Tag: abuse prevention

Posted on

A Safe Place: Guest Post by Pastor Gricel Medina & Ryan Ashton

safe church

EDITOR’S NOTE
The poor, sick, and oppressed flocked to Jesus by the thousands because He was safe. Sometimes He called people to follow Him. Other times people begged to follow Him and He sent them away to live in peace instead. Jesus didn’t elevate the invitation to church above justice and nurturing the wounded. This guest post is by two people whom I love dearly and who really understand what it is to provide a safe community for survivors of abuse. This is incredibly helpful.
—Jimmy Hinton

“Church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse because the way it is counseled is, more often than not, damaging to the victim…. It is with deep regret that I say the Church is one of the worst places to go for help.”
—Rachael Denhollander ¹


Never have the words “church is one of the least safe places” been so true as these past few years. From megachurches to non-denominational churches, Independent Fundamental Baptists to Southern Baptists, progressive to conservative, religious communities are full of tragedies we can no longer ignore. Listening to so many survivors tell their stories of the horrible ways they were treated by the Church leaves no doubt that churches have become some of the most unsafe places on the planet to be a survivor of abuse. Faith communities too often hide a toxic culture where abusers thrive and victims are shunned and silenced. The dismissiveness of those in authority, the isolation of the vulnerable, the imbalance of power, and the expectation to stay silent and “forgive” are realities we all must acknowledge. Our theology and Christ’s gospel have so often been hijacked by those who use it as a license for impunity rather than accountability, and church culture has become complicit by rewarding the silence of institutional protectionism. No one is safe under the current conditions of the Church today.


While walking with survivors we are often asked “what is a safe church? How will I know I’m ready to go back?”

According to the most recent statistics, one in three women and one in six men experience sexual abuse at some point in their lives.² In a congregation of 100 people, that is easily 25% of those who attend, and these numbers are most likely low estimates. If we include domestic violence, emotional or spiritual abuse, these numbers climb to as much as 40% according to some experts.³ This is important to understand because we all know a survivor of abuse, even if we do not yet realize it. Survivors are watching how we’ve been responding to #MeToo and other stories of abuse in our society, especially the tragedies currently involving the Church. 

However, some survivors taking a break from attending church becomes a problem for many Christians. For many survivors, taking a break from church meetings is the only alternative they have if they cannot find people they can trust. Abuse survivors can still believe in Jesus while being unable to engage a religious community where they would be reliving their deep and lasting traumas of spiritual, sexual, or emotional abuse inflicted by Christians in the Church.

While walking with survivors we are often asked “what is a safe church? How will I know I’m ready to go back?” Making the Church a safe place begins with us. We hope to provide some insight of what we have both learned about safe churches. 

Making Your Church a Safe Church

One of the worst things to say to a survivor is “there is no such thing as a perfect church.” This confusing of definitions belittle survivors. “Safe” is very different than “perfect.” People will always disappoint and hurt us in a fallen world, but enduring abuse is never an option we must settle for. Abuse or predatory behavior is never acceptable under any circumstance.

To boil it down to a simple definition, abuse is anything someone does to isolate, deflect, manipulate, or intimidate you. Abuse can be sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual, and many resources exist that explain what abuse looks like under a variety of contexts.

A safe church is one that does not tolerate any mistreatment of any member, whether it’s from a casual attendee to the highly-respected and gifted celebrity pastor. No one is above accountability in a safe church (cf. Matthew 18; 1 Timothy 5:19). Safe churches take every allegation seriously, report crimes immediately, do not silence or shame victims, and support victims with tangible resources. Most pastors are not equipped to counsel trauma victims and safe churches refer victims to professional therapy for their trauma. Safe churches recognize sadness and lament are appropriate responses to hurt and that anger is a correct response to injustice (cf. Psalm 82). Safe churches give space for victims to fully grieve their loss and betrayal and grieve with victims as a community (cf. Romans 12:15). Safe churches do not force people to conform to a false positivity (cf. 1 Corinthians 12:26). Safe places do not just hear what a victim is saying, but truly listen with empathetic hearts that are willing to learn. Walking with survivors is a long-term process and overcoming trauma is a lifelong journey. 

It is especially difficult for those with authoritative or dogmatic backgrounds to be willing to listen. We are tempted to give out advice on trauma which often comes from a place of discomfort seeking to quickly fix a person or situation. Yet trauma is not a superficial wound and cannot be quickly healed. As Christian therapist, Dr. Diane Langberg, says, victims need “talking, tears, and time.”⁴ Coercing forgiveness actually impedes the healing God is doing and is incredibly detrimental to survivors.

Abusers are master manipulators, using deception and deflection to appear as victims themselves.⁵  However, abusers cannot get the help they need unless people are willing to hold them accountable. This is extremely important when an abuser is someone in power, where it is hard to take a hurting victim seriously when the alleged perpetrator shines in the spotlight. Yet enough cases exist where horrendous abuse is overlooked because the abuser is likable, nice, or has a veneer of spirituality. When this pattern repeats itself over and over and a wake of victims demonstrate a long-term and willful ignorance, people always say “I wish I would have listened!” Yet when a leader who flees or resigns in disgrace, often only to reappear again in a different place, there are plenty of people who warn the pattern will continue, only to be dismissed. The truth is that church culture does not listen. We must be wiser than predators, and that begins with believing victims and ensuring every situation is properly handled with the right authorities.


Too often, victims suffer more from their faith community’s ignorance, lack of empathy, and the rush to quickly fix things, leaving deep and lasting wounds to someone already hurting.

A safe church is one that values the voices of survivors, knowing that when God heals a victim, they become a powerful agent for justice who always look out for others. Abuse is the last thing a community of Christ should enable, but often our communal desire for acceptance impairs our wisdom and discernment to see what is otherwise apparent. It is for this reason that God is faithful to send people to warn us—often survivors themselves—who can advise our communities on what to look for. They’ve lived through it, and know better than most what manipulation and abuse looks like. Similar to the prophets and prophetesses of old, God always provides His body with an immune system whose  priceless wisdom sees through a manipulator’s charm.

Addressing Church Culture

Christian institutions can become a culture of deceit because genuine spirituality is hard to measure. Image-conscious communities tend to reward the flashy, put-together people instead of standing with those who are broken. In contrast, a safe church is one where survivors are not isolated from everyone else and kept at an arm’s length, but are valued and included. We all come to Christ with baggage, and we even acquire hurts after believing in Him. Safe places understand and value the imperfections of human beings and are careful to discern the difference between someone’s involuntary trauma responses and “sin.” Safe churches do not confuse Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, hurt, or grief with sin, but have compassion. There are no accusations of “bitterness” or “unforgiveness” in a loving community. Too often, victims suffer more from their faith community’s ignorance, lack of empathy, and the rush to quickly fix things, leaving deep and lasting wounds to someone already hurting. 

When institutional change is required, safe churches embrace transparency and accountability and listen to the voices of victims. Repentance—both individual and corporate—takes time. Survivors are looking for places where the willingness to change culture supersedes the desire to maintain a damaging status quo. Predators have taken advantage of the havens Christians unwittingly made for them. The more we learn about abuse and trauma, the more every part of our society needs to adapt—from politics, workplaces, homes, and churches.

Churches need to rethink how to approach authority since no one is infallible, including leaders. In some circles, the pastor has arrogantly replaced the Holy Spirit, and our expected obeisance often approaches idolatry. Every one of us is responsible for making our faith communities safe places for the vulnerable, and that requires understanding how social influence, peer pressure, and coercive control works in churches. We all experience the effects of socialization without realizing it, much as a fish experiences wetness. We should never ignore the red flags that raise internal alarms. If something seems wrong, it is worth paying attention to. We have all been given the ability to discern between good and evil and are responsible to do so. (Cf. 1 John 4:1; 1Thessalonians 5:20-21)

Prevention & Education

Beyond caring for survivors in our midst, do our churches equip themselves with the best practices on prevention? Are we aware of national organizations like GRACE or local resources that can empower our faith communities implement policies that protect the vulnerable? 

Some questions we need to ask include inquiring of our church leaders whether there is an abuse prevention policy at all. If there isn’t one, that’s a problem; if your church leadership is evasive about providing you with it, that’s another problem. Do we have competent and properly vetted volunteers? Do we perform background checks on a yearly basis? Since many abusers are not caught, do we look for behaviors rather than rely solely on background checks? Are there at least two to three volunteers with children at all times? Are bathroom visits for children supervised with more than one volunteer? Are there windows in the nursery and classrooms? Do we have board members or elders who are able to disagree with the pastor and hold them accountable? Do we adequately support spouses if they come forward with a domestic violence complaint? How do we respond if we fail? 

Conclusion

Rather than expect survivors to attend your church, do whatever you can to make your church a safe place. Survivors will come when they are ready. Realize that because God is everywhere, He has not abandoned survivors. Psalm 139 among many other passages should be the confidence we rely on for God’s continuing presence in the believer who cannot attend church services. God is not angry or annoyed with victims, and neither should we be as the Church. God is near the broken-hearted (cf. Psalm 34). Building a safe church requires us to be safe people, those who reflect the unconditional love of God. 

These words of wisdom from F. Remy Diederich’s Broken Trust are particularly helpful for those wondering how to approach the Christian who is no longer attending church services: 

“Resist the temptation or sense of obligation to return to your former group, or any organized religion, right away. When you come out of a performance-based setting, you will naturally feel the need to be a ‘good Christian’ and return. 

“Part of the sickness of spiritual abuse is that it demands an unhealthy dependence on a person, or organization, rather than on God. Taking a break from organized religion is a good way to prove to yourself that you can survive with God alone. Well-meaning believers will tell you that you must be in a fellowship of faith. It’s dangerous to isolate yourself from the Body of Christ. All kinds of problems will result if you aren’t a part of a community of believers. Nonsense. That’s like telling someone who just came out of an abusive marriage to get married right away. In both scenarios, a person needs time to reflect on what just happened. Their soul needs to be repaired before re-engaging.

“Spiritual safety doesn’t come from organized religion. It comes from the Spirit of God living inside of you. Being a member of a faith community can certainly help you, and it’s my hope that you will one day return to be an active member of a healthy community, but you can survive a season without one. Just like a wounded athlete has to leave the game to tend to their injury, so there are times when a wounded believer needs to leave their faith community. In both cases, the goal is to return. What your well-meaning friends don’t understand are the raw feelings people often have after a spiritually abusive experience. Going to worship too soon can actually be traumatic. You might be surprised how sensitive you are to experiences that remind you of the past abuse. Give yourself permission to take a sabbatical from organized religion so your broken trust can be repaired.”

Be that safe person—that love of God incarnate. As Dr. Diane Langberg writes in The Spiritual Impact of Sexual Abuse: 

“In other words, we are to demonstrate in the flesh the character of God over time so that who we are reveals the truth about God to the survivor. This is not in any way to deny or underestimate the Word of God. However, often the Word needs to be fleshed out and not just spoken for us to truly grasp what it means. 

“This work is both difficult and a great privilege. The task of serving as a representative of God so that His character can be grasped and believed is far beyond any capability of yours or mine. It is a work that will bring us to our knees if we let it, with hearts hungry for more of God so that we might bring His presence in very concrete ways into places where He has not yet been known.”

In those places of darkness, despair, and excruciating pain, Jesus is there. He never leaves us or forsakes us. We have found that it is in the darkness that some of the most sacred church services are found wherever love is graciously displayed. You do not need a church building to be that safe place. 

Gricel Medina is a pastor, speaker, writer, and advocate who has planted three churches and leads a prayer movement for the MidSouth Conference. Pastor Medina has written for several widely distributed Spanish and English magazines, devotionals, and blogs, including Covenant Companion. She is a regular writer for the award-winning magazine, Mutuality, and the CBE blog Arise. Pastor Medina has been a speaker for CBE International Conference and The Courage Conference.
Twitter: @pastorgricel

Ryan Ashton is a survivor, advocate, and graphic designer. A 2018 graduate from Bob Jones University (BFA, Graphic Design), Ryan is the Director of Technology and Social Media for GRACE and the Creative Director for The Courage Conference. Ryan currently volunteers with Greenville’s Julie Valentine Center as a sexual assault victim advocate.
Twitter: @ryanllashton

References

[1] Lee, Morgan. “My Larry Nassar Testimony Went Viral. But There’s More to the Gospel Than Forgiveness.” Christian History | Learn the History of Christianity & the Church, Christianity Today, www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/january-web-only/rachael-denhollander-larry-nassar-forgiveness-gospel.html. Accessed 15 Jan. 2019.
[2] “Sexual Assault in the United States.” Sexual Assault Statistics | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), www.nsvrc.org/statistics.
[3] “Interview with Rachael Denhollander about Pastors Protecting Children and Advocating for Victims.” Practical Shepherding, 15 Feb. 2018, practicalshepherding.com/2019/02/14/interview-with-rachael-denhollander-about-pastors-protecting-children-and-advocating-for-victims/.
[4] “A Visit from Dr. Diane Langberg.” Helping Up Mission, 11 May 2017, helpingupmission.org/2017/05/langberg/. Accessed 18 Feb. 2019.
[5] “What Is DARVO?” Commentary: Loftus, Bugs Bunny, Memory, & Media, Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, Stanford University, https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineDARVO.html?fbclid=IwAR2A9jTrqhzHHliPt0GxdZZDBPX5yl6-a_idcFthXIB05dYj8prcU8q3NUk#Short%20Definition. Accessed 18 Feb. 2019.

Posted on

Preventing Abuse: There Are No Monsters

I’m working my way through Gavin De Becker’s excellent book, The Gift of Fear. De Becker works with the highest ranking government officials, including presidents, to assess risk of violent behavior. He created the MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems, which is still used by the CIA, high profile public figures, and the public. Though De Becker specializes in predicting violent behavior, many of the principles should be applied to predicting child sexual abuse.

My experience working with churches tells me that they are generally way too trusting of everyone. The majority of church leaders I speak with equate kindness with morality and trustworthiness, they have a high level of naivety when it comes to protection of children, they are oftentimes strongly resistant to making drastic policy changes that include background checks on all volunteers and accountability for volunteers working with children, and they believe that they would be able to detect an abuser if he was among them. Put another way, they believe that abusers look like monsters and therefore are easy to spot. I might add that this is not a problem that’s isolated with churches. Daycares, schools, camps, and people employing babysitters are just as trusting of individuals.

But, as De Becker rightly observes, it’s precisely because we are looking for monsters that we are such good targets. In fact, abusers are not monsters at all. They are people like you and I. They look like us, talk like us, dress like us, work like us, pray like us, and are likely some of our best friends or family members. Because we don’t want to believe that people we personally know are capable of such crimes, we hear things in the news like, “He was such a nice man. I still don’t believe he was capable of doing such bad things. He must have just snapped.” De Becker’s point is that, simply because we ourselves wouldn’t commit a certain crime, we don’t want to fathom that our close friends would either. He says:
Every day people engaged in the clever defiance of their own intuition become, in midthought, victims of violence and accidents. So when we wonder why we are victims so often, the answer is clear: It is because we are so good at it. A woman could offer no greater cooperation to her soon-to-be attacker than to spend her time telling herself, “But he seems like such a nice man” (De Becker, 30).

Point well taken. It’s so important for us to realize that real crimes are committed by real people who don’t necessarily look like whack-jobs. De Becker adds:
So, even in a gathering of aberrant murderers there is something of you and me. When we accept this, we are more likely to recognize the rapist who tries to con his way into our home, the child molester who applies to be a baby-sitter, the spousal killer at the office, the assassin in the crowd. When we accept that violence is committed by people who look and act like people, we silence the voice of denial, the voice that whispers, “This guy doesn’t look like a killer” (De Becker, 46).

He recommends doing the exact opposite of what we are doing every day–we need to observe behaviors, not personalities. Crimes are never created out of thin air. People don’t just “snap.” There are always behavioral indicators prior to acting out. This applies to murderers and it applies to child molesters. We need to be more observant of behavioral patterns that indicate problems and malevolence. I recently had a person give me a laundry list of red flag behavioral issues with a man at church–he’s giving gifts to young kids, he offers to baby sit, he takes particular interest in certain kids, he tries to isolate them by offering rides, he invites them to his house, etc. I explained that he is very high risk and should be removed from activities which include children, to which this person replied, “But he’s so nice and is highly respected by everyone.” My response was, “So what?”

So many of us fall into the trap of believing that abusers look like monsters, that we don’t even want to entertain the possibility of abuse and so our interpretation of certain behaviors becomes tainted. Consider the questions we ask the applicant for the baby sitting job or the Youth Leader position at church–Are you good with children? What are your strengths? What is your experience working with kids in the past? These questions tell us nothing of their behaviors with children. Nor do they put a would-be abuser on the spot so that we can observe their mannerisms in real time. Should we not be asking questions like, “Do you have any sexual attraction to children? Have you ever physically touched a child inappropriately or thought about doing so? Have you ever viewed child pornography? What would you do if you felt a child was soliciting sex?, etc. We can learn a lot about a person by asking the right questions. A 3 second pause or a shift in the chair can reveal a lot of information. But rare is it that I speak to people who are asking these kinds of questions. We’ve got to do a much better job at prediction and prevention of abuse.

If you don’t believe me, take it from an abuser himself. I recently visited my dad in prison and he had this to say, “Two things shocked me each and every time I abused a victim–How easy it was to get a child to act out sexually and how easy it was to get away with it.” He is absolutely right, to our shame.

Posted on

I Teach My Kids to Hate (And You Should Too)

The Bible, through the words of Jesus, instructs us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44). If your enemy is hungry, we are told to feed him. If he is thirsty, we should give him drink (Romans 12:20). Point well taken. But the Bible also gives us another vital instruction. It’s one that we don’t take seriously enough, in my opinion. We don’t even like the word. Yes it’s true; we are told to hate. We’re not instructed to hate people, but to hate what is evil. Romans 12:9 (NIV) says, “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” This particular word for hate appears only here in all of the Bible. It is the strongest word for hate. It literally means “to have a vehement dislike for something.” It is likened to a state of rage. In contrast, we are to “cling” to what is good. That word means something like “being glued to; to be inseparable.”

Do we have a vehement hatred for evil? I mean, really–does the thought of evil make us rage inside? I’m not so convinced that it does. Neither am I convinced that we’re teaching our kids to hate evil. Let me give a little backdrop for why I hate evil. When I read story after endless story of abuse, especially abuse of children, something snaps inside of me. After hearing stories of shame, humiliation, and torture, Evil is no longer an abstract concept. It becomes personal. Extremely personal. People sometimes ask me, “Why do you subject yourself to all these stories of abuse and surround yourself with people who have been abused?” My answer is, “Why do you not?” Avoidance makes abuse no less real to the people it’s actually happening to. The vast majority of people in our nation choose to ignore this evil, and so it continues.

In my frequent travels, I hear lots of gut-wrenching stories of young children being sexualized and used for pervert predators’ own little sex experiments. Let me be clear–this is not an “attraction” or “addiction.” It is evil. Pure wickedness. Attraction means exactly that–someone is attracted, for whatever reason (I’m not arguing causality here), to children. Attraction turns evil when there is intent to act out. The word “addiction” does not properly explain child molestation either. There is a vast difference between addiction and abuse. Addiction is a craving for something. Abuse is a craving to act out on someone. Children are not drugs. They are humans. They have a soul. They are precious. When they are used, manipulated, sexualized, tortured, emotionally screwed with, brought to orgasm, forced to perform sex acts on adults, and thrown out, we cannot ethically say, “Boy, Eric was addicted to Jennifer.” Let’s not cheapen the child by referring to molestation as an “addiction.” Acting out on a child is always evil because every time molestation happens, an innocent child is harmed.

I am very cautiously optimistic about the epidemic of child sex abuse. The optimistic part comes from shaking hands with people like myself who are speaking out against abuse on a national (and some an international) level. Many people are listening and are willing to take strong measures to prevent abuse. This is commendable and hopeful. The very cautiously part comes from my experience speaking at churches. Church leaders are generally still naïve and are way too willing to give people the benefit of doubt. This reduces the likelihood of church leaders reporting suspected abuse in a timely manner. In fact, I’ve witnessed on several occasions strong resistance by church leaders to report alleged abusers because “they just don’t seem like the kind of guy who would do something like that.” I often tell people who respond this way not to confuse their desire for people to be pure and innocent with them actually being pure and innocent. I could wish all day long that my own father had not committed atrocities against multiple children. But that doesn’t change the fact that he actually did. We’ve got to stop pretending like evil is not around us. We can’t cower in fear, either.

Ephesians 5:11 says, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” And so we unapologetically expose the works of darkness and shed light on the people who are abusing children in the dark. But more than exposing this darkness, we hate the evil. And we should have no embarrassment or apology for teaching our children to hate what is evil and cling to what is good. Let’s start raising up the next generation to be kind, loving, and opposed to evil.

Posted on

Hiding in Plain Sight

How aware are we of our surroundings at any given time? I confess that I’m a people observer. I always have been. When I go into public places, I’m always looking around to the point of distraction. What am I looking for? Mostly danger–anyone pacing nervously, anyone with their hands in wrong places, children who look uneasy around their guardians, unscrupulous characters–those sorts of things. I go into full ADHD mode when I’m out. You know those leashes that they make for kids? Well, I should have to wear one when I go out with my wife so she doesn’t lose me.

Why am I so attentive? You could argue that it’s paranoia, but I assure you that I’m not a paranoid person. But I do like to be aware of my surroundings. Maybe we should all be more aware of our surroundings. I can remember working at a Pennzoil oil shop when I was attending seminary. One day our boss pulled us all together and said, “Did any of you see a suspicious guy at the carwash yesterday?” None of us had. He went on to explain that the police stopped at the shop and wanted the video tapes because a college girl was vacuuming her car when she noticed a man snapping pictures of her while masturbating. To my knowledge, they never found the guy.

I recall a time last year when my wife and then 2 year old daughter were with our in-laws at a shopping mall in Grand Rapids. As our daughter was riding the carousel with grandma and grandpa, I noticed a man sitting next to the carousel who looked out of place. The more I watched him, the more I noticed he was infatuated with some young girls riding the carousel. I told my brother-in-law to watch this man’s face when these 2 girls came around. It was disturbing. I reported the man to the carousel operator and she said, “Come to think of it, this man was sitting in the same spot for several hours last night.” After I reported him, she called security on him.

Were these girls’ parents aware that their daughters had a pedo-fantasizer mentally undressing their daughters? From my perspective, they didn’t have a clue. This type of thing happens millions of times a day at any given time. Remember Jaycee Lee Dugard? She was abducted by sex offender Phillip Garrido and his wife in 1991 and was held captive in his back yard until discovered in 2009. He did what was a common tactic of many pedophiles–the old “I’m filming something interesting here” trick while actually shooting footage of children. Watch this clip beginning at the 2:30 mark:

This is not an uncommon tactic. Some are more obvious than others. This story is about a pedophile giving a nice Valentine’s treat to a Gresham, OR man’s 5 & 8 year old daughters while walking to the school bus stop. The father recalls: “I saw a guy in a silver car with four doors and he didn’t belong around here. He was staring at my daughters funny.” So he walked around the car to see what the man was doing. You guessed it, he was caught in the act of masturbating. The dad punched the man then the man drove off.

How does this stuff happen so often? I can assure you that I barely scratch the surface of this epidemic through this website. As the son of a pedophile, I can assure you that they truly are hiding in plain sight, a term I borrow from this 1988 article about pedophile preacher Tony Leyva. He sexually abused 100 young boys, but investigators estimate he actually abused around 800 victims. “Brother Tony” was a Pentecostal preacher who spent his time on the road as a very famous evangelist. He passed the boys around a pedophile prostitution ring of other preachers, an organist, and government officials. How does one person sexually assault 800 victims before getting caught? Unfortunately, these numbers are not unique. Statistics are staggering. Pedophiles truly are hiding in plain sight.

We’ve got to be more attentive to our surroundings. We’ve got to be louder. We’ve got to stand up for justice and prevention. If you want to find out what you can be doing within your own communities, you can register for my free 3 hour webinar here. I’ll have guest Les Ferguson, Jr. joining the discussion in the last hour. It’s from 9AM-12 Noon eastern this Saturday. The webinar is open, so you can join it at any time within that 3 hour period. This option is for those who cannot attend the entire webinar but who would still want to hear part of it.

See some of you on Saturday!

Posted on

Protecting Your Kids: Preventive Tools For Parents

There’s an irony that comes with technology, convenience, and efficiency–the more “advanced” we become, the more fragmented our knowledge is and the more socially isolated we become. Unfortunately, isolation of children makes them vulnerable targets for abusers, and it certainly doesn’t make for healthy relationships within the family structure. Here’s a great video to illustrate how social media actually makes us more isolated:

A professor once told our counseling class that being BUSY is an acronym for Being Under Satan’s Yoke. It would take me a few years to find out just how prophetic that statement was. Ecclesiastes 5:3 says, “For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words” (yes, it does say business, not busyness. . . but much business creates much busyness!). In a time-crunched environment, I’ve found that busyness is something that keeps many of us educators from finding the time to network our resources for protecting children. I get asked a lot, “What are some resources that you can point us to?” To be honest, I find myself asking that same question. The frustration at the lack of a clear pooling of resources has actually been motivating. I’d like to work on a project to create a network of resources–from prevention of abuse to what constitutes good organizational policies, to what steps to take for finding and funding victim counseling, etc. The good news is that there are a lot of resources out there. The bad news is that, for now, there’s no good networking of these resources that I’m aware of. I’d like to change that.

As for now, I don’t have such a tool developed. Therefore, when I come across valuable resources, I will highlight them via my blog. Today I’d like to highlight the work of Lauren Book. She is a survivor of child sex abuse and I just finished her memoir on abuse titled It’s OK to Tell: A Story of Hope And Recovery. The book is excellent and I highly recommend it. Lauren took the worst imaginable experience and has turned it into an opportunity to arm children with the tools to prevent abuse from happening to them. She is the founder of Lauren’s Kids. Their mission is “To prevent sexual abuse through awareness and education, and to help survivors heal with guidance and support.” She and her dad have successfully lobbied for funding to keep counseling centers for the sexually abused opened in Florida.

I’m also impressed with the curriculum that Lauren has gotten into the schools in Florida. I checked out her Safer, Smarter Kids for parents and was really impressed. I highly, highly recommend spending some time on Lauren’s site, viewing the curriculum, and going over it with your children. When I speak places, a question that always arises comes from parents of young children. They want to know to know what they should be teaching their kids and how they can arm their kids with knowledge to prevent abuse. Fortunately, now I can point them to another great resource!

If any of you know of other great resources out there, please let me know via the comments section.