Make no mistake: abuse is rampant during the COVID pandemic. Not surprisingly, there has been a dramatic increase in online exploitation and trafficking of children. In 2019, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children received 16.9 million reports, and the majority of them were related to apparent child sexual material, online enticement, child sex trafficking, and child sexual molestation. That was 2019. This year, those numbers have exploded. Forbes had an article at the beginning of the COVID crisis called Child Exploitation Complaints Rise 106% To Hit 2 Million In Just One Month: Is COVID-19 To Blame? Our children are more vulnerable to predators than they’ve ever been, for a variety of reasons.
Every report I read and every advocate, counselor, and doctor I speak with says the same thing–abuse is dramatically increasing, especially among children. The problem is exasperated by unrest and violence across the nation. I recently spoke with agents from Homeland Security and the US Marshals and they told me that only the most severe cases of abuse are being looked at while all others are being flat-out ignored. Law enforcement and federal agencies are overwhelmed and are reaching a breaking point. NYPD had to limit retirement applications earlier last month after receiving a more than 400% increase in requests. Court proceedings are convening online, and many cases are falling through the cracks as a result. Elected officials are releasing dangerous sex offenders into the streets because apparently that’s safer for our communities than said offenders getting sick in prison. In April, Orange County California gave seven very dangerous sexual predators early release. Orange County is not the only one releasing dangerous criminals. This is happening all over the US and politicians who are doing this need to be held accountable.
The list could go on and on. My mom and I have dedicated quite a few podcasts to our growing concern about abuse during quarantines. There are many days where I lose hope. I lose hope because our system is badly broken and overburdened to begin with. It takes a tremendous amount of time, money, and resources to convict people of sex crimes. That’s assuming they were caught in the first place. Right now, every agency is overwhelmed. My friends who work in sex crimes divisions throughout various agencies tell me that they are burned out. Abusers are openly talking about exploiting children. They no longer have to hide because they know the risk of getting caught has plummeted. Many schools are not opening in-person classes in the fall. This leaves already battered, molested, and terrified children even more vulnerable. This, too, makes me lose hope.
But I also have hope. While on vacation recently I saw families out and about, smiling and laughing. Every person we encountered was kind and many went out of their way to talk to us. More people are spending time outside and recreation businesses are booming. Advocacy centers are very aware of the vulnerability of children right now and are being proactive by checking in on families. Every police officer, federal agent, and case worker I talk to are super kind, helpful, and are thankful for communication.
I’ve witnessed people working hard to provide online training, since many in-person trainings cannot take place. Operation Underground Railroad is actively rescuing human trafficking victims all over the world. That organization alone is raising awareness and people are paying attention. Today the Justice Department is announcing $35 million in grants for housing assistance to victims of human trafficking.
I have hope because people are openly talking about abuse like never before. Victims are being empowered to speak up. Several states opened up a one to two year window that allows victims to file lawsuits against organizations that covered up their abuse. I have hope because I don’t believe that people are going to keep remaining silent. Just yesterday Jerry Fallwell Jr. posted, then deleted, highly inappropriate photos of him partying on a yacht. The public is outraged and is demanding his immediate firing from Liberty University. The days of this kind of gross public behavior are over. People have had enough and are going to keep calling out people for being gross and demoralizing others. And so I have hope.
When I lived in Arkansas, I worked at an oil changing shop. There was one customer in particular who made us cringe every time he pulled up to the shop. He owned a used car lot and reminded me of Harry Wormwood from the 1996 movie Matilda. “Push ‘er in there, boys!,” he would tell us. “The transmission is slipping too bad to start from a dead stop. We gotta push it in!” The car salesman was getting a transmission flush at our shop to temporarily get the bad transmission working long enough to make a sale. It’s a very dishonest move that probably happens more often than people realize. When customers test drive the car, it runs smoothly after a transmission flush. But the clutch plates inside the transmission are already worn out so the flush doesn’t actually fix anything. Within a matter of months, the transmission inevitably breaks apart. Transmissions cost thousands of dollars to replace, and unsuspecting customers are left with a broken down car and a repair bill that will cost $3,000 or more to get it fixed.
Had the salesman at our shop been honest, he would have either told customers that the transmission was bad and sold the car as is for a reduced price or would have had his mechanics rebuild the transmission and charge more for the car. But he didn’t do either of those things. With snake oil dripping off his suit, he chose to lie and deceive, giving unsuspecting customers the illusion that the car posed no risk to the new owner. I often thought about who the victims were of the dishonest salesman. Were they single moms who scraped all they had together in order to purchase a car so they could have transportation to their job? Were they teenagers, excited to own their very first car? Regardless of who the victims were, the fact is that this man’s dishonesty was putting people out of thousands of dollars while he was getting richer.
If this bothers us, it should. When I see churches intentionally hide sex offenders in the church, I can’t help but to see similarities between them and the dishonest car salesman. Many survivors of abuse and concerned church members contact me quite often to say that their leaders allow sex offenders to join the church but refuse to inform the church of their sex offender status. In fact, churches often will go out of their way to keep sex offenders anonymous, protecting them while placing every child at risk. Another common scenario is when someone is credibly accused of molesting children but the leaders refuse to report it to police, even though they are mandated reporters.
In essence, what leaders are doing is no different than what the dishonest car salesman did. When leaders behave this way, they’re giving the false impression that the abuser has a clean past with no criminal history. The reality is that the abusers are ticking time bombs. The reality is that they do have a history of abusing children. Can’t we at least agree that it is dishonest to pretend that the person is in tip-top shape? And remember, we’re not talking about cars here. We’re talking about real people! Real children are being raped and molested, having their lives altered forever by their abusers. And this, all because churches are giving the false impression that these people are safe.
If we take the above scene from Matilda and apply it to church leaders who tidy up abusers to the church, it’s eerily prophetic. Harry Wormwood tells his kids, “We really should weld these bumpers on. But that takes time, equipment, money. So, we use Super Super Glue instead.” Matilda asks, “Isn’t that dangerous?” Harry barks back, “Not to me, OK?” When she tells him that what he’s doing is dishonest and illegal, he gives his staple reply that’s reminiscent of leaders who run roughshod over concerned members: “I’m smart, you’re dumb. I’m big, you’re little. I’m right, you’re wrong. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
I think it’s wrong for churches to package these practices as “grace” when it’s quite the opposite. It’s dishonest. Failing to inform the church of an abuser’s history of abuse is putting others at risk. Last year I wrote a post about J.D. Greear’s Summit Church’s policy on registered sex offenders. Their policy is linked to as a resource in the SBC’s Caring Well curriculum, touting it as a model policy. You can read my post, which has a copy of Summit Church’s policy embedded. In short, Summit Church makes it clear that only certain leaders will be notified of the sex offender status while church members are asked to “sacrifice peace of mind” that comes with keeping sex offenders away from church where their children attend. Harry Wormwood could have written the policy, and Caring Well is supposed to be the SBC’s gold standard for teaching other churches how to prevent and handle abuse.
It should not surprise anyone, then, that once again Summit Church is making waves. On June 1st, Summit Church hired Bryan Loritts, who allegedly destroyed cell phone evidence when his brother-in-law took voyeuristic videos of approximately one hundred victims when he was at Fellowship Memphis ten years ago. Julie Roys spoke with Jennifer Baker, a victim of Loritts’ brother-in-law, Rick Trotter. Jennifer and another witness from Fellowship Memphis called Summit Church to express concerns about Loritts. Jennifer Baker told Julie Roys, “Shame on Summit for taking a full hour to meet with Greg and (me) ‘to gain more insight and information,’ and then put out this blatantly false statement in complete contradiction to what we testified and what we spelled out for them.”
Church leaders need to do better. We’ve got to be more honest. Churches who invite abusers in should at least offer disclaimers when having anything to do with sex offenders and those who protect and defend them. Otherwise, the message that’s sent to church members may as well be the same as Harry Wormwood: “I’m smart, you’re dumb. I’m big, you’re little. I’m right, you’re wrong. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
I am not attacking church leaders here. I’m a church leader myself, and I’m begging them to repent and reconsider these policies. We’ve got to understand how these policies look to church members. More importantly, we need to see what message this communicates to abuse survivors. When people’s lives have been wrecked by dangerous predators, it makes no sense when those same predators are painted as safe or righteous when they have a history of abusing minor children.
If churches want to accept sexual predators into their worship service, that’s entirely up to them. It’s not what I would do, but I cannot tell other churches what to do. If the policy is to allow sexual predators to attend, though, the very least they can do is have enough decency to tell the church who the predator is and what his or her history of abuse is. If they are on the sex offender registry, print it off and hand it to church members. A repentant sex offender will thank leaders who inform the church. More importantly, a repentant abuser will have absolutely nothing to hide. A non-repentant one, however, will shame you. Be honest about someone’s bad behaviors and criminal activity. Parents of children will thank you.
“Look around the courtroom. Remember what you have witnessed these past seven days. This is what it looks like when institutions create a culture where a predator can flourish unafraid and unabated. And this is what it looks like when people in authority refuse to listen; put friendships in front of truth, fail to create or enforce proper policy, and fail to hold enablers accountable” – Rachael Denhollander speaking of the hundreds of Larry Nassar’s victims who should have been spared.
Rachael Denhollander statement at Nassar Sentencing January 24, 2018
The sad reality is that many people, myself included, see what it looks like when abusers are hidden within churches and institutions in the name of “grace.” I thought back to Rachael’s words when I spoke over the phone with Kyle Cowden a few days ago. He reached out to me after listening to one of my podcasts and wanted to share his frustration with our nation’s broken sex offender registry and the church’s covering up of abuse. He has officially lost track of the serial abuser who molested his daughter. We connected and he told me about his daughter Rena’s abuse that happened in 1995 at Webb Chapel Church of Christ in Farmer’s Branch, TX. Rena was thirteen. James Apple, her abuser, was fifteen.
When Kyle found out his young daughter was abused, he approached the elders, one of whom was the father of the perpetrator. Kyle’s family was gossiped about and Rena and other victims of James were ostracized by the congregation. Kyle only became more emboldened to fight for his little girl. The elders, despite being mandated reporters, never went to the police. It was Rena’s mom and dad who reported to police. James Apple served two years probation for Rena’s case. Kyle’s gut feeling would prove to be right. More victims were discovered and, in 2000 James was given a six year prison sentence. He is listed as a high risk offender in Texas and is a lifetime registrant-a registration that is only reserved for those deemed to be unsafe for the rest of their lives.
I used to wonder if church leaders who give abusers free reign simply don’t know how dangerous they really are. Perhaps it’s a matter of ignorance, I thought. Sadly, this isn’t the case with Rena’s abuse. She lamented, “When the elders found out, they requested that I write a letter describing what happened. It took three pages and when it wasn’t reported, I felt so betrayed.”
Of course she did. They got to read the most humiliating details of what happened to her, only to turn around and accuse her of making up allegations that weren’t true. This wasn’t the only time she had to tell humiliating details of how her abuser had forced himself onto her. The police report is only one paragraph containing details that Rena shared. After rumors kept circulating, Rena and the other girls were asked by the elders to write letters. Rena’s was three pages long. And they still didn’t report, despite being required to do so by law.
Neither did they tell the church. According to Kyle, the elders were divided. Some thought the congregation should know. Others were adamant that the leaders handle it internally. According to Kyle, “We were chastised for pressing charges even after the DA had told us we could be charged for not reporting to them as soon as we knew and reporting to the elders instead. Hubert Smith was the most vocal and had called my wife when he knew I was on shift and chastised her for trying to “ruin James’ life. We also had our advocates, Bill Keith, Dan Camp and Don Petty (eventually).”
Rena recalled, “After charges were filed, it went to court pretty quickly. His attorney asked me what I was wearing and how far my legs were spread when he was abusing me.” As is common, Rena remembers the courtroom being pretty full. When I asked if the spectators were there to support her, she said, “I don’t remember anyone besides by family coming to support me. They were either there to support James or were just curious.”
Kyle pushed and pushed, and eventually was permitted to read a letter to the church that he had written about their ordeal. James Apple’s victims and their mothers who went forward as Kyle read the letter filled two pews. When James Apple was arrested, angry church members continued pointing the finger at Rena’s family for “making up false allegations.”
Webb Chapel wasn’t the only church organization to cover up James Apple’s abusive behavior. Kyle described an event when he was at a Christian camp at about the same time his daughter was abused:
“I was the camp medic assigned my own cabin as I would be seeing campers in a medical setting. James and another boy (who were like “junior counselors” to younger boys) were suddenly moved into my cabin for “inappropriate” conversations. It was later, maybe a year, that we held camp in Cisco, TX. James’ father was there and I was told that he had reassigned James because “something had occurred”. It was years later that the youth minister intern, now a pulpit minister, was tearfully telling me how awful James had been and how mad he was because he wasn’t allowed to have him removed and how his dad had intimidated him and anyone else that knew about it.“
After Kyle’s letter was read to the church the Apples quit attending church. A simple announcement was made from the pulpit that “the Apples will no longer be attending Webb Chapel.” The Apples moved to Prestoncrest Church of Christ in Dallas. Much to Kyle’s surprise, “My wife saw something showing James was involved in the youth ministry and called them. She was chastised for gossiping. I read where Ron was up for an eldership there and called. Their pulpit minister and one of their elders asked me to come in. They then told me they were well aware of the “persecution” James and the Apples were receiving and I should repent of gossiping and pursuing my agenda.“
Kyle and Rena have attempted to know where James is, because they feel it is their duty to warn other parents. Rena tells me that Apple had several aliases on Facebook and even attempted to friend her. A few years ago, Rena was shocked when her mom discovered a picture of her abuser at a Chuck E Cheese in Washington state. Apple, a lifetime registrant, is not on Washinton’s sex offender registry, despite being a resident there. Rena went so far as to call Washington state police and send police reports and records of her abuse. They finally told her, “Sorry, there’s nothing we can do.” Kyle also notified the local sheriff. He seemed sympathetic and asked for more information. Kyle sent James’ records along with a brief description of what happened to his daughter Rena. Nothing was ever done to put James on Washington’s sex offender registry. Rena and her father both told me that they are sick not knowing where he is or what church he may have been able to reinvent himself inside of.
If this were the only case I had come across, I’d be mortified enough. It is not. Last year I received an anonymous message from an abuse survivor who attended Downtown Church of Christ in Searcy, AR-a church that I attended for several years while in college and seminary. The survivor told me that a man had really set off all her alarms and that he stuck out like a sore thumb, in a church of well over 1,000 people. She looked up the Arkansas sex offender registry only to be mortified that he was listed as a tier 3 offender. According to the Rogers, AR government website, tier three offenders “have a history of repeat sexual offending, and/or strong antisocial, violent, or predatory personality characteristics,” and require notification throughout the community.
Mr. Smith was a minister and doubled as a youth leader when he abused multiple little girls, including his own daughter Leachelle. Leachelle bravely wrote about her story in June. Last year, as soon as I was notified anonymously, I contacted the church’s minister, a former Bible professor of mine. I informed him that a church member found out about this dangerous predator who was actively involved in the life of the church, and that she was aware that at least some of the elders knew of this sex offender but had not informed the church. I’ve been down this road many times with churches and suspected what kind of response I’d receive. An elder from that church returned an email to me informing me that they take the protection of all seriously and that they “do not require our members wear their past sin on a label or announce it to the world unless they choose to do so.” I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest people not hold their breath waiting for a high risk serial offender to voluntarily inform a church with hundreds of minor children that he is on the sex offender registry.
The line that jumped off the page was, “If you know of some specific current activity or behavior of the person named in your e-mail to _____, please respond directly to _____ and _____.” If I know of some specific current activity!? I live 1,000 miles away! I never met this offender, though his family members inform me that he did premarital counseling for a couple at Downtown–a direct violation of probation. He and his wife also baby sit some children who are family members. And trust that if I hear of any “current activity,” the church will be very far down my list of people I will be contacting about it. Tier 3 offenders must remain on the registry forever because of violent, predatory behavior.
Notification must be made to any member of the community whom the offender is likely to encounter, based on the offender’s prior history, recreational or religious interests, employment, or the characteristics of the offender’s victims.
The problem is that the website doesn’t spell out exactly who is supposed to do the notifying, when they do it, or how often. State police are supposed to, but this often does not happen. For example, we had a Tier 3 sexually violent predator move in just a few feet from my church office window. Pennsylvania law requires everyone within a one mile radius to receive a flyer from police. We were never informed. I only found out by checking the registry, which I do every few months. Another problem in Arkansas is that individuals and agencies who are notified by law are not authorized to notify people within and apparently can use their own judgment as to who “has a need to know” within the agency. This is ambiguous. Who are the ones who “have a need to know” within any agency? In most cases, this is interpreted as the leadership only.
Notification given to any individual or agency does not authorize that individual or agency to disseminate information beyond those residing with the individual, or beyond those who have a need to know within the agency.
I believe that parents of minor children within an agency have a need to know, and should always be notified when a high risk predator is a member of a church. What those parents do with that information is entirely up to them, but shouldn’t they have a right to know? Furthermore, a repentant serial offender would be completely transparent and would ask that his information be shared so that there is never a chance he or she could gain access to children again. I am not alone in this thinking. Nor am I the only one who notified Downtown with concerns. Christine Fox Parker is a survivor advocate, has 27 years ministry experience, spent several years as a therapist at a private practice where she developed a specialty in trauma stemming from abuse at the hands of church leaders, and is the founder, president and executive director of PorchSwing Ministries. She and her son, a former member at Downtown, met with an elder in person to express the urgency for parents at the congregation to be notified. Christine told me that the response was similar to what I received–the elders take the protection of everyone seriously and are monitoring the abuser.
Leachelle (the abuser’s own daughter) has sent multiple emails to the elders begging them to notify unsuspecting parents about her father and was assured that, though they empathize with her as a survivor, they will not notify the congregation.
What purpose does a public registry serve if church leaders are able to and choose to ignore it? None of us suggested that the elders remove Mr. Smith from church (though it is my stance that he shouldn’t be at a church with hundreds of minors). We simply were asking them to inform parents of young children that a high risk sex offender is among them. So how did the church respond after repeated emails from Leachelle, describing her abuse and begging elders to inform parents that they have a serial offender in their midst? They read a letter to the church about “some blogs” that created “this situation” and that, though they have a sex offender in the church, they won’t be naming him:
The major problem I have with this (and there are many) is that they continue to circumvent the sex offender registry by hiding a high risk offender’s identity. The only biblical reason they can find for publicly stating the name of a church member “caught up in sinful behavior is for continuing, deliberate sin.” Even still, naming such a person “would only be for the purpose of winning the sinner back to Christ.” I’m dumbfounded. What about protecting innocents? Is that not a biblical reason to name a serial, high risk criminal who is already on the public registry? Ezekiel 33 and John 10 come to mind as biblical reasons to speak up and warn. Parents of children often befriend abusers, not knowing they are abusers, and will spend time in their homes and vice versa. In my opinion, when leaders fail to inform churches of high risk serial predators, they are wielding a moral superiority to the rest of the church by intentionally keeping them blind. The leaders, in effect, are the ones who have the benefit of remaining in the know and they have the power to keep the rest of the congregation in the dark.
And if these two cases aren’t enough, I reported a serial predator in 2013 who was a missionary in Haiti a few years prior. Bob Valerius, who had a clean Facebook profile as a missionary, had an alias on Facebook as “Milton Hargrave” and was asking a mess of young boys to show their penises to him. I saw with my own eyes the disgusting things he was saying to these little boys. I gathered a file folder full of evidence and spoke with state police, the US Marshall Service, and eventually the Department of Homeland Security. I found out through an investigation that Cyrus Sibert conducted in Haiti, that the Southwest Church of Christ in Ada, Oklahoma–the church that funded the orphanage where Bob worked–black listed and disciplined a Haitian preacher, Pierre Ludovic, who reported that “Bob is in relationship with the little boys he help (sic).” Valerius was reported by Mr. Ludovic in 2010. Mr. Ludovic was banned from the orphanage and the Southwest church, to my knowledge, never reported it. They did, however, blacklist the preacher who did. Southwest eventually removed Valarius from his post as director of the orphanage. Three years later, I personally witnessed Valerius asking multiple minor children for pictures of their penises while saying, “You should know that makes my cock hard.”
Unlike the Southwest church, I reported immediately and fully cooperated with this investigation only to find out that Bob Valerius, who fled Haiti and is currently wanted by the Haitian justice department, was spotted by one of his victims in August while roaming the streets of Cap Haitien.
Translation: Saturday, August 24, 2019 Mandate to bring against the American Robert (Bob) Valerius accused of pedophilia in Haiti.- The American citizen Robert (Bob) Valerius is wanted by the Haitian justice for sexual abuse on children. Mr. Valerius picture taken by one of his victims, was noticed Saturday, August 10 in the city of Cap-Haitien, a few years after he fled Haiti. #LeReCit
What’s incredibly frustrating about all of these cases is that our governments do all they can to track serial abusers because they have a pattern of being dangerous. The church, on the other hand, works very hard to keep abusers’ identities hidden and to allow them unfettered access to children. Churches think that by putting a few restrictions on where an abuser can be inside the church building, they are keeping children safe. This simply is not true. James Apple produced several more victims after Rena was abused because the church failed to report. Bob Valerius produced many more victims after he was quietly removed from the orphanage he was employed at. He still defiantly visits a country where he violated many young boys and is wanted by the justice department. The Southwest Church of Christ failed to protect more innocent children and even blacklisted a preacher who warned them about the predator. And Chuck Smith continues to enjoy anonymity as he worships at a church with hundreds of minor children. I have to wonder, at a church that size, how many other dangerous predators are being kept hidden within the pews.
Rachael is right. This is what it looks like when institutions create a culture where a predator can flourish unafraid and unabated. And this is what it looks like when people in authority refuse to listen; put friendships in front of truth, fail to create or enforce proper policy, and fail to hold enablers accountable”
I write and speak a lot about child sexual predators in the church because abuse in the church is an epidemic. There is another reality that needs addressed–our kids spend a lot of time at school. In fact, not including bus rides or any after school sports or programs, my daughter spends 1,215 hours each school year at her school. Compare that to the 54 hours she spends a year at church.
Our children will each log 15,795 hours by the time of their graduation in our school district. Put another way, if we began a stopwatch and let it run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, that clock would run for 658 days for each child. That’s a lot of time spent in the care of adults who are responsible for our children’s safety. Statistically speaking, our children are exposed to child predators for far more hours during school hours than they ever will be at church.
There are 3.6 million teachers in the US and all statistics I’ve read regarding sexual abuse of minors are climbing dramatically. A recent Washington Examiner article says this: “Pedophilia in the U.S. is “unprecedented” and has reached an almost “epidemic level,” according to assistant director of the FBI’s Criminal Investigative Division Joseph Campbell.” The outlook for our kids’ safety at school is dire. Statistically speaking, our children are far more likely to experience sexual abuse by a teacher than encountering an active shooter. A close friend of mine said to me a week ago, “Did you know that the small school district where I work had five arrests in one school year for teachers who had sex with minors? Five!” Yet we don’t have groups of people establishing meetings with our president and demanding better protective laws against sexual predation.
I did a Google search just now–“School teacher arrested.” Four articles published today of school teachers came up right away. A 35 year old male middle school teacher arrested for sexual contact with a child under the age of 13. He recorded girls with an iPad as he asked them to do hand stands and back bends. He lifted others up and put them in trash cans. A female teacher arrested for sex with an 18 year old male student. A 50 year old male teacher arrested for sex with minor students. A 43 year old science teacher arrested for having sex with a 17 year old student. This is not imagined. Statistics show a very alarming trend of sex abuse among teachers on the rise.
Hogan Injury published an article titled The School’s Responsibility to Children. The article says, “The school is supposed to be the second home for your children. You send your child to school because they need to learn things that will help them grow up to be knowledgeable adults; but aside from this, you willingly send them because you believe your child will be safe and taken care of when they get there. You think that the experienced personnel and staff of the school will be able to do more than teach your child, they will also be able to keep them safe from harm. Regrettably, this is not always the case.”
Schools are getting better at reporting abuse but in many respects are failing miserably at preventing it. I will follow up with some articles that talk about tangible things we parents can do to demand better training, policies, and action at our children’s schools. I also recommend listening to the Speaking Out on Sex Abuse Podcast where my mother, Clara Hinton, and I explore techniques abusers use.
Until then, to answer the question, “Are your kids safe at school?” my answer is. . . not as safe as they used to be.
In a previous post, I wrote about the myth that being in the same room as children will keep the children safe from abuse. As I read posts by survivors, there is an eerie trend where they discuss being abused while other adults are in the same room. This happens far more often than we’d like to think.
Yet when I speak places, people bank on the false notion that “keeping an eye out” will keep children from being abused. Most of us feel secure in our ability to watch for signs of abuse, but the reality is that our brain is hardwired to not see things that we don’t expect to see. Inattentional blindness, or perception blindness, occurs when we fail to see things that are unexpected. Change blindness is when we fail to see changes in visual stimulus. There can be blatant changes that take place right in front of us but, again, because we do not expect to see certain changes, our brain fails to notice.
Narrative is an important tool in the belt of both magicians and abusers. Narrative is just one more layer of controlling the spotlight of attention. But don’t take my word for it. See for yourself. . .
Not all abuse happens in isolation. In fact, believe it or not, much of it happens directly in front of us. Consider the most recent public account with Dr. Larry Nassar. He abused many of his hundreds of victims as he casually carried on conversations with their parents. Rachael Denhollander, the first victim of Nassar’s to publicly come forward by name, recently described what was going on in that doctor’s office:
She reviewed Nassar’s training videos and PowerPoints with MSU investigators, pointing out where “Nassar would have the same hand placement during her appointments with him so [her mother] would have been able to see the external massage but … [not] that Nassar’s other hand was under the towel penetrating her vagina and/or rectum,” the report says.(1).
What Nassar did was not unique or uncommon to abusers. I’ve personally spoken with hundreds of survivors who have told me that they were abused in the same room as adults, and often while their abuser was speaking with some of those adults. Most of us falsely believe that this is impossible, or that somehow these adults are oblivious, ignorant, or negligent. Experts in the field of abuse speak about the abuse of children in front of others in terms of “control and power.” But that’s only a fraction of the equation and it tells us nothing about how they actually successfully pull it off time after time.
Getting away with abuse in plain sight has to do with how our human brains are wired and how abusers, like magicians, learn to hack them. According to neuroscientists Dr. Susana Martinez-Conde and Dr. Stephen Macknik, our “reality” is based on what we expect to see, hear, feel, and think. Whether it is intuitive or learned by some other method, abusers know this and they are masters at shaping–even creating–our reality through multiple layers of their specific techniques.
I had the honor of sitting at the feet of Drs. Macknik and Marinez-Conde while they presented demonstrations of how our brains miss seeing actions that happen directly in front of our eyes. For the first time, we will be peering deeper into the human brain to understand better how and why abusers develop these sophisticated techniques.
Too often organizations are confident they are doing a good job of preventing abuse by increasing awareness, conducting background checks, and by implementing the “two deep” rule, where at least two adults are present with children at all times. The problem with this is that it doesn’t matter whether there are two or two hundred adults in the same room as children. Abusers know what to look for in us and they routinely abuse children and other adults in plain sight.
The following video is part 1 of a 2 part series in understanding what it is about us that makes us blind to abusive actions that are happening within inches of us. Part 2 will be released very soon.
