers within the church. For a host of reasons, it’s just wrong. Don’t do it.

Third, we avoid abusers in hopes of repentance. Paul urged the Corinthians to “deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord” (1 Cor. 5:5). In other words, this jerk wants to produce victims? Let Satan have his way with him and see how he likes it! Maybe it will wake him up and in the end he might be saved. This is a far cry from how churches routinely handle allegations of abuse today.

Finally, we avoid confusion for victims of abuse and send a clear message to abusers that abusing innocent people won’t ever result in rewards. There are a couple instances where I unapologetically asked people to leave our church. Both were visitors. One had just gotten out of prison and was chasing kids around attempting to tickle them. The other was a man who I could tell was manipulating me. A church member disclosed later that this man had verbally assaulted her months before at her apartment complex. She thanked me for removing him.

Conclusion

I personally don’t think it’s possible, wise, or biblical to support abusers and victims together. In fact, I think it’s appropriate and necessary to remove abusers who fit the descriptions above. I know there are complexities to this, and these will be addressed in later posts. I will also write several posts for how we actually care for survivors of abuse in the church because right now the church is failing. For now, stay safe. Keep known predators at bay. Protect the innocent.

If you’d like to support the work I do, check out the online training course. You can also offer support by going to the coffee icon on the bottom of any page on this site. Thank you to all who help me continue this work!

April 9, 2021April 11, 2021

Denial of abuse IS spiritual abuse

In the past couple of days I’ve received four messages from people crying out because they warned church leaders of their abuser, only to be told that they are being over-reactive and “judgy.” These were not petty allegations either. There was plenty of evidence given to those leaders, including news articles, sex offender registry links, and lists of charges that were filed against the criminals. Yet, to no avail, the pleas for church leaders to warn their congregations fell on deaf ears, leaving them completely underwhelmed and unmoved.

Not only were church leaders not willing to warn their congregations about the abusers’ serial criminal activity and charges, but in three of the four cases, they offered the abusers a platform for teaching and preaching to church members. Victims were left feeling deflated, unheard, and were warned by those same leaders that they need to drop the matter or else. This behavior is spiritual abuse at its worst. There is a radical difference between ignorance and willful denial. Both are equally dangerous to innocent people, but willful denial will enable abusers more than anything. When leaders refuse to even look at the evidence at hand, they are abusing their position as leaders. When they become aggressive toward victims (or anyone, for that matter) for speaking up about current or past abuse, they are behaving no better than the abuser.

The above scenarios are not uncommon. To be sure, ask any survivor of abuse what their church’s response was when they warned church leaders about an abuser. Most–but not all–will share stories of leaders denying, minimizing, or ignoring abuse allegations. When leaders deny or minimize abuse “in the name of Jesus,” it sends a very clear message to the victim that their wounds don’t matter and that the abuser is more important. Worse, it sends a message to all the innocent people in the congregation that their safety doesn’t matter. Shutting down people who legitimately warn others of legitimately dangerous predators is spiritual abuse. It’s exactly what Jesus spoke about when he said, “He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.” (John 10:12, 13).

My mission in life is to understand child predators and how they so successfully con everyone in their lives so that I can help spare innocents from being harmed. But I also want to know the heart of God. At no point in the Bible does God ever condone defending, supporting, or turning a blind eye to abusive oppressors. In fact, God consistently defends the cause of the oppressed. Abusers are crafty, smart, charismatic, and persistent. If we are serious about making our church gatherings safe, we need to be serious about keeping abusers at bay.

A repentant child abuser wouldn’t fathom being near children again, let alone teaching and preaching. Positioning oneself as a spiritual leader and mentor after having serially raped and molested multiple victims is a misnomer. Child abuse is not a sin where someone accidentally “falls into temptation.” It’s a crime. And a sophisticated one at that. It takes a very high degree of practiced lying and deceit to successfully gain access to children, repeatedly molest them, guarantee their silence, and remain undetected. Abuse depends on the trust and naivety of others. This is exactly why abusers can never be trusted again. Abusers know how easy it is to get away with abuse, so why in the world would they place themselves in a culture where leaders are swooning over them and they are surrounded by children?

November 13, 2020

Interview questions to ask preaching candidates

crop businessman giving contract to woman to sign

Last fall, Houston Chronicle came out with a damning six part investigative series on abuse cover-ups in the Southern Baptist church. Over 700 victims were discovered as a result. Additionally, over 35 Southern Baptist ministers and volunteers were accused of abuse but were still permitted to keep working, and more than 100 Southern Baptist youth ministers are currently in prison, are registered sex offenders, or are charged with sex crimes. People are rightfully losing trust in church leadership.

The Southern Baptist church hyped up the Caring Well Challenge, by stating that “The Caring Well Challenge is a unified call to action on the sexual abuse crisis in the Southern Baptist Convention. It provides churches with an adaptable and attainable pathway to immediately enhance their efforts to prevent abuse and care for abuse survivors.” This challenge has its critics, myself included, because actions always speak louder than words. In a highly controversial move, J.D. Greear defended the hiring of Bryan Loritts this summer, even though Loritts is accused of covering up sex crimes of his brother-in-law over a decade ago.

Numbers don’t lie. They are not emotional; they just are. Megan and Dominique Benninger launched a database, BaptistAccountability.org, in February of this year to identify convicted and credibly accused abusers and churches that cover-up their abuse. As of this writing, there are already 534 entries, with 404 who’ve been convicted, 82 with credible allegations, and 48 that were covered up/enabled. We interviewed the Benningers on The Speaking Out On Sex Abuse Podcast, and they both acknowledge that the numbers are far, far greater than what is reported.

Clearly there is a major problem across all denominations with either knowingly hiring and hiding abusers, or not doing a good enough job screening them in the first place. Each time I was interviewed to work with a church, I was thrown softball questions that were, in my opinion, shallow, and the questions I was asked told them nothing about who I really am. This is common. To be fair, many churches don’t have any training in abuse and sadly abuse isn’t even on their radar. We recently recorded an episode about interview questions we recommend asking preaching candidates and people who are being considered for other leadership positions (both paid and unpaid). I’ll provide those questions in this post, in hopes that it will help churches to think about the importance of asking better questions.

Until churches ask better questions, we will continue getting more of the same disastrous results. The church is inundated with cases of abuse. With the exception of 2016, for the past quarter of a century the number one reason for church litigation has been (and continues to be) sexual abuse. The very least we can do is do a better job of interviewing and screening candidates. I list the questions below without comment. To hear us unpack each of these questions, listen to the episode above.

What is God’s foundation?
What was Jesus’ mission?
If an adult in the church came to you and told you that a current member sexually abused her when she was a child, how would you respond?
Several people have privately complained that long-time member and one of the church elders is “too close” to children. A Sunday school teacher comes to you privately to say that one of her small children said that he cries when he sees this elder because “I saw his pee pee.” How do you respond?
A new visitor has been attending for several months. He was a former pastor and has a vast knowledge of the scriptures. Everyone really enjoys him and he hasn’t caused any problems. He shares, privately, that he was falsely accused of sexual abuse and is now on the registry. The church is unaware that he is on the registry and he would like to keep it that way due to the embarrassment this would bring to his family. His former church leaders vouch for his character and ability to teach and lead well. They don’t think he was falsely accused, but they think he learned his lesson in prison and that God’s mercy is for all, regardless of what they have done. How will you respond?
How will you make church a safe place for the oppressed, poor, and the sick?

What would you add to this list?

October 9, 2020

Church leaders: Stop “resigning” fired preachers

In a podcast this week, our topic was Diagnosing Your Church’s Health when abuse allegations come to light. One of our points was that unhealthy churches reframe firings as “resignations” so it appears that the guilty person is quitting. “Resignation” firings allow abusers to receive the blessing of the same leaders who fired them, leading to a very confusing environment. Information about abuse allegations are intentionally withheld from the congregation, so leaders give the false appearance that their preacher willingly resigned. I wish I could say that this dishonest tactic is rare. My experience is that it is incredibly common. Just this week, I have been made aware of two instances of preachers being ~~fired~~ “resigned.” That’s two too many.

Healthy churches don’t lie. They don’t need to. If there are allegations of abuse, leaders need to stand on truth and justice. If a charge is serious enough that a church will fire a leader, what does it say about the church that reframes the firing as a “resignation?” The leader who was fired is then able to scurry off to a new unsuspecting church, where they rinse, reinvent, and repeat. Oftentimes, the leaders who allowed (or forced) a “resignation” will even send off the fired pastor with a letter of recommendation, so long as he or she remains silent about the circumstances surrounding the firing.

This is known in secular circles as “passing the trash.” In 2014, Pennsylvania, where I live, unanimously passed a bill in the House that would ban schools from withholding information about problematic teachers. A Penn Live article says it very clearly: “The bill would bar schools from entering into contracts that suppress information about investigations of abuse and sexual misconduct, as well as prevent schools from transferring problem teachers from school district to school district, a practice called “pass the trash.”

If lawmakers are unanimously making it illegal for schools to pass the trash, isn’t it high time the church realizes just how unethical and immoral it is for them to do it? It’s past time that we have a system in place in the church that also bars churches from passing the trash. When someone is credibly accused of any kind of abuse, churches should report all reportable instances to law enforcement, fire the abusive leader, and communicate clearly with their church why they fired the leader. Church leaders should be concise in their communication. They need to inform the church that they have a zero tolerance policy on abuse.

If you are reading this and you know of a leader who suddenly resigns, know that it’s OK to ask questions. Ask the person if they actually resigned on their own free will or if it was a forced resignation. Ask what circumstances led to the resignation. It’s impossible to know the difference between a legitimate resignation and a firing that is framed as a resignation unless we ask the right questions.

If you are a leader who “resigned” a church leader in the past, repent and make it right. Accept the consequences for allowing an abuser to move on. This may mean stepping down from your role as a leader in the church. It takes humility and courage to admit your mistakes. We advocates see the trail of damage that is created by abusers who are given a free pass to roam from church to church. The church shouldn’t be an abuser’s playground. Leaders, I beg: stop “resigning” abusers and passing the trash.