SBC’s Caring Well stance on abusers coddles them while keeping them hidden within the church

Abusers in church

Advocates and abuse survivors are not quite convinced that the SBC is really working to protect victims. Neither am I, especially after going through the Caring Well curriculum. To be fair, most of the content is decent. I found myself audibly Amen-ing Diane Langberg and Rachael Denhollander throughout. Those two understand abusers and what it takes to keep people safe from them. Then I came to Lesson Ten–Pastoral Care and Correction For an Abuser. The problem with this dangerous lesson is the same problem I encounter with the vast majority of churches–the theology doesn’t allow them to name people as wolves and to keep them at bay. Worse, it actually protects the wolf while leaving the sheep vulnerable.

This false theology of protecting abusers assumes that all people are capable of repenting and that the church should be a place where all are welcome, regardless of what they’ve done (or are doing). It’s driven by authoritarian leadership structures that give leaders all the power to make decisions regarding abusers, regardless of what church members or abuse survivors think. It allows leaders to keep the church in the dark about the presence of abusers and anyone who questions the leaders’ decisions are labeled as divisive trouble makers.

Foundations are vital. Get the foundation wrong and everything else we build on it will eventually crumble. When I speak places, I often ask what God’s foundation is. This is the most basic question that we all should be able to answer. Yet not one person has ever answered it correctly. The right answer is righteousness and justice: “Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before you” (Psalm 89:14 ESV).

Righteousness–doing what is right, just, and fair (a term used for balancing scales)–and justice–the act of deciding a case and executing a sentence with righteousness as the standard of judgement–are the foundation of God. Everything-literally everything-is built on doing what is fair, just, and balanced, and meeting out justice according to one’s actions. Only in this context can Jesus make sense when John introduced him as someone whose axe is already laid at the root of the tree. John said that every tree that does not bear good fruit “is cut down and thrown into the fire” by Jesus (Matthew 3:10). John continued his introduction of Jesus: “His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire” (Matthew 10:12).

Righteousness and justice are married throughout the Bible. They cannot be separated. Isaiah 59 gives a thorough description of what happens when Israel turns a blind eye to oppression. Evil increases and chaos ensues. Isaiah 59:9 sums it up perfectly:

“Therefore justice is far from us,
    and righteousness does not overtake us;
we hope for light, and behold, darkness,
    and for brightness, but we walk in gloom. “

The foundation of righteousness and justice requires an account for people who refuse to repent. If we don’t know what righteous behavior is, the scales automatically tip in one direction or the other based on what we feel about a person and justice becomes impossible. Jesus echoed John’s words in Matthew 7:19 when he said, “Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.” Over and over again Jesus named wolves and kept them away from his sheep. He overturned tables and chased oppressors out of the Temple with whips. He gave a lengthy “woe to you” sermon without ending with, “But all are welcome here.” He said that it would be better for the one who causes a little one of his to stumble to have a millstone tied around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. He said he was sending his disciples out like sheep among the wolves. Therefore, they were to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. He said that the hired hand runs away when the wolf comes because he cares not for the sheep: “He sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them” (John 10: 12).

Over and over and over again, the scriptures are clear that wolves pretend to be sheep, sneak in, and destroy. It’s not just what wolves do, it’s who they are. Never is the plea to give them community, more love, empathy, understanding, etc. Why? Because of righteousness and justice. Paul says to avoid such people. He goes on to say that evil people and impostors go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived (2 Tim. 3:13). Peter gives a gut wrenching description of false prophets who were sexual predators in 2 Peter 2. There is zero hint of empathy, restoration, or redemption. Why? Because of God’s foundation. Jesus doesn’t say that wolves can be saved. He says they produce thistles and are incapable of producing good fruit. Therefore they are cut down and thrown out. To be clear, those are Jesus’ words and not mine.

Consistently wolves are identified and told to get out. Make no mistake that people who pretend to be righteous in order to steal away the innocence of children and violate them in the worst possible ways are not sheep. They are not people who “mess up, slip up, or fall into temptation.” I’ve been around abusers and have been studying them for a long time. They know exactly what they are doing. They are meticulous in their planning, scheming, and execution of their plans. Very rarely do sexual predators repent, even when the words are there. This is not because they are “struggling” with sin. It is because they are deceptive wolves. They thrive on deceit and stealing that which does not belong to them.

Regardless of what one’s theology is on sheep versus wolves, what concerns me the most is that the Caring Well curriculum coddles predators, welcomes them into the church, and gives them all the secrecy and anonymity they need in order to keep abusing. As if the Lesson Ten on pastoral care for the abuser wasn’t alarming enough, the final lesson, Lesson Twelve, gives a list of follow up resources. The third resource is an article by Brad Hambrick called, “Registered Sex Offender. A Sample Church Membership and Attendance Policy.” This is the exact policy that advocates and survivors work so hard to fight against. This policy is written as a letter to the abuser and it begins with the word, “Friend.” These “friends” are given anonymity and, like usual, the only people “in the know” about the registered sex offender status are a select group of leaders.

I’ve highlighted the sections within this sample policy that are most alarming and dangerous.

First, Summit Church is touted as “a safe place for everyone.” What that means is that abusers are also kept safe within the church. If you don’t believe me, there are three priorities and the third priority is “opportunities to worship and fellowship for everyone, including those under RSO (registered sex offender) status. Very ironically, the protection and safety of abuse survivors is not mentioned in the top three priorities.

The next highlighted section assumes the abusers are “wrestling with the consequences of past actions” and that doing so “can be emotionally difficult.” The policy also rushes to offer unconditional forgiveness: “We want to reiterate throughout this process that you are offered full forgiveness because of Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection. We do not want you to live with a sense of shame.” Oh. My. Goodness. Can you imagine Jesus talking to the money exchangers like this? Remember, these are not people who went out drinking on a Friday night and got themselves into trouble. They are child rapists. They are predators. They are people who have many victims. They are people who deceived, tested, and groomed everyone around them in order to steal the innocence away from little boys and girls. They lived, and continue to live a double life. It’s not just what they do, it’s who they are.

It gets worse. It clearly states, “You can attend services where children are present.” Confusingly, they can attend services where children are present but then page 3 lists conditions that the abuser has to agree to. #9 says, “I acknowledge and agree that all children and student areas are off limits at all times, even if my children are attending Summit Church.” #10 says, “I will not attend a Summit Church small group or visit the home of a Summit Church family where children are present, without the parent knowing my history and giving permission for my entry into their home.” If this isn’t confusing, I don’t know what is. They can attend services where children are present without church members being aware of their presence, but not in a small group, the children’s wing, or in someone’s home.

It can’t be overstated that this policy intentionally keeps the lay church members in the dark. On page 2, under FAQ, it reads, “Who would know about this arrangement and agreement? Those who would know about this arrangement are: the pastors of the Summit Church, the lay elders at your campus, campus security teams, and the point person(s) over student and children’s ministries at your campus.” Really? So the church remains unaware of the agreement between the leadership and the person who is on the public sex offender registry? The church should always have a copy of the agreement unless there is something to hide.

This is not an exaggeration. According to the policy, the elders work with the abuser to pick his own team of individuals to “care” for him. They “do want them to be people you know, trust, and like.” Then what happens when the abuser shows up at church? Page 1 says, “This person would great (sic) you when you arrived at a Summit service or event, at a discrete location, and have you check-in via an app on their phone. . . In function, these individuals should be viewed as a supportive friend. We want you to identify people you would be ‘doing life’ with at Summit anyway and make that more intentional. Socially, there would be nothing to draw attention to this shepherding arrangement. Isn’t that cute? You can’t make this stuff up! The abuser is checked in at a discrete location by the supportive friend, and the abuser is reassured that nothing will be done to draw attention to this agreement.

So let’s recap. Abusers are our friends, we will reiterate that they are forgiven, they get to hand select who their accountability friend is that they will be “doing life” with, they can attend services where children are present, they can check into church at a discrete location, there will be nothing to draw attention to this agreement, and the only ones who know about this agreement are pastors, lay elders, campus security teams, and only the point person(s) over children’s ministries.

Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, on page 2 they state the purpose for having this secret agreement with the sex offender: “Why is this needed? How is this loving? This is a form of protection for you and provides peace of mind to the families in our church.” By now, readers may wonder how families will get peace of mind about this secret agreement if they are not even aware of it. Strangely, the policy reassures the sex offender that they will be the ones protected and that this secret policy “provides peace of mind to the families in our church.” Yet confusingly, the next paragraph states that leaders are “asking” families to sacrifice peace of mind: “We are asking families to sacrifice peace of mind that would be present if we did not allow anyone under RSO status to attend. In other words, they acknowledge that there is a peace of mind that comes with knowing that registered sex offenders are not permitted to attend church. However, the leaders are “asking” families to sacrifice that peace of mind by inviting sex offenders to attend. My jaw is literally on the floor in disbelief! I wonder how many family members have ever been approached by leaders who ask them if they are willing to sacrifice their peace of mind by having sex offenders attend.

The final page has interview questions to ask the sex offender. This is where the real coddling comes into play. They give the sex offender plenty of wiggle room to not answer questions, to only answer when they are ready, and they’re even instructed to ask the abuser permission to talk to a former church that they attended. At least they are sensitive to the abuser’s feelings and, as part of protection for the abuser, they protect their emotions too: “Do they become emotionally overwhelmed as they tell their story? Assessment: Is this person going to be able to withstand the process of joining a small group which will entail the members of the group knowing his/her RSO status?”

Gee whiz. This policy is an abuser’s paradise. It gives them everything they need to be empowered: choice, secrecy, anonymity, access to children, a “sacrifice” on the part of families by allowing the sex offender to be there, and a way to crank up their emotions in the interview process. Advocates know that written policy is very important. The policy endorsed by Caring Well as a top resource, and one that is used at JD Greear’s Summit Church, is reckless, in my opinion.

A couple of years ago I interviewed someone who works with the parole board and has worked in the prison for over 22 years. He told me that sex offenders always change character when before the board. They know the right things to say and when and how to cry. It is all faked. He described one inmate who was a serial child rapist who propped his feet on my friend’s desk. He was cocky and arrogant. A few days later he was before the parole board and was sobbing, saying he’s learned from his mistakes and promised to never hurt anyone again. He was so “ashamed” of what he had done. Here is an excerpt from my interview:

Unless someone is an abuse survivor, most Christians I interact with assume that child predators are remorseful and ashamed when they go to prison and that they pose little risk when they get out of prison.  Does this perception match the reality you see with incarcerated sex offenders?

Absolutely not.  We obviously see that remorse about every time I interview a sex offender in my room or any time a parole agent does.  I don’t interview as many as I used to but when I do remorse is always the first thing we see. They are crying and say they are so sorry for what they have done.  When they get to my department they want to sit on the tack because that’s how they’re getting out the door. In Pennsylvania, we have the Act 98 law. The law says that if you are not admitting to your crime and you are not in treatment, you are not even considered for parole.  So remorse is their ticket to get a green light to the parole board.

In my opinion, Caring Well’s Lesson Ten and this policy as a top resource undoes everything that the other survivors and advocates accomplished in the previous nine lessons. Even more important, it demonstrates that the SBC proves itself to be full of empty words when their actions and policies reflect a culture of secrecy, welcoming abusers into the church against the will of its members, and protecting those same abusers. Until the SBC develops policies that are transparent, it will be known as the organization that hides and protects abusers.

This post is not meant to criticize and wish any ill towards the SBC. Quite the opposite. I want the SBC to get it right. But remaining silent when such dangerous policies are being implemented is not an option. The SBC cannot claim it is caring well when secret agreements hide convicted sex offenders in the church against the knowledge or will of its church members. I pray that more people shine a light on these injustices. I pray that the SBC leaders who think it’s OK to embrace predators and maintain secrecy are either broken or removed. It is my plea to see the Body built upon a foundation of righteousness and justice.

Still Alone: Where Were SBC Leaders When Abuse Survivors Rallied Outside?

For Such a Time As This

“One of the things I’ve learned from Rachael (Denhollander),
as well as other survivors, is that the strongest words,
without actions that follow up those words,
are worse than not saying words at all.”

—J.D. Greear, President of SBC,
at the ERLC Sex Abuse Panel at SBC June 10, 2019.

Cheryl Summers, founder of For Such a Time As This Rally, and Rev. Ashley Easter, sat with their husbands just four rows from the front listening to the panel Monday night. The For Such a Time As This Rally had survivors and advocates travel from across the country to join in prayer and protest the thousands of victims who could have been spared. They all share a common bond and similar goal–to stop the SBC from hiding abusers in the church and to begin protecting the innocent.

https://twitter.com/KyleJamesHoward/status/1138865210813493248?s=19

Just moments before J.D. Greear gave the above response, Rachael Denhollander mentioned For Such a Time As This Rally: “When you see the survivor community–many of them even outside the SBC tomorrow–these men and women have been pleading with the church to hear their voices for decades and they have been shut out over and over and over again in the name of Christ. That’s what the SBC has done to these survivors. You need to feel the grief and the betrayal and the harm and the hurt that they have felt.”

It would have been difficult to miss the group of peaceful protesters on Tuesday with their red shirts and large millstone on display that Ashley’s husband Will made. It was intended to be a reminder of Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:6–“. . . but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” There has been extensive national media coverage of the For Such a Time As This Rally leading up to, and following the Southern Baptist Convention.

Rally organizers Rev. Ashley Easter (left) and Cheryl Summers (right) in front of a large millstone

Among people at the rally who attended and/or spoke were Mary DeMuth, Christa Brown, Jules Woodson, Brooks Hansen, Michael Hansen, Kenny Stubblefield, Ashley Easter, Cheryl Summers, Carolyn Deevers, Dee Parsons, Dwight McKissic, Wade Burleson, and SNAP’s David Clohessy. Rachael and Jacob Denhollander sent cupcakes to the group on their way out of town and visited with rally members throughout the day. But eerily absent were the very SBC leaders who, ironically, were inside the convention center saying that survivors need to be listened to. I was not able to make it to Birmingham due to back-to-back trips and limited time off from work, but several of us who couldn’t make it sent videos Tuesday to For Such a Time As This Rally Facebook page to offer encouragement and our words of support.

I woke up today and it struck me that I saw zero pictures, words of support, or even an acknowledgment that the rally survivors were even in Birmingham, by any SBC leaders who took the stage inside. Nothing. Not. A. Word. It’s as if the survivors and advocates didn’t exist. Yet these courageous friends of mine at the rally, despite their abuse and mistreatment by the SBC, are madly in love with God, work tirelessly to save the lives of countless people who were abused, and openly shared their stories of pain, humiliation, and hope.

As survivors shared their stories, several SBC attendees shouted to the press that they should not give the rally any attention. Apparently, some assumed that the rally speakers and attendees were not Christians. One rally attendee told Cheryl Summers that an SBC attendee tried to talk to them about praying the sinner’s prayer to accept Christ.

I couldn’t shake the feeling of not seeing any SBC leaders there so I reached out to Cheryl Summers and asked her if J.D. Greear or anyone else from his office had taken time to walk outside and greet them or thank them or weep with them over the decades of abuse and cover-ups they’ve endured. I post Cheryl’s response with her permission:

“No. He certainly did not. He actually had 2 opportunities. The first was Monday night. A contingent of us from the Rally went to the ERLC’s panel on sexual abuse. Ashley and I were sitting side by side with our husbands four rows from the front in the center. JD was a panelist and we were right in front of him….feet from the stage. He knows what Ashley looks like. They met a few months ago by accident in a coffee shop and he recognized her then. He kept looking at her on Monday night. He could have walked off stage afterward and thanked us for being there. He didn’t. He was gone as soon as the panel ended.

We personally invited JD, Russell Moore, Beth Moore, and other big names. Initially, Russell and JD’s office said they couldn’t be there due to schedule conflicts. We changed the time to accommodate, but they still couldn’t make it.”

To be completely fair, Cheryl told me that Todd Unzicker’s wife, Bruce Ashford’s wife, Megan Lively, and some others from the Summit Church delivered two coolers of water and thanked them for being there. Believe me, that meant the world to the rally group. That was a kind gesture, and it won’t be forgotten.

But I don’t think this was an accidental oversight by Dr. Greear. Dee Parsons wrote a powerful piece recently that shows the rally organizers have been pushed aside for the past several months: [Updated] Why Won’t Southern Baptist Convention Leaders Allow the For Such a Time As This Rally Inside the Convention Doors? Lest people think I’m nitpicking here, I’ve spoken personally with Ashley Easter on several occasions about this. She happens to live in the same city as J.D. Greear and has attempted, on multiple occasions, to have a brief meeting with him. All attempts for the past year have been delayed or rejected.

To add insult to injury, Matt Chandler was invited, last minute, to speak Tuesday at the SBC about the New York Time’s article about Matt Chandler’s and The Village Church’s alleged mishandling of an abuse case with one of their youth ministers, Matthew Tonne. I couldn’t believe my eyes and my heart sank for my friends who, for months, had gone through every proper channel to be given a small space inside the convention center. Yet they were denied. And ignored. Meanwhile, yet another Southern Baptist pastor at the heart of an allegation of covering up abuse was given a microphone to defend his actions.

https://twitter.com/elizabethjdias/status/1138447242770178056?s=19

Lest my readers think I am being unfair or overly critical, my observation does not come in a vacuum. I personally reported my own father for sex abuse against minors and drove to the house of the parents of his victims immediately after I found out who his victims were. My wife and I wept with parents as I struggled to find the words to tell them over and over how sorry I was that my father had hurt their babies. And I live in Pennsylvania, where the biggest investigation into the Catholic church took place. I serve shoulder-to-shoulder with survivors from that report. I’ve been to Harrisburg on several occasions and have personally witnessed Attorney General Josh Shapiro drop everything and come out to hug survivors when he knows they’re present. AG Shapiro isn’t doing it for show. I’ve watched him greet each survivor by name. He knows who they are. He always thanks them for visiting. He happily gives them the space they need to talk, joins them, and smiles as he says that the capital is “our house.”

Attorney General Josh Shapiro speaks on behalf of abuse survivors. Rachael Denhollander spoke just a few minutes apart from AG Shapiro.

I am appalled that J.D. Greear didn’t take ten minutes to come out and greet these survivors. My heart breaks that these friends were pushed into a corner outside the convention and were ignored. I certainly credit Dr. Greear for all that he and the SBC have done to move this conversation forward. I really am grateful. And I want to see the SBC get this right. Honest to God above I do. I will proudly stand behind and cheer on those who are doing all that they can to right the wrongs of abusers and those who provide cover for them.

At the same time, I cannot ignore the fact that my friends were not given any acknowledgment or even a visit by Dr. Greear himself. The skepticism will continue, and for good reason. I pray that these survivors and advocates are given a voice. But they should be given more than that. The front row at the ERLC should have been reserved for these brave survivors. Dr. Greear should have invited them up, one by one, and said, “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. Thank you for being here and taking a courageous stand against evil. I stand with you. This is our house.”

I close with the same words of Dr. Greear I began this post with:

“One of the things I’ve learned from Rachael (Denhollander),
as well as other survivors, is that the strongest words,
without actions that follow up those words,
are worse than not saying words at all.”