John 3:16. According to the popular Bible app YouVersion, that timeless verse ranked #2 for the most searched verse in 2018. And according to Christian Post, of the top ten trending Bible searches on Google in early 2018, John 3:16 ranked #3, Forgiveness at #8, and Love #10. It only takes a quick glance at my inbox to realize that survivors of abuse know all too well that church leaders have fully embraced a theology of love and forgiveness–at any cost. And these leaders demand forgiveness for abusers, including themselves. This poor theology has eroded God’s foundation of justice and righteousness (Psalm 89:14) and replaced it with a laid back Jesus who is carefree and embraces all equally (unless you are a victim of oppression, of course).
I’ve not taken the time to count the number of e-mails and private messages I received over the past few years from survivors who were rebuked by church leaders, but my best guess is that I have gotten at least a couple hundred. So what are they rebuked or thrown out of the church for? The answer is that they’re not forgiving or loving enough of their abusers–that Jesus was a free spirited, kind model of turning the other cheek no matter what. The irony is not lost on me that the church leaders who rally around real abusive criminals–men and women who habitually strike, humiliate, rape, or verbally assault their victims–are the same leaders who bar the victims of these crimes from coming to church for speaking up about their abuse.
I’ve written before that the number one question I get asked by church leaders who know of an abusive person in their congregation is, “How do we surround this ‘brother’ and encourage him to continue to be a part of the church body?”. Bad theology leads to bad practices. I’ve been saying this for years.
Last January, Rachael Denhollander was interviewed for Christianity Today by Morgan Lee for a piece titled, “My Larry Nassar Testimony Went Viral. But There’s More to the Gospel Than Forgiveness.” The article was a response to the religious community’s gushing over Rachael’s one liner about forgiveness. They chose to focus on the forgiveness aspect even though, in her 37 minute testimony, she mostly spoke about God’s justice and the need to repent. In the interview, Rachael rightly said that “the church is one of the worst places to go for help.” Rachael also rightly pinpoints the problem of bad theology leading to bad practices:
One of the dynamics that you see in a Christian church that is particularly devastating is poor theology. The reason that most institutional cover-ups happen in the church is not simple institutional protectionism. When you’re dealing with something like MSU or USA Gymnastics, they’ve got medals and money and their institutional reputation on the line.
You have that dynamic with evangelical churches where you have the reputation on the line and the perceived reputation of the gospel of Christ. But often, if not always, people are motivated by poor theology and a poor understanding of grace and repentance and that causes them to handle sexual assault in a way where that a lot of predators go unchecked, often for decades. When you see a theological commitment to handling sexual assault inappropriately, you have the least hope of ever changing it.
So was Jesus really all warm and fuzzy towards all people or did justice demand a more protective approach for the abused? John the Baptist, who prepared the way for Jesus Christ, could have introduced him a billion different ways. John could have spoken about love, peace, acceptance. . . anything! Instead, listen to John’s introduction of the Messiah. When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to his baptism, he said, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bear fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:7-8 ESV). He continues: “Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. . . he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire” (vs. 10-12).
Now that’s an introduction to Jesus! When is the last time any of you heard Jesus introduced this way to anyone ever? John’s message was inseparably rooted in God’s foundation of righteousness and justice. John’s message was good news to the oppressed and offensive news to the religious leaders who were oppressing their victims. Yet today we have invented a false Jesus who welcomes the abusers and shuns the abused.
Lest you feel that I’ve left the reservation, let’s listen to Jesus himself. He constantly and consistently warned people of the religious frauds. “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. . . A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15, 17-20 ESV). Notice that false prophets are just that-people who are prophesying but who are frauds. Jesus doesn’t tell his followers to give them a second chance, to give them food or water, to clothe them, or to turn the other cheek. For the class of fraudulent, abusive leaders Jesus says to beware. Warn others. Nowhere is there a hint of extending grace and forgiveness (and certainly not fellowship or a platform to keep preaching!) to these abusive wolves. Why? Because they are ravenous. They are bad trees who produce bad fruit. They don’t change because they don’t want to change.
To be clear, Jesus isn’t talking about sinful people who have fallen into a trap. He’s talking about false prophets who willfully, intentionally, and habitually deceive others in order to abuse them for their own selfish gain. These are religious leaders who know better. They are people who have been tasked with guarding the flock but instead are preying on them.
Again, the irony is that the soft Jesus we’ve created has produced a sea of oppressed people who have either fled unsafe churches or they’ve been banned from them. At the same time, abusive leaders have grown in power and influence with the full protection and blessing of their fellow leaders. The reason I write and speak about this so much is not to prove I’m right and others are wrong. The real reason is to plead with my fellow church leaders to have an ounce of humility and to revisit the scriptures with a heightened awareness that their bad theology is ruining the very lives of the people Jesus came to rescue.
We need to do better. I will shout this from the rooftops. We need to teach better. We need to study better. We need to pray better. And, most importantly, we need to pray for the wisdom to discern who the ravenous wolves are and take action to remove them while protecting those who are like sheep without a shepherd.
Photo by Vasilios Muselimis on Unsplash
“…we have invented a false Jesus who welcomes the abusers and shuns the abused.”
Indeed – and the double standard is simply mind-boggling. Harm someone by abusing them, and you get a free pass straight to “forgiveness”. Talk about how you were harmed by abuse, and you are attacked for being “unforgiving” and for harming the abuser!
No wonder people are fleeing the ‘church’ in droves.
It’s hard to blame people for leaving the church when this level of abuse is justified.
Such a powerful post! It is so true that that abusers are often forgiven while the abused are told how unforgiving they are because they choose not to reconcile with their abuser. Been there and know all about that. I was told how hard-hearted, bitter and resentful I was, all because I chose to divorce my abusive then-husband of 20 years instead of reconciling — and he’s the one who walked out on me and our two boys!
It took a lot of counseling for me to understand that forgiveness and reconciliation do not go hand in hand like I was told so often by the church.
Things have been turned inside out, for sure. I long for the day when the church is a healing safe haven instead of a place that harms and shames the abused.
After a former client received a harassment order, banning him from coming to my home or work place, he started attending the church we had attended for over a decade.
When I communicated my fears with our pastor, his response was, “The Holy Spirit invites all and can change hearts.”
The client had broken into my office and home while I was there; our dog actually chased him out. We moved away since, with no forwarding address.
I wrote the pastor and tried to explain our experience, but his reply was defensive and dismissive.
Thank you for sharing this article, the education is desperately needed, and was healing for me to read.
I’ve been vocal about how Jesus was an advocate for the vulnerable and abused, it was validating to not feel alone in my passionate viewpoint.
What’s frightening to me is not just the bad theology that empowers abusers like your former client–its that basic common sense seems to be missing from so many pastors. Unless people have experienced it, it’s almost unbelievable. I’m grateful you found it healing to read this. I pray you keep pressing forward and keep being vocal!
Until I started reading survivor blogs I never guessed that coverups were common because I thought it was common sense that Jesus loves the victim. But somehow it’s not and the weirdest thing to me isn’t that they portray Jesus as “too warm and fuzzy” but that they lose the warm fuzz toward the victim.
Your description is more accurate. I never dreamed that this was the case even when I began ministry. I suppose that’s because I couldn’t fathom treating victims of abuse with anything but understanding and compassion. To see them consistently shamed, lectured, and shut out of the church makes me incredibly sad and angry. At the same time I remain hopeful because there are a growing number of abuse victims who are holding these spiritually abusive leaders accountable.
I’m glad you have hope. I feel like the bad guys outnumber the good guys, but I don’t want to be too hopeless to do anything.