Last month we recorded a podcast outlining 5 things church leaders must do when allegations of abuse arise. I get many messages from church leaders asking me where to begin. I can empathize, because nine years ago I was in the same boat. Leaders shouldn’t be caught off guard. When it comes to abuse allegations, flying by the seat of your pants is the quickest way to demonstrate to the church that the leadership is unprepared. Being unprepared often leads to disastrous mistakes that leave victims even more wounded, the vulnerable more at risk, and abusers enjoying the benefit of having the protection and anonymity from church leaders. For those who missed the podcast, I repost it and offer these 5 tips in writing here.
- Leaders should distance themselves from abusive behavior that is being alleged. It is tempting to defend friends and family when allegations arise, or to reduce abuse allegations to mere “things” that have happened. Don’t. It takes an incredible amount of courage for a victim to disclose abuse. Instead of minimizing abuse, validate what happened to the victims by distancing yourselves from the abuse. A simple, precise statement will go a long way. Say something like, “We don’t know much about the allegations at this point, BUT if they are founded, we leaders never condone abusive language or behavior and will not tolerate it. We are taking immediate action to protect the abused and cooperate with investigators.”
- Name the person AND the allegation/accusation. This is the most controversial step. It shouldn’t be. I’ve witnessed leaders bend over backwards to keep the alleged abuser’s name anonymous and often the victim is named instead. Leaders do this to shame and discredit the person alleging abuse, and will tarnish them by labeling them as “gossips.” Unless victims wish to go public, they should never be named. Disclosing abuse is not gossip. When I fist heard an allegation of sexual abuse against my father, I immediately announced to the church that someone disclosed to me that she was sexually abused by my father when she was a minor, and I asked all parents and guardians to keep their children very far away from my dad while the investigation was going on. I made it crystal clear that, under no circumstance, was he permitted to step inside the church building as the investigation was taking place.
- Do not hinder church members from asking questions and expressing concern. When allegations arise, there are almost always more victims who are suffering in silence. Don’t silence them more. Be transparent, encourage people to ask questions and share any helpful information, and encourage any other victims to report the abuse. I informed my congregation that there were no questions that they couldn’t ask, and I promised that if I didn’t have an answer, I would find out. I asked them not to speculate or guess who my dad’s victims were. All of us parents were concerned that our kids could have been his victims. At first, I had no idea who his victims were except the one who disclosed to me. So I encouraged church members to contact the detective directly if they had specific questions or concerns about their children. Communication was frequent, and it was always transparent and inviting.
- Provide an avenue for potential victims to safely report abusive behavior and never ask them to confront their abuser. Leaders should be clear that ALL leaders are available to hear any allegations of abusive behavior, and that people can go to any one of them. Any leaders who hinder disclosures of abuse should be removed from office immediately. Appealing to Matthew 18 is an absurd misuse of a passage where Jesus told Christians to first “go tell your brother his fault.” Never would Jesus suggest that a person who is oppressed or abused go talk to their abuser as a first step. If a crime has been committed, nobody but law enforcement should talk to the abuser. Always report to the appropriate authorities if criminal activity is suspected.
- Protect the value of human souls, not the reputation of the church. Always place human souls above the reputation of the church. Damage control is dishonest because it focuses on whitewashing the public image of the church while covering for someone who has abused innocents and created victims. Instead, focus on helping the wounded to heal. Vow to learn from blind spots and get educated so that more innocent people in the church won’t fall prey to an abuser again.
What would you add to this list?
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