#MeToo, #ChurchToo have sparked huge changes

#MeToo

Next month will mark seven years since I first heard from a victim that she had been sexually abused by my father. I was just barely two years in to my full time role at the church and that fateful day–July 29th, 2011, changed my family forever. Rather than defend my dad or come up with a myriad of excuses for how his victim sitting across from me could have been mistaken, I instinctively told her, “I believe you.” Little did I know how rare those words are when survivors get the courage to tell. It’s hard to believe that just seven years ago, few people were talking about sexual abuse, especially in the church.

I know that few were talking about it because I searched and searched for resources back then to help me navigate my family and church through the aftermath of my dad’s abuse. There was virtually nothing written at the time. There were almost no online support groups. There were only a small hand full of blogs. Jerry Sandusky’s trial had not taken place yet, the public hadn’t heard anything negative about Larry Nassar, Jared Fogle, Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, or Bill Cosby, and the Catholic church was living in quiet streams after the 2001 investigation by the Boston Globe had run its course.

Fast forward seven years and the #MeToo, #ChurchToo movements are sweeping the globe. We are not quite half way through 2018 and already we’ve seen Larry Nassar’s public sentencing, Andy Savage resigned from Highpoint, Paige Patterson fired by Southwestern Baptist Seminary, Bill Hybles and Willow Creek being investigated because of alleged sexual misconduct, Jordan Baird, former youth leader of a megachurch in Virginia, sentenced for indecent liberties with a minor by a custodian, megachurch (Highlands Church) founder Les Hughey admitted to having “consensual” sex with multiple women, including a minor, when he was a youth pastor. And all 34 Chilean bishops resigned in May because of a sex abuse scandal there. Pennsylvania is releasing an 884 page grand jury investigation into 6 dioceses this month. This investigation was sparked after the Altoona-Johnstown diocese, just a few miles north of me, was investigated and a damning grand jury report was released of a massive cover up of sexual abuse of minors. The list goes on.

The point is that survivors are coming forward in spite of the push back, and abusers and their protectors are being exposed. Survivors are fed up with being silenced and they are being empowered by other brave survivors who share their stories. It certainly helps that we have some incredible investigators across the nation who are validating survivors and working hard to seek justice.

But is the exposure of abusers enough to bring about meaningful and lasting change? I would argue that, while it’s a huge step in the right direction, there is more that we can do. Fortunately, survivors of abuse have gotten the attention of lawmakers. In a recent article by Hogan Injury, they note that “The movement has prompted the state of California to consider passing a bill that bans secret sexual harassment settlements. According to Sen. Connie M. Leyva (D-Chino), the senator who plans to introduce the bill, these secret settlements puts the public in jeopardy, especially potential future victims. These secret settlements also enable perpetrators to escape justice just because they have the money to pay for the cost of settlements.” Other states are passing laws that allow victims of abuse who fall outside of the statute of limitations to open new investigations. Pennsylvania’s attorney general, Josh Shapiro, has made it clear that he is listening to survivors of abuse and will make laws that improve the way our state handles allegations of abuse.

Hogan Injury goes on to say that “companies should also train their employees, supervisors, and managers about sexual harassment. For employee training, you aim to educate your employees what sexual harassment is. Take the opportunity to review your complaint procedure, and encourage your employees to use it to report sexual harassment.” I encourage churches and other organizations that do not have policies in place to make concrete policies that spell out clear boundaries for their employees and volunteers, and to also spell out the consequences for violating those boundaries. Someone who is being sexually, physically, or emotionally harassed, regardless of their age, should have an appropriate person or group of persons to report it to. They need to know that they can tell.

Our systems cannot keep failing victims. Ann Curry reported Matt Lauer in 2012, but her report fell on deaf ears. If we are going to protect vulnerable children and adults from predators, we need to have a written policy that spells out the reporting procedure and the policy cannot create a hierarchy where one person can override the policy. Nobody should be above the law. Nobody should have the authority to override other peoples’ decision to report an alleged crime. I think the tides are turning and as long as survivors keep speaking up, organizations will have no choice but to develop policies and training that actually protect the people who are in their care.

Three predictions for sexual abuse in the church for 2018

Graph

I am no prophet who can predict the future, but I do pay attention to patterns. Patterns can be good predictors, and it’s my attention to patterns that has helped me develop some powerful insight into the mind of pedophiles. In my work with churches, I always pay attention to patterns–what are some universal responses to abuse, the most common questions, biggest concerns, etc. And I read and analyze news stories on abuse every day. So what are some of my predictions for how 2018 will play out?

#1 Churches will continue to be sympathetic to abusers
This is, by far, the biggest uphill battle that we will continue to face. The church has become a refuge for registered sex offenders. The dirty little secret is that I have yet to visit a church that doesn’t have at least one registered sex offender. This is no exaggeration. Sadly, the lay church members are rarely made aware by the leadership. This toxic pattern is driven by bad theology (no sin is worse than others) and is fueled by abusers building the ideal facade. When I train churches, I actively demonstrate techniques abusers use in churches to abuse kids. I used to get frustrated that, no matter how much or how convincingly I spoke, church leaders still believed that “keeping an eye” on the abuser was enough. It is not. Many of you survivors know how brazen your abusers were. Being in a public place is not a deterrent for them. At all. They will still molest children when others are within eyesight. So I shifted to demonstrations. Seeing is believing, so I demonstrate that we are not as perceptive as we think we are. Nevertheless, the vast majority of churches will continue to be swooned by dangerous child rapists in 2018.

#2 Child sex abuse will be a hot button topic
Ironically, many churches are talking about child sexual abuse and are coming out of of denial. Sadly, this is because it usually takes a personal experience to awaken us to the reality of abuse. I personally don’t believe that in most cases “silence is acceptance.” I was silent for years, until it happened in our church. I’ve always hated abuse. God knows, I turned my own father in. But I literally had no idea it was so common because I hadn’t been awakened to it. Many, many churches are being awakened to it because survivors are tired of living in silence while their abusers waltz their way through life, producing more and more victims. We are witnessing a radical cultural shift where churches have no choice but to address sexual abuse in all of its forms. Which leads me to #3.

#3 Survivors are outing their abusers like never before
This is the one that is most encouraging. Survivors are almost always made to believe that they are alone, that somehow the abuse was their fault, and that if they tell there will be major consequences. The Harvey Weinstein scandal opened the floodgates, flipped the script, and has activated an army of survivors who are ready to fight for justice. My opinion is that the Jerry Sandusky, Jared Fogle, Bill Cosby, and Anthony Weiner cases laid the foundation for survivors to become empowered. They were all high profile cases and the public was outraged as more and more details were released. When the Weinstein case broke, millions of brave survivors shouted, #MeToo! Just in the last 30 days, we’re seeing politicians, a host of Hollywood actors, news anchors, and comedians being outed as abusers, including names like Kevin Spacey, Louis C.K., Richard Dreyfuss, Steven Seagul, Sylvester Stalone, Al Franken and on and on it goes. Here is a partial list of recent accusations. And let’s not forget how public Corey Feldman has been, naming pedophiles by name and promising to out every Hollywood pedophile he knows. If you’re like me, you’ve not been able to keep up with the abuse scandals that broke in the past seven days. The list continues to grow, and will continue to do so in 2018. For the first time in a long time, abusers who go on to abuse run a very big risk that their closet skeletons will be brought out for the world to see.

Comment on some trends that you see.